Love and Fatality
by sparzelli
Summary: She is so much more than she thought she was. The only problem is that it took dying to realize it. VxY
1. Reunion

**Tuesday, August 14**

**8:37 AM**

It's almost frightening to think of how different things are now. Fresh outta college, moving away, promising to call Tifa and Aeris frequently, and never forgetting the lessons I learned. And to think that I, hyperactive little Yuffie who doesn't take life seriously actually graduated college, makes me want to laugh out loud. 'Cause I made it!

Not to say that people didn't help me.

Gawd, I still remember all the nights I spent with everyone studying for some stupid test about some crap I never use, those essays that go on for what seem like millions of pages. Knowing that I actually made it through four years of that, makes me want to party for four more.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. You probably want to know who Tifa, Aeris, and all of my other buds are dontcha? Thought so.

Tifa and Aeris are two of the best friends I've ever had.

Tifa is this tall, thin girl who has legs that go on for miles. I'm kinda jealous of her hair. It's this waist-long, silky, chocolate brown gorgeous _stuff_. And it's stick-straight with the exception of a few waves and curls in all the right places. Tifa has such a perfect face that she really doesn't even need makeup, but she uses it anyway. It's kinda funny how much a little mascara does for her. And, oh _gawd_, that girl sure has a chest. Aeris and I always joke around and call her boobs, but we stopped after this one guy picked up the nickname too. I don't even remember what happened to him, but Tifa pulled him away from the crowds one time after class and he got this look on his face like "oh shit" before he ran away. To tell you the truth, I think he transferred schools.

Nevertheless, Tifa has like freaking D cups, and my little B cups are kinda jealous of her. But that's okay. I love her so much I stopped being so envious 'cause it obviously bothered her. She doesn't like it when people are jealous of her.

She had a spectacular GPA. Both her and Aeris. Mine was average, but I didn't really put as much effort in as they did. These girls practically had books glued to their faces every night, except on Fridays when we went out for pizza and parties and stuff.

Aeris. She's a goddess, no joke. Practically all she wears is these lacey skirts and pretty button up shirts with flowers and stuff. But I don't blame her; she looks good in those kinds of things. Who's gonna bother her for taking advantage of being sexy?

The one thing that is most amazing about Aeris is her eyes. They're the most amazing shade of green, and they sparkle and glow all the time. She doesn't even bother with makeup. Her hair is the funniest thing; it's this giant braid-curl-thing that she ties at the back of her head with a little pink ribbon. I like pulling it. A lot.

It's almost honey colored, a light shade of extraordinary brown that turns heads. She and Tifa made quite the duo, with the boobs and the looks. But anyways, Aeris is too shy to talk about looks and stuff. She would always scold us for pinching and pulling at our butts, complaining about nonexistent fat. I'm too skinny for fat. Fat avoids me like I'm the damn bubonic plague. Not that I'm complaining, I just wish I wasn't so scrawny. Anyways, Aeris only really likes one guy. Which is sad 'cause she could snag our whole graduating class if she wanted too.

And saying that, I guess I should tell you who Cloud is now. He and Aeris are practically SOUL MATES. They have the whole I'll-die-for-you-let's-stare-at-each-other-all-day-and-see-if-that-does-it thing going on. It's so sweet. Almost too sweet, but whatever. They have the most soulful romance ever, and when you see them together, it's like you're not even there. They _will _evoke envy when you're around them.

As for Cloud, he's a jock. Muscular, blonde, and popular. Everyone knows his name. Practically all the girls want him and all the guys want to be him. But I am proud to announce that his charming smile and adorable spiky hair hasn't affected me much. Cloud is another one of my best friends, one of the people in our little "group". Does our "group" even have a name? Oh whatever.

But yeah. Cloud's amazing and he's my big brother, really. That and the best damn football player I've ever seen.

Then there's Barret and Cid, they were on the soccer team. They cuss more than anybody I've ever met in my LIFE, but they wouldn't be Barret or Cid if they didn't cuss. Barret's really big. Okay, he's HUGE. He is the biggest guy I've ever seen. He's really strong and muscular too, like Cloud, only _worse _because he's so big. Sometimes I'm afraid that he'll fall on me and I'll die. But I know he'd never do that, 'cause he's my friend and friends don't walk around squishing you.

Cid is a real funny guy. He's always crackin' jokes and can make any bad situation go to worse then hilarious. Its amazing how this guy does it.

And Vincent. Vincent Valentine. The last one of my friends from the "group". He's just a tad too monotone for me, but that aside, he's a pretty good guy to have around. He towers a good foot above me and his strength is like Cloud _and_ Barret all put together. I offer no explanation for this. The guy is a freakin' toothpick, but he's so strong he could crush me with one hand. Not that he has or he will. And he plays football too.

I call him Vinnie a lot, but I don't think he likes it too much. Every time I call him that, he gives me this weird look, like 'what the hell is wrong with you' with some glare added in. No one really asks many questions, but he used to be this really violent guy. And now he's so polite it makes me want to scream and slap him into doing something naughty. Or maybe donate some of his personality to Cid and Barret, 'cause god knows they could use some manners.

But hey, don't get me wrong, Vinnie's really a great guy and I like him a lot, because he tolerates my pesky personality and annoying attitude. I just realized I used two alliterations in a row. Aeris must be rubbing off on me.

Anyways, Vincent used to have a girlfriend but something obviously happened and she transferred to the same school that the weird guy who called Tifa 'boobs' went to. I still can't remember his name.

But her name I do remember. Lucrecia. And boy was Vince crazy about her. He doesn't smile much, but whenever he was around her, he would smile all the time, I mean it was non_stop_. She even got some good laughs out of him sometimes.

I wish I could make him laugh like she did, but I don't know if Vincent really laughs much anymore. It's all deadpan and death glares for him.

But that's alright.

So that makes up my little circle of friends. Theres more people I know, though.

Tifa is always hanging out with Reno, he's this heartbreaker who drinks all the time, but he just about matches Cid in the funny department, if he doesn't beat him. Reno is a pervert. I'll just say that right off the bat. He is sex-crazed and probably lost his virginity in junior high. I think Tifa is trying to get him to stop drinking all the time and breaking hearts, but you can never be too sure with that guy. He has this bald friend named Rude and some blonde girl named Elena. She really obviously has a thing for Rude, and anybody who sees them together just knows she's crazy for him. Except Rude. I wonder if he's blind.

Or maybe just stupid.

**5:30 PM**

I actually finished unpacking my new living space. It's in New York. My dad somehow got me this HUGE penthouse with an absolutely breathtaking view of the whole city. I have no idea how he afforded it. Stupid Godo, been hiding away this gigantic fortune my whole life. And to think that I could have bribed all of my professors to pass me. But then I would be useless for the rest of my life. So maybe he had reasons. Does my father just not trust me?

**6:46 PM**

When it gets dark outside, all the lights on the buildings light up and it's like a giant, electric rainbow. Kind of stupid sounding but it's really pretty. I should take a picture or something.

**6:59 PM**

Okay, I took like 70 pictures, but whatever.

**Wednesday, August 15**

**1:25 AM**

I think I'm getting sick. I just puked all of my dinner up, and I still feel awful. And I could barely make it back to my stupid bed, I'm so weak. Okay, it's not stupid. It's another expensive gift from Godo for "housewarming". Try "really-expensive-amazing-penthouse-warming"!

**12:34 PM**

Three-way with Aeris and Tifa! (After puking again. Must remember to call doctor for an appointment.)

"I miss you guys so much!

"Oh Tifa, we miss you too." I just sat there and listened to Tifa drawl on about Reno something or other and how she locked his liquor cabinet so he wouldn't die from alcohol poisoning. Then Aeris started saying something about Cloud and I really started to listen.

"He says he wants to go pro, but I'm not sure…I'd never get to see him, you know?"

"Hey Aeris, how is Cloud nowadays? I haven't talked to him much since graduation."

"He's doing really great, actually. He keeps bugging me about the whole pro football thing, but we're still in…discussion, about that. I want him to be happy more than anything else, but I'll miss him too much."

"What if you became a cheerleader? You _could _do it; didn't you used to take dance and gymnastics when you were little?" That was the first bright thing I had said all day.

"You know, Aeris, that's actually a really good idea. Plus it would keep you from getting FLABBY, like the rest of us!" Tifa fake gagged and we all broke into laughter.

"You are so vain, Tifa! Plus, do you know how hard it is to get onto a professional cheer squad?"

"Oh please, it can't be that hard." I had to snort at that one. But then I started feeling nauseous again.

"Hey guys, I don't really feel too good…I'm gonna go, take a nap or something, then call and make an appointment at the doctors. Talk to you later, I love you!"

So I hung up and puked what was left of my stomach into the toilet bowl, called the doctor and made an appointment. And now it's time for _sleep._

**Thursday, August 16**

**NOON**

I was at the doctors today. It was really weird.

So I'm in the waiting room waiting to get called, right? And then they call me and I go back and explain my symptoms.

"I'm vomiting a lot. And I feel really weak." The doctor nodded his head and scribbled some things down.

"Is there blood in the vomit?" Much to my embarrassment I nodded my head, making the doctor frown.

"We'll need to take a blood test."

So they sat me down in this weird room with some old lady whose hands shook so bad I thought they might fall off. I looked at her skeptically but the doctor just nodded and smiled faintly.

And I sat down and they took my blood. It's really weird when people take your blood. It's like a draining sensation, and you get really light-headed and you feel like you might get sick but you really don't, so it's all okay. Then they tell me that they have to go do a bunch of tests and to please go home, they'll call me in 36-48 hours.

And then I drove home in my bright blue Saturn and went into the kitchen and ate a sandwich. And now I'm just sitting here.

What the hell is wrong with me? I haven't drunk any milk at all, so that can't be it. I'm lactose-intolerant. I avoid milk like it's going to kill me (which it very well could if I drank enough, but I'm smarter than that!) And now my cell phones ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey Yuffs! Listen, I was calling everybody up to see if you wanted to come down to my place for the week or something."

"Like a reunion sort of thing?"

"Yeah! I guess so. I just miss all of you guys so much. Plus, I got Aeris and Cloud to come so that might get their minds off of the whole 'Pro-Football' thing. So whatcha think? You gonna come?"

I thought for a minute. Did I have anything better to do? Sitting around and barfing all day does _not _count.

"Alright Tifa, I'll come. When should I be there?"

"This Friday actually. Friday night so we can be ready on Saturday to just party and do stuff all day long."

"Sounds good to me. Just gimme your new address and I'll call you when I'm almost there, okay?"

"Kay. It's 2200 Lovers Lane, Riverton Utah. And before you flip out, yes, I live on Lovers Lane."

"You live so far away from me now!" Tifa laughed at this.

"It's okay Yuffie. I'll see you then, okay?"

"Alright Teefs. Byeas!"

And we hung up. Tifa lives on Lover's Lane. That is _hilarious._

**9:40 PM**

I went shopping so I would have new stuff to wear at the reunion. Does this count as a reunion?

Anyways, I hear its cold in Utah right now so I got a couple of sweaters, one green and one blue. Then these really cute jeans that make my butt look good. And a long sleeved shirt with a ninja on the front. Don't ask about the ninja, she's just so cute with her little shuriken and whatnot.

Boots completed my shopping. This cost me a lot, by the way. One of the sweaters was like, 150 bucks. But I charged it all onto a credit card using my TOTALLY GIGANTIC HIDDEN FORTUNE!

**Friday, August 17**

**7:30 AM**

Ugh. I hate waking up this early. But if it's for the sake of Tifa, then I guess it's forgivable. I packed everything last night, all my new clothes I got, sneakers, flip flops, t-shirts, and shorts. And a green cocktail party dress thing that was my mothers, and a really pretty blouse. I think the blouse is Aeris' but I don't think she's missing it; she has about 5 of the same one.

I'm getting ready to grab an old mixed CD and get going, so I'll just write tonight or something about how everything went.

**11:45 PM**

Today was hectic.

When I first got to Tifa's (Lover's Lane is so pretty. But if it was trashy or ugly or something then I would sue because Lover's Lane just can't be _ugly_) Cloud and Aeris were already there. Apparently they moved in together in some apartment in California, which is just about as expensive as New York but when you're as rich as Aeris it doesn't really matter.

So anyways, I pulled up into the driveway and Tifa practically jumped on the hood of my car, no joke. I just smile and wave, then open the door.

"Oh my gosh, Yuffie! Look at you!" More jumping, only on me instead of the car. Then Aeris walks over and starts playing with my now shoulder-length hair.

"Yuffie, your hair is getting so long! It's really pretty." I smile at her and then yank on the little twist at the back of her head. Then me and Aeris lock eyes and turn to Tifa, shouting boobs together.

She just blushes really madly, but then the weirdest thing: Reno sticks his head out of the front door on her house and starts talking to us.

"Boobs? WHERE!" Aeris and me just cracked up, as Cloud chuckled quietly so he wouldn't get kicked in the side by Tifa, which she was attempting to do to me. After about a minute of this, we slow to a stop because we're out of breath.

"So Teefs, when's the rest of the gang coming?"

"Barret and Cid just called, Cid is giving them a ride. Their going to be here in a half hour at least. Vincent is coming any minute now."

I had almost forgotten gothic boy was coming. Ah well, I guess I miss him too.

"Hey, look, Vinnie's here now!" I shout. Surprisingly, he's riding this huge Harley Davidson. It's kind of sexy actually. Wait, what the hell am I saying?

Tifa jogs over and gave him a big hug before he even gets off the bike, so he's caught in this awkward hold where one of his arms is reaching up trying to take off his helmet, and his other hand is gripping a handlebar. He moves his arm down from his head a little to pat Tifa's head. She takes this as an indicator to let go and she does with a big smile.

He takes of the helmet then shakes out his hair, which is VERY sexy. He has really long black hair. But it looks good on him. And his eyes are red, which I think is freaky, but he doesn't wear colored contacts or anything so we're all curious but nobody asks. Because then he might kill us or something.

Then he walks over and nods before crossing his arms and looking down. He's so detached.

I bound over and squeeze him around the middle, and unlike his hug with Tifa he actually puts his arms around me too. Without hesitation, might I add. While Vincent may be a really weird and kind of emo outcast, he is still _really _hot.

Since he's so much taller than me, I'm up on my tippy-toes and he still has to bend down a little. It's funny, he's so big and I'm the opposite so his whole hand covers my lower back.

After I pull away Tifa tells us to go in the house, and we all take a seat at her table, which Reno is already at.

"Hey Tifa, why does your house smell so good?" She pointed at a lit vanilla candle.

"Reno got it for me. He said I smelled like vanilla." Everyone turned to stare at Reno, kind of shocked at the prospect of him buying someone a candle. He just shrugs and leans back in his chair.

"What can I say? I know the ladies so well. You all should be jealous." I laugh at this before turning back to Tifa, who is now sitting down next to Reno.

Reno, Tifa, Cloud, Aeris, me, and then Vincent. Plus the two empty chairs for Cid and Barret.

"So, Yuffie, please tell us about this new penthouse of yours." Aeris asks.

So I go on to tell them about Godo keeping our fortune a secret, and then buying me a penthouse for a graduation present.

"But it's so cool, especially when it gets dark outside. All of the buildings are lit up, and it's all hustle bustle and noisy. One night I had my window open and someone in a building over was having a party, so got free music all night long. It's pretty awesome." Tifa is smiling by now.

"We should have a party." I jump out of the chair and knock it over.

"OH MY GAWD, WE SHOULD! WE SHOULD INVITE BALDY AND 'LENA AND WE SHOULD MAKE RENO GET DRUNK AND DO CRAZY STUFF ALL NIGHT LONG, AND-"

"Yuffie, calm down." Cloud was laughing really hard at me. Apparently I'm funnier than I thought. He acts so calm all the time. Not as much as Vincent, who just sits around and stares at people.

"What do you think about a party, Vinnie? Huh?" I stare at him with a smile so big I think my face might fall off.

"…"

See what I mean? I wave him off and pick up my chair so I can sit down.

Aeris snorts and cracks into laughter, hiding her head in her hands. I'm shocked. Aeris has not snorted, _ever. _Ah well, there's a first time for everything. Cloud looks at her with this distant smile on his face, and you can tell he's thinking about her laugh.

I can feel someone's eyes on me, so I look around and find Vincent staring at me with a blank look on his face. I raise my eyebrows but he just keeps on looking, so I shake my head and glare at the floor. Then my phone rings!

"I got to get this, might be the doctor. I'll be right back!"

I take my phone and go into the other room.

"Hello?"

"Yes, hello, Miss…Kisaragi, Yuffie?"

"The one and only!"

"We have your blood test results, and I'm sorry to be the one to inform you but you are very sick."

"I…what? With _what_?"

"Well, it's a very rare disease called Hemosiderosis. Your symptoms are consistent with that of previous patients that suffered this. And this disease is…usually…terminal. Hemosiderosis is when red blood cells break down and a brownish-yellow pigment called Hemosiderin is deposited into bodily tissues, such as the lungs."

My insides cracked and fell to the bottom of my stomach at this. I was going to die? What bullshit was that? I had barely started living, I refuse to die. But despite the hope and optimism I tried to force, a couple of tears welled up in my eyes and dripped onto my lap.

"There is treatment, and it helps for a little while, but we're not entirely sure what the odds are that it will completely cure you."

"..What treatment?"

"Phlebotomy is the simplest method for removing excess iron in patients with hemochromatosis and improves survival but does not alter the incidence of hepatocellular carcinoma. About 500 milliliters of blood about 250 milligrams of iron is removed until serum iron levels are normal and transferrin saturation is well below 50."

"ENGLISH please?"

"Uh...sorry, miss…it is when blood is drawn. It helps to keep transferrin saturation levels well below 50. It is done weekly, and you can continue the treatment to maintain transferrin saturation at below 10."

"What is…transferrin?"

"A beta globulin in blood serum that combines with and transports iron. Basically, your problem is you have iron leaking into your lungs."

"I…thank you for the call, but I'm kind of busy at the moment…and…I'm out of town, but when I get back, can I register for treatment?"

"It is best to start treatment as soon as you are diagnosed, but that will work just fine. Please give us a call when you are back home."

"Okay. Thank you for the call."

And I hung up. Who the hell thanks someone for telling them their dying?

I heard a door slam and Cid yelling something about bad traffic, but I was too busy holding in tears to notice.


	2. Here For the Party

**A/N: **The chapters go back and forth between Yuffie's diary and Vincent's POV. It really has no particular order. If I want to make a Vincent chapter I'll make one. If I want to make a diary chapter, then that's what it'll be. I'm sorry to say this is kind of a filler chapter :)

**Disclaimer: **Whoops. Forgot the disclaimer last chapter. I don't own anything. Any of the music references made in this chapter belong to the writers and/or artists of the song.

Eternity (Memory of Lightwaves) is the FFX-2 song, credit there.

* * *

How long had it been since we graduated? It couldn't have been more than a couple of months. 

I expected just as much from Tifa, to invite us all to some sort of reunion. Is it cold in Utah right now? Maybe I should have asked her.

I find myself wondering how different everyone is. Is Tifa still the happy, forgiving woman I met in college? Are Aeris and Cloud still mercilessly in love? Do Cid and Barret ever stop cursing? Is Yuffie still the happy, hyperactive teenager I used to know?

I don't think I changed much, besides growing another inch or so. No longer six feet, but a little over. Yuffie would be mad. She is so small.

My thoughts wander to the young woman. Has her hair gotten longer? Last time I saw her, it was cut short and she always wore a bandanna. Maybe she had gotten taller too. But why am I thinking about _Yuffie?_

I shake my head to clear my thoughts as I pull up to Tifa's driveway.

Before I can even get the helmet off my head, she engulfs me in what could only be called a bear hug. I don't think she realizes it, but Tifa is rather strong. I pat her head awkwardly, and she takes the hint, letting go with a smile. The helmet comes off. Shaking out my hair, I catch Yuffie looking at me with a blank look on her face, but she doesn't realize I caught her staring. How foolish.

I slowly walk over to the awaiting group and fold my arms. Maybe I act too detached around them. They really are nice people. My "best friends".

I could have predicted what was coming next. Yuffie jumped over next to me and wrapped her arms around my torso ungracefully. She hasn't gotten any taller; I still have to bend down to hug her.

It was a strange feeling embracing her. The cool, autumn wind was brushing her hair against my neck and I could feel her body heat through the thin material of her shirt. I almost let myself feel empty when she let go. She smells floral and slightly like citrus. Refreshing and a little exotic.

"Well, how about we go inside now?" We complied accordingly and entered through the door, only to find a warm scent of what I assume is vanilla and Reno at her kitchen table.

"Hey Tifa, why does your house smell so good?" I guess now I'll know if it is vanilla I am smelling or not. Tifa points at a lit candle.

"Reno got it for me. He said I smelled like vanilla." Almost everyone in the room turned to stare at him in shock. I refrain from it, understanding. Even people like Reno have a soft side. He shrugs, smirking a little.

"What can I say? I know the ladies so well. You all should be jealous." I scoff inside at this. He may be close to Tifa, but I highly doubt he understands her to the degree he believes to. Yuffie laughs at him, her voice echoing off the walls with sheer volume.

"So, Yuffie, please tell us about this new penthouse of yours."

"Oh! Okay Aeris. See, my stupid father has apparently been a billionaire all these years, and he never told me! So after graduation he pulls me aside and looks me in the eye, and goes: Yuffie, we're rich. I never told you because you are foolish and I did not trust you with the knowledge of our fortune. Then he told me he got me a damn PENTHOUSE up in New York for a graduation present. I was kind of pissed at first, 'cause he had kept this whole thing from me, but then I'm like 'WOW. Penthouse. I love you daddy.' And I left for New York." I can see Tifa's eyes dancing with laughter for her small friend.

"But it's so cool, especially when it gets dark outside. All of the buildings are lit up, and it's all hustle bustle and noisy. One night I had my window open and someone in a building over was having a party, so I got free music all night long. It's pretty awesome." Tifa is full on smiling by now.

She thinks for a minute.

"We should have a party." Yuffie jumps up with a squeal, knocking her chair over in the process.

"OH MY GAWD, WE SHOULD! WE SHOULD INVITE BALDY AND 'LENA AND WE SHOULD MAKE RENO GET DRUNK AND DO CRAZY STUFF ALL NIGHT LONG, AND-"

"Yuffie, calm down." Cloud was busting up across the table, his face turning a lovely shade of red and purple. I think Aeris was laughing more at Cloud than at Yuffie.

"What do you think about a party, Vinnie? Huh?"

And here I thought I would be excluded from any questioning. I choose to remain silent, staring into her turbulent eyes with a passive expression. Her eyes dull a bit before she waves her hand at me and pulls her chair back up to sit down. Aeris apparently has been holding some laughs in, because she snorted rather loudly and hid her pink face in her hands.

Yuffie has the strangest look on her face. It's a mix between bewilderment, happiness, and shock. She turns to me, catching me staring. I feel embarrassed, but it doesn't show. Her eyes widen as her cell phone rings.

"I got to get this, might be the doctor. I'll be right back!"

My brow furrows and I almost call out to her, 'What doctor!' but she has already left the room.

Is she sick? I vaguely remember Tifa or Aeris or someone saying something about being on the phone with Yuffie, who was sick at the time…but shouldn't she be better by now? There is a loud '_ENGLISH please!' _from the other room. Now I am just more confused.

The door slams as Cid and Barret come in, stomping on the ground loudly despite their smiles.

"Hot damn! The traffic was so #&! bad! I was almost afraid we wouldn't #$& get here on time!"

Cid was a mere mouthful of bad words. Barret was grinning so hard, it was almost worth worry.

Yuffie came padding back into the room quietly.

Her eyes were red, slightly puffy. I notice she sighs and wipes furiously at her cheeks, as if she was trying to erase all traces of tears. Tears?

"_Yuffie._" I guess she wasn't expecting my whisper, because she jerked her head to the side and stared at me, her eyes wide and slightly glassy. She shakes her head slightly and turns it slowly, finding the rest of the table looking at her expectantly. She blushed fiercely, turning to look out a window.

"Everything's fine, don't worry about me." Tifa started to say something, but Barret chose to interrupt her.

"Hey brat! How the #$#& you been?" It was a rude nickname, but I don't think Barret cared. He is the least polite person I have ever met. Aside from Cid, of course.

Yuffie forced a smile and gave Barret a weak wave.

"Barret. You haven't changed much, I see. I've been good." Her speaking seemed to lighten everyone's worry. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye one more time before concluding that something was definitely wrong, and she was _not _good.

* * *

Tifa really wasn't kidding about the party. Yuffie had been kidding about inviting Rude and Elena, though. Somewhere around 5, Tifa had brought out the alcohol and Yuffie had put on some insanely loud music with too much bass. I have not had more than one glass, but Reno and Cloud are full on drunk, as are Cid and Barret. Yuffie, Tifa, and Aeris are well on their way. 

"I real' love hic this-ong!" I can barely make out what Tifa is saying. Glancing at the stereo, I find out that it's Time After Time from John Tucker Must Die, or something like that. Who is John Tucker?

Anyway, she decides it is a good idea to climb on a table and start dancing. Reno eyes her with a smile, laughing openly. She takes a wrong step and falls off the table, landing in Reno's arms. They're still laughing and he twirls her around in drunken bliss. I raise an amused eyebrow. Cloud is on a couch, with Aeris idly sitting on his knee, having things whispered in her ear that cause her to raise eyebrows and turn red.

Cid and Barret are glaring at each other, clutching bottles of beer. Drinking contest, I assume.

Another song comes on and Yuffie squeals, pulling Tifa over so they can dance. They start dancing in a way that can only be described as dirty, Tifa raking her hands through her hair. Reno drops his jaw, and Cloud pushes it up and reminds him not to drool. Aeris is laughing.

I am uncomfortable finding that I can't stop staring at Yuffie's swaying waist, her tiny skirt clinging to her curves and riding up dangerously high. I look away, but not before she catches me looking and winks. Reno grabs Tifa by the arm and pulls her against him, so that they can dance. Yuffie smiles and laughs drunkenly, then staggers over to me and sits on the arm of the chair.

I reach out to support her but I find that she is sitting rather well and her eyes are dancing over the results of this wild party she helped to throw. She looks at me and I realize that she isn't as wasted as I originally thought.

"Goddamnit! Yous hav' ta be cheatin'! No-hic-body's ever beat me at a drinkin' contest!" Cid is bellowing.

"You crazy little #(&$! I didn' cheat!" Barret is smiling and laughing a little too loudly. He falls back in his chair due to the force of his laughter and crashes to the floor, passing out. Cid cracks up and points before hiccupping and falling on the table.

Everyone else is laughing at the situation, and I'm surprised to find a small laugh rumbling in my chest.

"'ey! Spin th' bottle! We sh'd play that!" Tifa all but screams. Everyone nods and cheers, taking an empty beer bottle and placing it on the floor and forming a circle around it. I hesitate and remain in my chair, but Yuffie is tugging at my collar so hard that a button comes undone.

"Vinnieee, wil' ya hic _please _play with us?" she whined. I sighed and shook my head. She pouted but sat down between Reno and Aeris.

"You g'first, Cloudy!" Aeris is giggling through the blaring music. He spins and, oh the shock, it lands on Aeris. They kiss and as it starts to get out of hand Tifa whacks Cloud on the leg, making them stop.

"MY turn!" She takes the bottle and spins it expertly with a flick of her wrist, and it lands on Cloud.

"Dang I'm gettin' LUCKY t'night!" Tifa looks at Aeris warily but Aeris just giggles again and gives Tifa thumbs up, showing that she could care less. I myself am kind of shocked, I would be angry if I was her. Tifa shrugs and pecks Cloud lightly before sitting again.

Reno wordlessly takes the bottle and spins it, the bottle twisting madly and whirring at top speed. It lands on a smiling Yuffie, who laughs.

"C'mere, baby!" Yuffie leans over and puts her hands on Reno's knees, kissing him forcefully. He grabs her back and pulls her closer, hand traveling up her leg slightly before going back down.

I shouldn't be, but I'm angry that she seems to be enjoying this. I don't understand why. It's Yuffie. It's an innocent game of spin the bottle. But as Reno brushes the edge of her skirt, I think of how it is NOT innocent.

"Damn! Givit a rest, wil'ya?" Yuffie pulls back and plops back down in her previous spot.

"I'MA GO NOW!" Aeris grabs the bottle and spins it clumsily, and it's such a weak spin it stops after only a couple of rotations. It lands on Yuffie.

"Sor'y hon', I dun' swing tha'way." Yuffie shrugs and laughs loudly. Aeris spins again and it lands on Reno.

"Who's lucky NOW!" He starts laughing a little too hard and passes out before Aeris can scoot over to kiss him. She laughs at him and collapses against Cloud, who sighs and glances at Yuffie.

"They're WEAK!" He laughs then passes out too. Yuffie sighs then stands up, swaying before staggering to turn off to the stereo. She must have forgotten that I am also in the room. She presses the off button, before turning at catching me staring at her.

"VINNIE! Om'god, I forgot youwas here." I sigh and stand up, walking over to her.

"Just how drunk are you?"

"Not as much as them!" She giggles and then falls down. "Whoopsie…" I sigh then glance around the room. There is serious cleaning that needs to be done.

"Will you help me get the others in bed?" she nods.

After Tifa and Aeris are in their right places, I pick up Cloud and sling him over one shoulder then dump him in his assigned room. Yuffie somehow manages to drag Cid on the couch and Reno into an empty room. Barret is too heavy for either of us.

"So…guess thissis g'night, huh Vinnie?" Yuffie slurred. I frowned, fearing that she could not make it to the other side of the room, much less her bedroom. In one swoop, I grasp her under the knees and swing her into my arms, her light weight startling me a bit. She giggled and played with my hair, oblivious to her current situation.

"This'll work too!" I sigh and manage to use my hand to open her door, leaning down slightly so that my breath mingled with hers and her eyes caught mine for a second.

Walking inside, I set her down on the bed and gently placed her under the covers, before leaving the room.

"Night, Vincent…"

She used my real name.

"Goodnight, Yuffie."

* * *

The next morning, I was up well before anyone else. I stood by the window, watching small clouds puff their way by. Utah was peaceful in the morning. I relish the silence, and too soon it is broken by a steady stream of words from the other side of the room. 

"Up so soon?"

I turn to find Tifa standing there, a robe wrapped around her slender frame. Her hair is slightly tangled, and her eyes are a little puffy.

"…" She walked to my side, reaching for a bottle of Advil and swallowing one before resting her hands on the counter top and bending down slightly.

"I shouldn't have drank so much…" she sighed, moving a small hand to her head. She smiles, then looks up at me. "You didn't have that much, did you?" I shake my head and she continues. "I don't think Yuffie did either. I'm beginning to suspect that girl is a very good actress." She shakes her head then leans on the counter with her hip, crossing her arms.

"Did you miss us, Vincent?" My eyes widen in surprise at the blunt placement of the question, and I'm trying to find the words to express exactly what I was feeling.

"I…was…somewhat alone, without seeing you everyday." Was that the answer she was looking for?

She shook her head, shooting my answer to the dust. "No, I mean, did you _miss_ us? Like, did you want to see us at all?"

"Well…" She must enjoy putting people on the spot like this. "…yes, I did. I felt heavier without having friends to turn to." Friends? Maybe they really are my friends. She nodded, understanding that that was as much as I was going to say.

"I missed you too, Vincent."

* * *

Breakfast was a lot calmer than the night before. The only music playing was quiet classical coming from a small black radio, and everyone was sitting quietly. 

Tifa was next to Reno, looking out the window and humming to the music while he played with her hair. Aeris and Cloud were whispering to each other, drinking coffee and wincing every once in a while at their headaches. Barret and Cid were in the other room, reading the paper.

And Yuffie was drinking heavily creamed coffee, reading a _Seventeen _magazine while tapping her foot. She looked younger than she really was, with her hair in her face and her round cheeks slightly flushed.

"So what are we doing today?" She always was the first to break the silence.

"I think we should go to the park, then shopping, and then…who knows what." Always full of ideas.

"Not that I need anymore clothes, but still…shopping is good…" Always babbling on.

"What was that Vincent?" I must have said the babbling part out loud…

"…Nothing." She rolled her eyes at me and stood up, her long, baggy pants flapping on her bony legs.

"I'm going to get dressed." Not waiting for anybody to comment, she turned abruptly and left. I found myself mesmerized by the way her hair brushed the nape of her neck, her small shoulders shuddering in the cold.

'_Snap out of it. She'll never think of you that way.' _

Unexpectedly, she came back into the room with her arms somewhat outstretched.

"Uh, hello? Isn't anyone else getting dressed so we can go somewhere?" Aeris smiled and stood up to follow her, pulling Tifa away from Reno so they could get dressed.

* * *

The strip malls near Tifa's house are full of bright stores with useless junk in them. Yuffie is by far the most excited one. 

"Look! Oh my GAWD, a music store! Haven't seen one of those yet! Can we go in? Pleasepleasepleaseplea-"

"Yes." I cut her off. She smirks in my direction before skipping happily into the store.

Once inside, I find it isn't the kind of music store I expected it to be. Instead of being full of CD's and old vinyls, there are pianos, guitars, violins, cellos, and other various stringed instruments littering the aisles. If I'm not mistaken there is a large harp in the far corner of the store.

She bounds over to the piano and glances at the sheet music sitting on the stand.

"Yuffie, my god, can you actually _read _that?" Cloud questions. I can't blame him for his doubts; the sheet is covered in confusing notes and other little scribbles that I cannot recognize. She nodded fervently and sat down on the seat.

"You don't remember? Back at school I took a bunch of musical art classes. Gawd! I swear I even took some with one of you guys…I just can't remember who…"

You took it with me.

She shrugs then looks over the music once more, running her smooth fingers over the more complicated parts.

"Are you going to play that?" Aeris asks timidly. Yuffie nods and smiles at her.

"Yeah, I'll try…it looks a little hard though. So if I make mistakes don't laugh at me! It's called '_Eternity, Memory of Lightwaves'_." She stretched her fingers lightly then started to play.

I am not surprised to find she has incredible skill on the piano; she always had a peculiar flair for it. The others are quiet, their head bowed in quiet appreciation for the beautiful music. And it truly is beautiful. Yuffie closes her eyes and then snaps them back open to keep reading the music. Everybody else in the store is hushed and paying close attention, but they don't come any closer." Yuffie starts to pound out the bridge, her fingers flitting across the keys at a rapid pace. It is no more than a blur of ebony, ivory and silken skin to those who do not look closely. There is a particularly challenging part and she stumbles over the keys slightly before stopping.

"Well, that's as far as I can play. Everything else is too advanced for me. Besides, my fingers are starting to hurt." She bounces up and everybody barrages her with compliments.

"Yuffie, that was spectacular!"

"Way to go, Yuffs."

"That was so amazing."

"#&#'n great, I tell ya. #&#'n great!"

"Naw, #&#'n BRILLIANT."

I mumble a few words of appreciation, but nobody heard me over their yelling. Yuffie turns to me with a luminous look on her face and smiles before turning back around and starting to speak.

"Now, which one of you was in the music class with me? I wanna hear you play!"

"#, wasn't me."

"I can't hold a flame to that."

"I don't recall taking any music classes."

"Sorry, Yuffie."

Then she looks at me with a curious glint in her fiery eyes and raises her eyebrows. I look away, unable to bear the heat in the look she is forcing on me.

"Vinnie? Was it you?" She asks quietly. I do not think she meant to but suddenly I feel like she is shoving me under a bright spotlight and shackling me to the floor.

"It…was I." My voice is barely above a whisper, but somehow she manages to hear me.

"WOOHOO! So play for us why don'tcha?" I nod slowly then walk off.

"W-wait…where are ya going? Piano's this way, Vinnie!"

"I never said I played _piano,_ did I?" I can hear her backing away and I continue forward, stopping only to pick up an acoustic guitar. I turn and stare at the floor on my way to the piano bench.

Their looks are almost too much to bear. I can feel Aeris' green eyes, too bright to look into following my back. Cloud has his mouth slightly agape. It is almost as if they are waiting for me to stumble. To tell them I'm kidding. To fall. But I don't, and I make it to the bench in one piece.

Yuffie smiles lightly and I start to strum.

It is an old song that I can hardly remember. I think I first heard it sometime in high school, but it is good none the less.

Yuffie is mumbling about Beauty In the Breakdown, and I think that may be the song's title, but I can't quite remember. So I just keep on playing.

By the time I'm done, Yuffie is slightly teary and clasping her hands so tightly that they are turning white.

"_There is no beauty in the breakdown_…" she whispers. I'm the only one that heard her.

She lifts her eyes to me, and I see that they're brighter and shinier than usual, one tear spilling over as I furrow my brow at her actions. She mouths 'sorry' before she blinks her tears back and puts on a fake smile.

And I can't help but feel awful, because even though it was the music that caused this I cannot help but feel that I made her cry.


	3. No Secrets

**A/N: **In the last chapter, I know the song is called Beauty in the Breakdown, but I wanted to imply that Yuffie was breaking down and she didn't think she had anything left, hence the '**no beauty**' part. Just to clear that up :) Thanks to the reviewers!

I am sad to say that this is a relatively short chapter. I had to get this one over with sooner rather than later. If its crappy, I'm sorry.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own FF7 or any of the associated characters.

* * *

**Sunday, August 19**

**1:10**

Just leave it to Vincent to make me cry. We were sitting there in the store that I just _had _to go into, and he was playing the stupid guitar that I _had_ to make him play, and now he probably thinks I'm some sort of loser because I cried. I'm such a wuss!

The look he gave me was the worst part. Part curiosity, wonder, amusement…guilt.

After I started crying they all stared at me and of course Tifa just _had_ to ask what was wrong.

"I…it's nothing. I'm _totally _fine!" I mustered up as much confidence and sincerity as I could and even though it convinced Tifa it didn't seem to ease Aeris' worry that much.

"Yuffie, honestly, are you alright? You've been acting kind of strange since that call from the doctor. What happened?" Wow Aeris, could you put your suspicion any more bluntly?

"Aeris, you guys, nothing's wrong. Swear!" I can feel Barret and Cid practically mocking me with their eyes.

"Yuffie." Cloud's slightly low tone makes me gulp and turn to look at him in the eyes. "If something was wrong…you would tell us, right?" I lock eyes with each one of them, lastly turning to look at Vincent. I nod slowly, exhaling the breath I didn't know I had been holding in. He looks down and then nods slowly.

"Well, we should probably be leaving now anyway. I'm thinking that we go get something to eat. You guys game?" We all nodded and said yes in varying fashions, me being the loudest because I was still trying to convince them that nothing was wrong with me. Ha. I'll show them. I may be dying, but I SO still have life in me.

**2:30**

Tifa showed us this amazing diner for lunch. All the girls skate around in pink poodle skirts and frilly sweaters with bangs and cute ribbons. There was the classic black and white checkered floor and the blaring neon lights that perfectly accentuated the pale beige wall. I choked out a small giggle at the uncomfortable look on Vincent's face from being surrounded with so much pink and bright light, but he certainly wasn't getting out of it.

We sat at the corner booth because we were such a big group, and in my opinion, we also got the best view. The window that was right behind me faced a big open road with orange tinged trees lining it and there were almost no cars. Plus the sky was a nice shade of blue and there was puffy white clouds shaped like animals.

"So what do you guys want for lunch?" Tifa asks.

Insert '_oh shit' _here.

How am I supposed to eat something without throwing it back up?

I'm not even sure why I just don't tell them. Maybe it's pride? Well, that and the fact that if I admitted how sick I was it would be a serious blow to my self-esteem. I'm supposed to be the one who's always full of life, the girl who never shuts up and is always happy. And now I'm angsting it out over a sickness I barely understand. A sickness that will _kill me_. I don't really think the depth of the situation has sunk in yet about my predicament, but when it does I'll know it. I should figure it out soon though; I figure my days are limited.

Yeah. My days are limited. I should ration my time now that it's restricted.

"Hi, my names Amanda and I'll be your waitress today. Could I take your drink orders?"

What to drink, what to drink…

_Coke, Diet Coke, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Root Beer, Lemonade, Green Tea_

Wait, what? What kind of diner sells tea? I don't think I've ever actually had green tea though. Maybe I should try it. It wouldn't hurt.

"I'll have Green Tea, please." Tifa gives me a funny look.

"I'll have Pepsi."

And everybody else has some boring, regular soda. Points for originality, waitress! Do I get a prize? Maybe some more Green Tea? Or maybe an extend-your-life pill that hasn't been released to the public yet?

Ha. In my dreams. The waitress leaves before I can ask about the prize anyways.

"So, what do you guys want to do after we eat? There's a carnival in a couple of days, but until then I don't know what else is going on."

Let's see, let's see…what is there to do around here? WAIT! Utah is cold. Cold means ice.

"What about ice skating?" Tifa's eyes brighten.

"That's a great idea, Yuffie! Does anybody object?" Nobody objects, Tifa. Let's just eat then go skating before I get sick again. "Okay then. Skating it is!"

By now the waitress is back with the drinks and I am slurping away at my tea, finding that the herbal and soothing scents are making me feel a little better.

"Have you decided on your meals yet?"

Oh damn, I forgot that part. Well…grilled cheese? Maybe. A burger? No, something easy. Macaroni and Cheese will work.

"Macaroni and Cheese, please!" She smiles at my childish rhyming and takes the other orders.

"Hey, hey listen you guys. I got a joke." Oh great. Cid's jokes.

"One day, Pete complained to his friend, 'My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.'

His friend said, 'Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only  
costs $10.00.'

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid  
heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction."

Barret starts snickering at that part.

"He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant . . . twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better."

By this point everybody is laughing, doubling over and clutching their stomachs. I'm kind of amazed to see that Vincent is smiling a little. As much as I want to, and I really do, I can't seem to laugh at this. The word '_doctor_' is still echoing in my head.

Tifa is clutching her hand to her heart and turns to me, her face red.

"Yuffie why aren't you laughing? That was hilarious!" Oh, I'll tell you why. Because anything with doctors isn't very funny.

"…I don't know, Tifa. I just didn't think it was very funny…" People quiet down and look at me. Never have I felt as small as I do now, sinking down in my part of the booth and reddening slightly.

"Yuffie, what's wrong? And don't say nothing because I know something is up. There has been something wrong since you got the call from the doctor. And it's not like your si-**_oh_**." Leave it to Cloud to accidentally figure out that I'm sick. He is so stupid sometimes, but let me tell you when that kid wants to he can figure anything out.

"Yuffie, please tell me your not sick." Oh, that's it!

"Why, Cloud? Does it bother you?" I snap. "Worried that I'll infect you? Don't worry, it's not contagious. In fact, I don't even know how I got it in the first place!" I'm kind of ashamed to admit that I was now yelling at them and the whole table had stopped laughing and smiling to listen to me.

"Yeah, you heard me. I'm sick. It's called Hemosiderosis. Got it?" _Screaming screaming screaming._ "H-E-M-O-S-"

"**Yuffie.**" Oh, Vincent.

"Yuffie…I had no idea you were sick. I am so, so sor-"

"I don't want your damn pity, spike!" I'm glaring at the checkered floor now and my eyes are welling up with tears.

"I wasn't trying to give you pity, Yuffie."

"Honey, it's going to be alright. You'll be fine soon, I'm sure." For once I just want to stand up and slap Aeris right in her sympathetic little face. No, _honey,_ I won't be better. I'm going to die. I am never going to get a mid-life crisis, I'm never going to get married, and I'm never going to have children. All I get is to die. It is not okay. _I am not **okay. **_

Now I let out a choked sob, and my face is littered with tears. I put my head into my hands and my shoulders heave. Of all the places to start crying… Gawd, I am such a baby! What is _wrong _with me!

Tifa lightly places her hand on my shoulder, and I tumble into her arms which start to rub my back.

I can seriously **feel** Barret and Cid staring at me with their intense faces, but I don't even want to deal with them right now. Cloud and Aeris are probably still reeling with their pity, or maybe sympathy, but what's the difference really?

And Vincent… I lift my head up from Tifa's shoulder and turn to look at him. His eyes are slightly glazed over and he's wringing his hands in his lap. He turns his face to meet mine and he narrows his eyes slightly.

"Yes?"

"You…you…" I sputter. Does he ever show emotion?

"Oh, forget _you_ Vincent!_"_ He merely blinks at me and turns to look behind the booth.

"Shape up, Yuffie. Food's coming."

I swear to god, it's like the guy doesn't even have a soul. Why do I even bother with him? I shiver at the thought, and it's not from anger this time.

**8:40**

After the diner, we decided to just skip skating and come right back to Tifa's. I took a shower and just went and locked myself into the room she's letting me stay in. It just so happens, I was smart and brought along a little Discman and a set of small speakers that can plug into it. Plus my CDs. Who ever said that hours of sad music and rock can't make you feel better was a bad, bad liar.

Not that I feel much better really, just that it helps me forget what happened. Except the one thing I can't forget is Vincent's cold face looking at me like I was a piece of shit stuck to the floor. _Gawd_, Vincent… Like he cares anyway. Why do I keep thinking of him? I can't like him. 'Cause that would just be insane. He hates me. He will _never _think of me that way.

_Knock._

"What?" They should have just left me alone for the night, but knowing Aeris and Tifa they must have sent someone to check on me or just come themselves.

"May I speak with you, Yuffie?" Damnit, Vincent!

"Whatever." Oh, my door is locked. I'm snickering and he's struggling with it, then he sighs.

"Yeah hold on, I'll be right there.

I get up and go unlock the door, opening it calmly and pushing it to the side. I really want to but somehow I manage not to look up at his intense eyes, but instead at his muscled chest, covered in stretchy black material. Why in hell is he wearing under armor? Does he _like _torturing people?

"Yuffie…" And now I lift my eyes to his, stormy gray roughly clashing with his heated crimson. "May I come inside? I would like to speak with you." Cut the formalities, Vince.

"Yeah. Whatever." I turn around, my hair splaying across his chest because we were so close, and suddenly I am wishing that hair had nerve endings. He moves faster than me and brushes my shoulder with his before he sits down on the edge of my bed. I follow.

It's comfortable silence for a couple of minutes then he shifts and I move completely onto the bed, crossing my legs and eyeing him critically.

"Why did you hide this from us?" My eyes squeeze shut and my heart freezes over slightly.

"Vincent… I hid it because…well, I'm really not sure. I guess I didn't want to admit to anybody, much less myself, that I was sick." He nods lightly and some part of me hopes he understands. "Self-esteem, y'know?" I offer weakly.

"Yes." That one word says so much to me. He understands. He practically just told me he did. Or maybe I'm over-analyzing this? Nah.

"Have you ever been sick like me, Vincent?" He turns to face me, his eyes no longer hard crimson but soft and gentle scarlet.

"No. I have not had anything worse than the flu or a cold." That must have been the longest sentence he has said to me this whole trip. Oh happiness! And in spite of myself, I manage to smile. This whole situation is just so ridiculous! What the hell is wrong with me? I should be out seeing the world or doing crazy shit like all the other dying people! Well, maybe not all the dying ones, but the ambitious ones with mobility. Yeah. By now I am full on laughing, and not just small laughs but heart-stopping and wall-shaking heaves. Vincent's looking at me funny, which just makes it all the harder to calm down. By now tears are pooling in my eyes and dropping onto the sheets.

"Yuf…fie?"

"Vincent, oh gawd! I'm so sorry, but I just…oh I don't know, I was just wondering what was wrong with me. And it ended up being…really funny, and I…just…and yeah…"

"There's nothing wrong with you, Yuffie." Hold, reverse, play!

"What?" In all honesty, did _the _Vincent Valentine say that to me?

"You heard me." Well maybe he did, and yes I did hear him. But that was the best thing I've heard all day.

"Thank you, Vincent." He looks at me skeptically and his eyes ask his question for him.

"For telling me that nothing is wrong with me. I really appreciate it." He nods and looks down.

And suddenly strange, creepy sounding music fills the room. Did I leave my CD player on…?

"_I wanna give in to the woman in me. I wanna be someone they don't want me to be. The moral of the story is I got no choice. I must not chase the boys."_

**PLAY? **When the hell did I make this CD!

Vincent is looking at me and his eyes are amused, his mouth curving into a tiny smile. Oh grace the gods; Vincent Valentine has smiled with me in his vicinity.

"Uh…heh heh…my bad?" He shakes his head as I switch off the CD player and the small smile is still there.

"You really are a piece of work Yuffie." My smile falls. That pretty much cancelled out the 'nothing's wrong with you, Yuffie'.

I must have a hurt look on my face or something, because his smile fades and he looks at me with a slightly sorrowful look.

"I'm…sorry." I shake my head and look away.

"That's alright Vinnie. I don't mind that much anymore." And now his face has a pained look, almost like he wants to take my hurt away and tuck it inside of himself. Protective are we, Valentine?

He continues staring at me and his face is totally blank. Oh damn, now I've gone and lost myself in Vincent's eyes. _Vice Versa?_

Somehow I slip on the silken material of my pants and I touch his knee with my hand. This clears his mind, apparently, because he coughs a little and pulls away.

"I must go now. Goodnight, Yuffie."

"Goodnight, Vinnie…" _Cringe._

He gets off the bed and exits, closing the door with a small clack. Surprisingle enough, I don't think he realizes that I hear him mutter 'sweet dreams'.

And he shouldn't worry. I'll be fine tonight. I'm just glad he said goodnight to me.

Oh well. Sweet dreams to you too, Vinnie.

* * *

**A/N: **Yeah. Not the best, but I guess it's okay. Review por favor.


	4. You Could be Happy

**A/N: **Here ya go, chapter 4. Sorry it took so long. And you know something else? My boyfriend is a pain in the ASS.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

What does Yuffie dream of? I hope she does not have nightmares, caused by some twisted part of her sickness. How unfortunate that would be.

It's almost humorous, people sit around in churches and worship gods so that tragedy might slip and overlook them, but things like this still happen. It is always the horrible and wrong people who scrape by while innocents like Yuffie become unwell. And last time I checked, Hemosiderosis was a rare disease. What little chance Yuffie had of getting it had seized her by the lungs and choked until the iron started flowing in.

Maybe I'm just being irrational. Maybe whatever god was up there had a reason for Yuffie to become sick. Perhaps she was being taught a lesson.

But of what?

'_Oh, forget you Vincent!'_

That had stung more than it should have. Caught up in my own façade of aloof, I had managed to convince her that I was apathetic towards the situation. That was a total and complete lie. A _lie_. I was feeling terrible about the whole thing. Honestly, I was. Could the gods be using her teach me a lesson?

'_Self-esteem, y'know?'_

Ludicrous.

No matter what I told myself, this was wholly about Yuffie. And even thinking that her problems had anything to do with me was selfish and out of place.

'_Thank you, Vincent. For telling me that nothing is wrong with me. I really appreciate it.'_

Or maybe I really did have something to do with this. But that just presents another flurry of questions. What did **any **of this have to do with me? It's not like I'm some missing piece of her, and whatever happens to her is as much my fault as it is hers. If that was the case, then I would _really _have to believe in a god. Which I do not.

A slight headache is pulsing at the back of my head now. Maybe I should actually lie down and try to sleep.

Somehow I know it is no use. I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep very well tonight. These morbid thoughts are blocking out the need. That and this room smells far too sweet for a man in my position.

_Just like Yuffie. _

Why do my thoughts always go back to her? A small voice in the back of my head was screaming at me, trying to explain, but I barely grasped a word or two before it slipped away and I began to wonder what it had been about. It was a perfect circle, and I wasn't quite sure what was in the center.

_Yeah, a perfect circle of Yuffie. _

Like _that. _Things like _that_ have been flying through my head for the past… hour? Yes, about that much. Even before, being in the room with her, it was… intoxicating. I should not think of her that way. When she was looking up at me through her eyelashes and mesmerizing me by the shadowy depths of her eyes, I think I truly lost myself. I am far too attached to her.

But that still doesn't explain what is in the center of the circle. It may be a circle _of _Yuffie, but I don't think she's _in_ it. What other options does that leave?

_Answers. _

* * *

The following morning was just like the day before. Sitting around a table, drinking coffee and silent as the grave. Only this time, there was no classical music to occupy the silence. The only thing that penetrated the awkwardness was Yuffie's astonishingly chipper attitude and inexhaustible speech.

Maybe she had a happy dream instead of a nightmare. If she even had nightmares. She's one giant, 100-watt bulb of happy.

Impenetrable, intense, and a great source of light.

She was going on and on about something _When A Stranger Calls. _

"…So I was thinking we could all go to the theater and get tickets for it!"

What?

"What?"

Tifa has the best timing.

"I _said, _let's go to the theater and get tickets so we can see When a Stranger Calls!" It's better than spending a Monday in the house. Besides, it's not like anybody else is volunteering any information. What in the world made her so happy today?

"Isn't that supposed to be really scary?" Aeris asked with a worried expression. Barret snorted and Cid laughed loudly.

"What! So I'm a little fragile! It doesn't mean that I'm weak or something!" The pair just looked at each other and burst out laughing once more. Cloud was chuckling a little, much to Aeris's annoyance. She stood up and put her fisted hands on her hips.

"Oh, I'll show you guys. Just you wait." Tifa raised her eyebrows.

"You guys shouldn't underestimate her. She's actually quite strong. I remember one time we were in a fight she threw a textbook at me and nearly broke my collarbone. And my nose."

"AERIS? Nawww. She wouldn't hurt a fly." Tifa just snorted in warning and went back to circling her fingers around the rim of her coffee cup and watching her friends.

"…Would she?" Barret asked, amusement leaving his eyes for a second before returning with full vigor. The girl in question just narrowed her eyes into sparkling slits.

"Barret, Tifa isn't kidding around. Aeris _is _really strong." Yuffie adds. Now he started to look a little anxious.

She smiled pleasantly, and then stood up before walking around the table to meet him. He scrambled out of his seat and went into the other room as Aeris picked up a frying pan and called his name in a sickly sweet voice. Everybody else laughed, and I allowed a small smile to grace my lips.

"I hope she doesn't hurt him too bad. It might be hard to explain to people why Barret is so beat up, seeing as he usually does the beating." Yuffie said lightly.

Tifa beamed at her, and a yelp was heard from another room of '_watch where you stick that, woman!'_

Aeris came back into the kitchen a moment later and snuck back into her seat while Cloud lightly patted her on the leg in congratulations of proving her point.

A minute or so later, Barret came limping into the room clutching his shoulder and smiling painfully.

"Damn. Shoulda known Aeris would never tella lie."

* * *

About an hour later, everybody was gathered in the front hall waiting patiently for Tifa to get her car keys and drive them to the movie theater. Reno was clicking his tongue in an annoyed fashion at Barret, who was trying to tell a joke to him which was no doubt terrible. Cid was the one with all the good jokes. Aeris and Cloud were just standing quietly and looking patient.

Yuffie bent and unbent her legs to the beat of a song she was humming. She had her hands in the pocket of her puffy jacket and was tossing her head from side to side lightly flicking hair in and out of her eyes to amuse herself.

She was probably doing a better job of amusing me.

Tifa shouted 'aha!' and came padding back through the halls with the keys to her explorer. She gestured for somebody to open up the door. Yuffie stopped tossing her head and seized the opportunity, opening and throwing the door to the side.

She bound out into the cool air and ran to the car as fast as she could.

"SHOTGUN!" She shrieked. Reno chuckled and ran after her.

"Not a chance, I always get the front passenger seat. Get in the back, girly!" Yuffie pouted and turned to whine at Tifa when she approached.

The petite brunette wasn't meeting her eyes, though, but blushing and fumbling with her keys in her fingers. It was apparent that Tifa had a thing for Reno and wanted him to sit by her. Cloud took the liberty of stepping in.

"Yuffie, come on and sit next to Aeris. You can sit in the front later."

Her eyes lost their light for a second but she quickly nodded her head and went to stand next to Aeris.

I climbed into the truck first, going all the way to the back and sitting on the right. Barret and Cid were next, and they squashed themselves into the remaining space in the back of the truck. Cloud got in and sat in the farthest left window seat, Aeris got into the middle, and Yuffie sat directly in front of me. Reno slammed the front passenger door, signaling he was in and Tifa got in after him and stuck the key in the ignition before turning around.

"Everyone settled and comfy?"

"NO!" Cid and Barret bellowed from the back. Tifa just chuckled and turned the key.

"Hey Teefs, can we listen to some music?" Yuffie asked.

"Sure thing. Reno, could you?" He opened the glove compartment and searched through DMV papers, bank slips, and random junk until he found a CD holder. He tossed it backwards and hit Yuffie in the face with it.

"Hey! Watch it, you!" He laughed at her antics. She unzipped the case and started flipping through it, going past Nightwish, some mixed CD, Hellogoodbye, Evanescence, and another two mixed CDs before selecting one of the CDs labeled "AFI" and squealing.

"This one! THIS ONE!"

"Holy #! brat, quit your whinin' an' just wait for them to put the $!n' thing in the player!"

Yuffie pouted and crossed her arms at Cid, who was just laughing at her.

"Now now, children. Play nice!" Aeris chided jokingly. Yuffie let out a small giggle but listened to Aeris and waited patiently for the music to play.

As soon as the first guitar chords started playing Tifa, Aeris, and Yuffie all started to nod their heads and tap their feet to the beat.

"What is this?" Cloud asked no one in particular.

"It's AFI! Aeris, Yuffs and I discovered them almost two months before graduation. They are just…amazing."

The lead singer, who was not surprisingly male, started to sing and all three girls started to sing along.

I watched Yuffie as she sang. Her lips are strangely sensual and full and the pale pink curves are enough to make someone want to kiss her.

_Of course **you** want to kiss her._

_No, no I don't. This is Yuffie. Why would I kiss Yuffie? _

_Because you want to. Because you like her._

Maybe that's it. That would explain why I'm always thinking of her and how she's the embodiment of my thoughts lately. But what is it about her? What is so special about her?

For one thing, I respect her. She is very small on the outside, but on the inside she has a larger than life personality that many find hard to deal with. She accepts that she can be a little intense sometimes and gets over it. And the Hemosiderosis thing, that must be…hard for her, to say the least. The courage it takes to cope with that everyday, to know that you're sick and that you might not get better. That takes incredible moral fiber, which I guess is a plus of her somewhat optimistic personality.

Another thing about her that strikes me as different is the way she is seemingly perfect without being perfect. She has obvious flaws, like her inability to understand people as well as others, but she does a pretty good job of understanding people's _feelings_.

Psychology over Physicality.

It's like I've got her all figured out, but I could probably spend the rest of my life around her and never stop being surprised. Sure, there would be some sort of routine and familiarity, but it would never stop being exciting. Life would always be twists and turns, life would be _happy._

But I don't know if I could do the same for her.

And Yuffie of all people deserves that much.

* * *

The wind was a lot colder and had more of a bite to it when we were outside waiting for tickets. Everybody was huddled into each other for warmth as Tifa was waiting for our turn in line. Aeris had her head snuggled into Cloud's neck and was clinging to his shirt as he held her. Barret and Cid were supposedly "too manly" to huddle together, so they just stood there and bit their lips for distraction. Tifa was acting like she didn't notice, but Reno was behind her and had his fingertips lightly resting on her hip and was talking with incredibly large hand gestures as she laughed.

Yuffie was standing next to me, her arms wrapped around her torso in an attempt to retain body heat. I watched her with slight amusement as she chattered her teeth and hopped from foot to foot, looking around frantically for someone to latch onto. She turned her head and saw me, standing there forlornly by myself. Not that I was actuallysad or anything.

She looked at my arms folded securely over my chest and beamed up at me.

"Hey. Hey Viiiiinieee…aren't you cold at all?" Her eyes sparkled in the sunlight as she looked at me, trying to figure out my response. Like I was going to give her the liberty.

I just stood there and blinked at her, seemingly unfazed by the passionate look in her eyes as she bore into me. She lost the amused look on her face and it was replaced with a lost stare. She looked so bizarre then, like she was in a crowd of strangers and was used to it. I imagined a lost Yuffie, small and crying, completely unaware of anything but the fear of never getting back home. How…touching…

I reached out my hand and lightly touched her cheek, smoothing my fingers over the chilly skin there. It was soft and smooth, silky to the touch. Her eyelids fluttered at the sensation of my fingers as they traveled down to her chin and traced her jaw line. My hand came to a stop behind her ear, and my thumb caressed the skin still on her cheek. Her eyes completely closed and she leaned into the touch, wanting more than I could give.

_More than you could **ever** give, Valentine!_

I sharply took my hand back, wishing that I didn't criticize myself so harshly. Why couldn't I ever just…get what I wanted? Everything had to be so _hard!_

Her silvery eyes shot open at the lack of my touch and she sadly looked away.

"Yuffie, I-"

"Hey! You guys! We have the tickets, let's go!" Tifa interrupted. I looked over and nodded. Taking one last longing look at Yuffie, I made my way after the rest of the group into the theater.

* * *

"…_Who is this?"_

"…_Have you checked the children?"_

This movie is odd. Almost pathetic because it's so predictable, but I guess it serves its purpose: To scare the living daylights out of people whenever they hear a phone ring. Or better yet, whenever they hear footsteps from behind them.

The main character, Jill, reaches a particularly climactic moment and half the people in the theater scream. Ironically, I ended up sitting right next to Yuffie. She has apparently forgotten about what happened earlier, but I have not. She is clutching at my arm, trying to fight back screams and only succeeding half of the time. Her small legs are curled up under her and her cheek is resting lightly on my bicep. She cringes at a scary part and curls up tighter.

"Yuffie, my arm is starting to hurt." I whisper into her ear. She stiffens and shivers at the cool breath on her neck, but doesn't let go.

"Sorry, Vinnie." She loosens her grip.

The scent of her hair is so strong it is drifting all the way up to my nose, so thickly that you'd think that her hair had just been washed.

_Refreshing and a little exotic._

Quietly as possible, I breathe her scent in, and pretend that instead I'm breathing her. She cringes again and pulls my arm tighter, sitting up higher so that she can rest her head in the crook of my neck. I take my free hand and set it lightly on top of hers to let her know that there isn't going to be any deranged killers around anytime soon. She glances at my hand, and then her fearful eyes look into my blank ones. She smiles lightly and releases my arm, taking my hand instead. She keeps her head on my shoulder, though. It smells stronger when she's this close. I close my eyes and forget about the rest of the movie, and instead think of the feeling of her hair on my neck and fingers clasped in mine.

* * *

**A/N:** Until next time, then. Hope you enjoyed. Thanks to all the reviewers from the last chapter. And don't forget to review this chapter too :)


	5. The Last Something That Meant Anything

**A/N: **Just an fyi, when I'm done with this story I'm going to go through all of the chapters and edit them for grammer and stupid errors and stuff. And I made an extra long chapter this time, almost twice the length of my regular chapters. Enjoy :) AND FREAKING REVIEW WHEN YOUR DONE!

**Disclaimer: **FF7 isn't mine. The Curse of Curves isn't mine. It belongs to Cute Is What We Aim For. And if I was really giving credit for it, I'd give it to my friend Liz who is freaking sex for the population and told me about it.

* * *

**Monday, August 20**

**3:10 PM**

This is, well, an…interesting movie, to say the least. Totally classic. The babysitter goes to the house to watch the kids and she's doomed right from the start, because lo and behold!-someone's in the house _stalking _her. Somehow, this babysitter managed to escape the sadistic loser that was hiding in the attic. Fascinating.

Vinnie's kind of distracting though. I faked scared a while ago and grabbed onto him and still haven't let go, but the surprising part is that he's holding me back. I don't think he cares if I let go or not either. The distracting part is that he smells really nice, like firewood burning in the winter and wintergreen trees. When did he get so wintry? I don't care.

Wait, what in the world? Why is everybody in the theater screaming? Why is Jill running—

Oh. The sadistic loser caught her. Wait, no, no…no, yes, he got her…NO, no she…uh, tore out her hair and…yeah she got away. Ha, take THAT stupid, evil man!

Did I laugh out loud? Vincent's looking at me funny.

"Yes, Vincent? Do you need something?" he shakes his head as Tifa throws popcorn at me and tells me to shut up. I stick out my tongue at her. Oh, that's mature, Yuffie. I just go back to smelling Vinnie and watching the movie. Wait…

IS HE PLAYING WITH MY HAIR?! Oh good god!

"..Vincent?" I ask quietly. The hair falls back on my head and he looks at the screen and avoids my questioning gaze. Oh well. I shrug and pop another piece of popcorn in my mouth.

Oh, how sad. Her alcoholic friend died.

…Maybe I'm being too sarcastic about this movie. I mean, what if one of my alcoholic friends died? Then again, I don't have any alco…no, scratch that, I'm sure Reno counts as alcoholic. What if Reno died? Well, Tifa would be sad, that's for sure. What's going on with them anyways? It's so obvious that she likes him, maybe even loves him, but what does he feel? Reno never really seemed like the type to be tied down to one woman, so I'm not sure. And besides, I don't really know him as well as Tifa does. Come to think of it, he's probably one of her best friends. When did this happen? Has everything been passing me by and I've just been here, stuck in time, watching it all go without realizing it left? What is wrong with me!

Okay, I totally need to calm down.

**Tuesday, August 21**

**12:46 AM**

Ooh, I _love _Tifa's cooking. I've been in her kitchen for the past 15 minutes just eating everything in her fridge, 'cause it all tastes so damn GOOD! Even if I _do _end up being sick to my stomach, I don't think I would care. It would be _totally _worth it. Now I'm sitting at her table, writing and watching the moon and clouds through the window. I think I'll play twenty questions with myself.

_What are you going to do after the reunion is over?_

Does it have anything to do with sky-diving? _No. _**Damn.**

Go home? _Yes. _**Scowl.**

By myself? _No. _**Smile.**

With Tifa and Aeris? _Yes. _**Cheers.**

Just Tifa and Aeris? _No. _**Oh?**

So, the guys too? _Yes. _**I see.**

Oh, so that means Vincent too, right? _Yes. _**Torture.**

Are you glad about that? _..Yes. _**Insanely.**

So you're going to convince all of your friends to fly back to New York with you, just so you won't be alone when you DIE? _Yes! _**You make it sound so harsh…**

Maybe I should stop this before it gets too intense. I could end up beating the shit out of myself. Mentally, at least. The doctors didn't say anything, but I fear I'm starting to go slightly insane because of this sickness. Down with the sickness! Yeah, good song.

Why does god let people get sick, anyways? He's supposed to love them, and not want them to get hurt. But then things like this happen. What did I do to deserve this? The worst I've ever done is just to lie to people, and, okay…I did start fights sometimes, but what kind of child doesn't? Children are chaos incarnate. But it's not like I would ever know what a child was like, really. I wouldn't live long enough to ever have them, and I forget what I was like when I was little. _Sniffle, cry cry cry…_ I know I'm stronger than this. And besides, they said it was mostly terminal, so that means I have a chance to live. A very, very, SMALL chance to live, but still, that's hope nonetheless. Hoping hurts right now. I know better, but since when have I ever listened to reason? Reason is for the people who will live a long, long, life. And apparently, I'm not going to. _Silly girl. You know you'll get through this. Stop being so hard on yourself. _Oh well, what can you do, right? And hey, maybe if I get lucky, some strange miracle will happen and I'll have an amazing story to tell and I'll live forever. Fat chance.

What am I going to do when I get out of here, really? Sure, I'll go home and stuff, but do I really want all of them to come with me? You can never be too sure about twenty questions, anyways. Especially when you play by yourself.

I sigh and continue looking out the window at the full moon. It's slightly shrouded by clouds and the sky looks purple. It's really beautiful.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

…Oh. Vincent really needs to stop sneaking up on people like that. _Really. _

"Yeah. Did I…wake you up or something?"

"No. I was already awake. I cannot sleep tonight." His eyes travel over my face and then he looks out the window, leaning slightly on the pane and looking rather cute in his…

Okay. No. Stop riiiight there.

Usually, right now is when I'd say 'he's too old!' or 'he's taken, Yuffie dear!' to myself, but…those excuses didn't apply. He's my age, and from what I know- he doesn't have a girlfriend…or a boyfriend. _Shudder._ Not that I'm homophobic or against gay people, but seriously, if Vinnie was gay or something then I…well, what would I do? It's not that I would totally reject him and then never speak to him again or anything totally drastic like that but I definitely think that our relationship would change. What relationship? I think I really need to take a chill pill and think about this. Okay, one: Vinnie-VINCENT, gotta remember to call him that a little more, 'Vinnie' bothers him-is one of my best friends. Somewhat a little disappointing, that. Why so disappointing? _You're crazy in like with the guy. _Uhhhh. Maybe? It's just Vincent, and…okay, good lord, I have to stop using that excuse. Yeah it's Vincent, Vinnie, whatever the hell I want to call him at the moment, but it's not just. He is important to me. Actually, he is VERY important to me. And no matter what I say to myself, he IS really good looking. _And really single. _Okay, maybe I like Vincent. A _little. _That's all I'm ready to admit to myself-or anybody-anyways.

Oh god, I've been staring at him. Hope he didn't notice. I'd be really embar-oh. He _noticed._

"Eh...he he?" The corner of his mouth quirks up in what some people would recognize as a smile, others a smirk, and he shakes his head a little.

"I used to study the stars when I was a small boy. They always evoked a strange fascination in the unknown. I used to stay awake all hours of the night, just learning and taking to heart the patterns and different constellations. Perseus and Andromeda were always my favorites."

"Canis Major. I like the stories behind the stars almost as much as the actual constellations." He looked at me like he was searching for something, and then he nodded slowly, not breaking contact.

"So I assume you know who…or rather, what, Canis Major was?"

"One of Orion's hunting dogs." I smile. He nods and turns back to the window. Okay, forget trying to restrain myself- I'm going to say this anyway. He looks so sexy when he's all concentration and oblivious. It's the way his hair falls in his eyes. I should ask him why they're red sometime…

Ugh. Looks aren't everything, anyways. I wonder if I'm turning blue yet from the cyanosis? The doctor said it wouldn't be until at least a month after I got diagnosed that the cyanosis would set in. Would they still like me if I was always blue? But, not really, because blue would also mean sad and I'm always happy. Not always but you get what I mean! I'm a contradiction. A cheerful-blue person.

I wonder if Vincent is ever sad. Or really happy. I hardly know anything about him. Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks in the head!

"Hey…Vincent…?"

"Yes, Yuffie?" _Automatic._

"When are you happiest? Or…and, when are you saddest? Or when _were_ you." My cheeks are getting pink by now. That sounded better in my head I don't want to blush around him. I want everything to feel…natural. Not forced. He looks at me again like he's searching my soul and finding all my secrets.

"I…" He stops for a couple minutes, just thinking. Those _EYES_!

"I was most happy when everything wasn't so hard. Or, when life wasn't complicated with responsibilities and possibilities that never would occur to me without those responsibilities. Well, with or without them."

"I…uh-"

"Let me explain, Yuffie. What I'm trying to say, is that I am most happy when I don't have anything to worry about. When life is as simple as taking the left or right way of the fork in the road, and white or black. When things are undemanding and effortless. When you don't have to concentrate or think about what you're doing, you just…_do_ it, and it is what it is and nobody tells you that it's wrong or that you need to change something. Nobody depends on you too much, but they still trust you enough to let you do the easy things. That is when I'm happiest."

That makes a lot of sense. I think the same way, a lot of the time. But not all the time. Diversity works in a relationship. Keeps it dynamic and fresh. _Relationship…?_

"And I…I'm saddest…saddest, when I'm surrounded by death and…and control." He clenches and unclenches his fists. I put a hand lightly on his shoulder so he'll feel better, safer, more _secure-_and he puts his hand on top of it, just like what he did at the movies when I was scared. Is he scared, too? I push his hand off and take mine away and he looks really shocked, and somewhat rejected-until I stand on my tiptoes and sling my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. He tenses up briefly, before he relaxes and puts his arms around my lower back, molding me as close to him as he can. Something is…something is _wrong_ for him to be acting like this. He's shaking a little, and I tangle my fingers into his hair slightly and pull his head into the curve of my neck and shoulder. His breath is cool and somehow nostalgic, and I suddenly am hit with a wave of deja-vu. This has all happened before, I know it. Some time in the past, this life or another, we've held each other like this-hopeful, desperately trying to save the other from some unknown internal demon. And then it's gone.

Suddenly, I feel…older.

"Yuffie…he breathes into my hair, tickling my neck and making me shudder. "Thank you. I…"

"Shh, don't try to explain right now. Vincent, I will _always_ be here for you. No matter what." He breaks contact and his eyes stumble over his surroundings, before he turns to stare out of the window again. He's breathing tensely and I put my hand on his chest gently, rubbing the area near his heart softly.

…And he pushes me away.

"I am sorry, Yuffie, for...losing control like that. It won't happen again."

W…what? No, Vincent! It's okay! You don't have to be _embarrassed_ in front of me! I would never do anything to hurt you, or laugh at you…or…or…GAWD! And you know that! HE KNOWS THAT! _Don't push me away!_

"Vinnie, what…what in the…" I sputter uncontrollably. "What the hell are you talking about! You didn't lose control '_like that'_!" I made quotes with my fingers. How tacky. "Just stop trying to be so damn perfect and untouchable all the time!" He turns back to me, glaring down at me and it's almost as if he was telling me to shut up, I didn't know what I was talking about. And suddenly I'm fed up with lies, secrets, and people keeping _everything_ from _EVERYONE!_

"VINCENT VALENTINE!" I whisper-scream, poking him _hard_ in the shoulder until he stumbles and falls back into a wall. "Stop trying to convince me that you're some effing stickler! IT'S _STUPID_! I _KNOW_ THAT THERE ARE THINGS THAT UPSET YOU, AND I UNDERSTAND BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME- A LOT- OF THINGS THAT UPSET ME, TOO!" Oh shit. I'm crying. "Y-you…you don't have to live alone, Vinnie! You're _not alone! _I'm- _we're_-all right here! It's okay for you to have problems sometimes! Stop HIDING it!"

I'm panting and I think my eye is twitching. He looks down at me and his face is expressionless and it looks like he is pondering something. The tears are stuck behind my eye by a flimsy façade of control and I know, that in a minute it's going to fall and everything is going to come pouring- _pouring_- out, and now all of the sudden I'm the one who's trying to be perfect and the one who's hiding things and attempting to be untouchable and oh god Vinnie I'm breaking down now and it's all pouring, flooding down my cheeks, and you're brushing the tears away with a gentleness I never knew you had.

"Yuffie…"

I choke out a strangled 'Mmmpghf' and he pulls my head to his chest and I'm clutching at his shirt and trying not to sob too loud.

"Vinnie, I dun wanna be sick anymore and I dun wanna hide anything and I know I am you're not the only one I'm sorry for yelling please forgive me for being sucha dork and thinking that I could handle everything by myself and solve all the problems and all of _your _problems, and-"

He tells me to hush and I bawl into his chest, unexpectedly wanting more from him than I know he's willing to give.

And it only just occurs to me that he mentioned death.

**3:28 AM**

You know how it is when you're so exhausted you just want to curl up and _sleep_ for the rest of your life? I thought tonight was one of those nights. But I can't even fall asleep. What kind of crap is that?

I wish Vinnie was still out here but he went back to his room almost an hour ago. His arms are comforting. And I guess I could really relate to him, with the whole secrets and trying to do everything on your own. I used to think we were so different from each other, like ying and yang, night and day. But…

What does it all mean!?

I'm so _tired _from always having to check and recheck my feelings! I'm _tired _of trying to figure out exactly what he means to me, and exactly why all of this is happening! Who said life had to be perfectly explained anyways? All of this is just a stupid game of people trying to claw their way to the top and be the best and most amazing human being _ever. _I wish life had a remote control. A pause button, rewind button, stop button, the whole package. Oh, and one of those guide buttons that would lead me to a magical and mysterious guide to life. All just wishful thinking. And I'm _tired _of wishful thinking. It's really great in small doses, yeah, but not so much when it keeps you from reality. Sometimes I'm scared that I'll get so caught up in wanting to live and wishing for things like life remotes that I'll forget what my purpose is and I'll just cease to exist. I'm _tired _of being _scared. _It's a circle. I'm always going to come back to being afraid and I'm always going to be tired and ooh I'm sick of it! Maybe it would be easier if I just ran away. But what would they think then? What would he think?

I want him to be proud of me, you know? I want him to be _proud _of me and to think that I'm strong and brave and that I can make it through this, no matter what some stupid doctor says. Why? I don't...know. I've given up on searching my head for answers that won't come tonight. Maybe he already thinks I'm brave and strong and beautiful and all of those other things that a young girl wants a man to think of her. I'll never know if I never ask, right?

I know that if I was with him right now then it would be a little easier to sort through all of this stuff.

Yeah, so um…why am I _not_ with him right now? A sane person would say 'because it's 3 in the goddamn morning you idiot!'

…But nobody ever said I was sane, did they? They just said I was diseased and wasn't going to live! So HA!

And with a sneaky little giggle that I hope nobody but me heard, I stood up and started to tiptoe my way to the stairs, s..l..o..w..l..y inching up them so I wouldn't make the floorboards creak, and padding down the hallway until I reached Vincent's closed door. I creaked it open softly, wincing a little when it squeaked. Man, gotta tell Tifa to get some DW-40 up here…

By now I'm in his room and I'm wringing my fingers on my oversized night shirt, suddenly nervous of what he'll think of me. Maybe I should have put some pants on before I came in here. Somehow I manage to convince myself to move forward, not inching this time but _centimeter…ing _and I honestly believe I can pull this off and I'm so smooth and maybe he won't wake up right away and I'll have some time to think about what I'm going to do! And maybe, just maybe, if I'm careful enough I'll have time to k-

Oh, shit. Yeah. I'm just about as smooth as a warthogs _ASS._ I hit my damn TOE and I'm hopping around, wincing and trying to be quiet. But I'm Yuffie. And Yuffie's weren't made to be quiet, but to be as loud as humanly possible and ruin every moment. So being a Yuffie I had to hit a lamp and send it crashing to the floor.

He shoots up in his bed and looks around frantically, trying to find the source of danger—ooh, _dangerrr_—and his eyes fall on _me_ and I'm shuddering under his piercing gaze.

_Hey, Vinnie, has anyone ever told you that your eyes kidna sorta glow in the dark?_

"Y…Yuffie?!?" He looks a little confused for a second, his eyes roaming over my exposed neck and legs.

"I…VinnieI'mscaredpleaseholdme!" Decipher fast, Valentine, I'm coming right at you.

In the space of about two seconds I've gone from standing nervously by the door to being curled up next to him on his bed, my head resting on his shoulder, my knees tucked underneath me, and my arms wrapped around his bare torso. He sleeps shirtless. _Soooo soft. _He puts his hand on my back and his fingers move up and down slightly as to comfort me. I'm shivering.

"What happened, Yuffie?"

"I got scared, Vincent…"

"…Why? W…what _time_ is it?"

"Uhm…because I don't want to die, a little after 3:30." Just hold me already! Tell me it'll be alright. That's all I want from you right now.

"What do you want?" He sounded a little irritated now, but his fingers didn't stop and I guess he was just a little tired…but then again it was 3 in the morning…so that would make a lot of sense.

"Vincent, please just hold me. That's all I want right now." He looks a little troubled, but he nods anyway.

He smells nice. Wintry.

I'm tired of being scared. But he helps.

**9:30 AM**

_Mmm…_

_Sunlight…it's really warm…not just sunlight…_

_Strong, solid, smooth…silk…hands…_

_What time is it? I'm not exhausted anymore…_

_Vincent…_

Oh. It's morning. I open one eye cautiously, closing it with a snap at the bright light filtering into the room. After a couple more minutes I open it back up again, sighing softly and stretching out.

"_MMnghhfff…" _Oh god what was that! I look down and sometime during the night I ended up on top of Vinnie with one of his arms around my back in a tight grip and the other resting on my thigh, his fingers unconsciously caressing the skin there. It feels so nice. _Mmmm…incoherency in the morning…_ I look at him softly, traveling over his face down to his smooth chest, covered in mine, and then I think of his fingers that are smoothing over my leg. Yeah. I definitely…like him. Does he like me? I want him too. It's strange how all of this has happened in the span of about 12 hours. I stretch again a little, pushing into him to gauge his reaction and his breath catches and the pressure of his hand increases. I'm guessing he _likes _it? Hehehehehe…I could actually have a lot of fun with this… I slide down to push my leg between his, teasing and slow, and drive my chest into the sensitive muscles of his stomach softly._ Oh._ Okay, yeah, he likes this.

I sigh softly and push myself off of him and onto the other side of his bed. The sheets are really warm.

Nice…warm…

_Her bone structure screams "Touch her! Touch her!" And she's got the curse of curves._

I curl up into a ball against the wall and I just wait for him to wake up.

After almost 15 minutes he does and I'm nice and relaxed. He's searching for something. Me..?

"Yuffie…?" He turns his head and sees me, so I turn onto my back and stare at the ceiling, the whole room gold and glowing and calm and relaxed because of the sunlight. He stares at my face. I wonder what he's thinking? I know I'm not ugly or anything, but I'm certainly no goddess like Lucreciawas. Is. I guess I'm just _scared _of what he'll think of me. Or maybe a little nervous. Probably both.

I want him.

"Thank you for holding me, Vincent." He nods slowly and he's still looking at me. Oh yes, I want him. I turn and look in his eyes, chaotic gray meeting cool garnet. I smile a little, turning on my side and resting my hand in front of my face. He's thinking again.

"Yuffie…what are you doing when we leave Tifa's?" Oh gawd, I can practically _feel_ the smile falling off of my face. I should have known this was coming. Maybe not specifically from him, but someone was going to ask me sooner or later. My mind goes back to twenty questions that I played with myself the night before. I was going to go back to New York. I wanted them with me. Would they go? Of course they would, stupid; they're your best friends. Come with me, Vinnie! Take me away to New York and tell me I'll be okay and tell me that I'll live forever, never ever die, never know of heaven or of sinning and _never let me go. _Could you, would you? I know I'm going back there. To die? To live? To hope? Hoping hurts. I'm _tired _of hurting. Maybe something good would come out of this. Maybe, if I hoped enough. If I _hurt _enough.

"I…I'm going back to New York. I don't really have anywhere else to be, and I really do…love it there."

"You're going by yourself?" Clever, clever, lovely, Vincent Valentine…

"…I don't want to go by myself…" Cut the small talk.

"I want you guys to come _with_ me! Oh gawd, I don't want to go back alone. That would totally and outrageously suck!" My eyebrows are drawn together at the top of my forehead and Vincent is laughing a little to himself.

"Don't worry, Yuffie. We won't abandon you. I won't leave you alone."

_I want someone provocative and talkative. But it's so hard when you're shallow as a shower. And from what I've heard with skin you'll win…_

**10:30 AM**

Tifa makes yummy food. Did I mention that before? She made us all pancakes for breakfast. Buttermilk with syrup _all over it._ I think I'm starting to drool…

"Yuffie, are you drooling?"

…Ha_ha_, Reno.

Giggle. "I think she is."

"Thanks for that, Teefs!" She's laughing. So I like food! Kill me!

…_that totally came out wrong…_

So anyways. Cough. I'm next to Vinnie right now eating away at my pancakes, and he's staring at an apple. Will he eat it, I do not know! His eyes are scarlet today. Garnet for calm, scarlet for impassive. What about his other emotions? I so wish my eyes changed colors. I could have blue eyes when I'm sad, gold when I'm happy, red eyes like Vinnie's when I see something I love only not really like his cause his eyes change shades too much. I should ask him to explain that to me one day. And the death thing too. This just reminds me of last night. I should stop thinking so much. But…well, maybe I don't have to go back to New York right away. Maybe we could stay here longer, and then later I could ask them to go with me…that would give me more time to _think_ about how I was going to ask.

"Hey, Tifa, how long do you want us to stay here anyway?"

Hey, Tifa, I'm bored. Send me home. That's the second time that I've said something totally wrong today. I'm off. It must be the effect of Vincent.

"Uh…I dunno, you guys can stay for as long as you want, okay? Just leave when you have to."

So caring, so giving.

This is going to be a strange visit. I glance at Vincent.

…

…

…

JUST EAT THE GODDAMN APPLE! Ugh! Excuse me while I go stab my brain with a Q-tip. He looks up and I smile brightly, suddenly happy.

_I want someone provocative and talkative…_

"I'd stay here forever, Teefs." She smiles almost as brightly and happily as I just did. I sneak another look at Vincent and he's smiling faintly and staring at me.

…I think I'm glowing with joy.


	6. She Wants Revenge

**A/N: **Wow. Eh he...sorry this took so long to get out, I kind of had a block? Yeah. Happy New Year's.Even though "happy new year" is the worlds biggest oxymoron :)

**Disclaimers:** Make-up sex is a song by Clear Static. Credit there. Tap That is a song by Megan McCauley. Credit there, too.

_

* * *

_

_Hold her hold her hold her never let her go never let her go never let her leave your arms you need her more than you could ever know._

I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room surrounded by people. I think…I know all of them, or I did know them…

The walls are burning…

_She's so beautiful hold her forever never let it go promise her promise yourself kiss her hello and never walk away._

They have no eyes. Just gaping holes with a blue light at the back. I know they want to see. They want the light more than anything in the whole world. They want to see and live and breathe and they want to have eyes. Who would do that? Who would take that away from somebody?

_You would and she can heal you don't let her get away._

She's here. L…

I will not say her name. It can't be her. She does not heal she **_hurts_**.

She brushes her long brown hair over her shoulder and smiles at me, bright eyes appearing in the cracked holes of her face. She smiles at me with her perfect teeth and her perfect face and I want her but I shouldn't because she didn't want me in the first place. Why would she ever? She tilts her head and reaches her hand out to touch my chest but something stops her. Her face freezes and all the people turn to look at the same spot. There's light and it's bright and consumes everything and washes away all the darkness and gives the people eyes. They smile and they are happy. L…she shatters into fragments and they pierce my chest like bullets but it doesn't hurt. The light comes to me and puts its glowing hands over the glass and they disappear. It turns into a girl…it embraces me…

* * *

I wake up panting and in a cold sweat. Not good. What the hell was that? This is why I hate dreams. Dreaming. The whole concept. What's the good in waiting for something that will never come? It's just stupid to me. Dreaming is for people who hope. People who have things to live for. Dreaming is for hoping. Hoping is for living. Living is for dreamers. I fit in nowhere. I am outcast. I never hope. I want to so badly. I want happiness and dreams more than anything in the world.

Anything.

Groaning slightly I turn over and hear a soft, breathy moan come from underneath me. Yuffie. She is in my bed. In a t-shirt. And I almost crushed her.

I quickly sit up and watch as she breathes heavily through her mouth to try to re-inflate her lungs. Then she turns over and curls against my arm. Her shirt slides up and reveals silky, tanned skin.

Oh.

She must have had a nightmare too. Or maybe she just wanted comfort again. It would be just like her to sneak in here at two in the morning. She is so beautiful in this lighting. The moonlight. It makes her glow, like a candle is right next to her face but the flame is a gentle blue and it spreads everywhere and touches her very soul. It feeds off of her energy. She's different from the rest of the girls I have met. She's not fake and she can cut through lies and tell it like it is. She likes to dance, sing, and act crazy with her friends. She will overanalyze everything a person can possibly say. She can argue and she loves it, although she hates drama and can live without it and the people that cause it. But she doesn't understand… I lower myself gently back down next to her and put my hands under my head. She immediately glues herself to my side and sticks her leg between mine.

_Tease_.

I take a hand from underneath my head and put it on her bare waist, loving how soft it is.

And for a minute I hope.

She stirs lightly and one of her eyes opens a slit to look around.

"Wha…mmm…" I rub my thumb over her hipbone and she smiles dreamily as her eye closes again and rests her head on my chest.

"MmmMmMMm…MNMNMmmM…" She turns on her back and arches it, stretching while I still rub my fingers in small circles on her stomach and hips and thighs. She breathes in and out sporadically and heavily when I run my fingers up and down her stomach. …I don't think she's wearing a bra. I trace my fingers along her jaw line and over her small, pink lips. Now she's really waking up. She peeks open an eye and stares into mine.

"Yuf…fie?"

She continues to stare as she smiles in the corner of her mouth a little and fingers a strand of her hair. I'm back to caressing her softly on her hip and she isn't telling me to stop.

"Wha' time issit Vinnie?" I glance at the clock. 5:30 AM.

"It's 5:30. What are you doing in here?"

Her smile falters for a second but she still stares.

"I was having a nightmare." I thought so. "It sounded like you were too, for a second there."

With one look at my stricken eyes she widens her eyes and sits up.

"Vinnie, it's okay. Haven't we been _over _this before? It's okay for you to show emotion. _Really_. You don't have to be an emotionless, void less, doll. Now please tell me what the hell was going on inside that little head of yours. You were making some weird faces and at one point you were saying something about blue light…I don't know, it was bizarre."

Well. This could be a problem. Maybe. Just maybe. How in the world do I explain this to her?

"Well…I was having a…it started as a nightmare, but then I was more interested in it than scared of it so it ended up more like a…reverie." No dreams for Vincent. "There were these people. I thought I knew them. Know them. It does not matter. They were there and they were…strange. There were blue lights in the back of their eyes, in the sockets, and they were sad looking, so sad…I thought they were crying, but no… Then there was one of the people…things, and s-_it _got its eyes back and it smiled but shattered and the fragments hit my chest but it did not hurt. There was another one of the people, but they were good…the shattered one was bad, she was the opposite of everything you want in a person…but the good one, it was glowing and happy and it saved me. And then I woke up before I could see its face."

"That's awful, Vinnie!"

"How is it so awful?" I look at her glassy eyes.

"Because it…it is! It just is! You have a dream about people who lost their _eyes_ and one gets them back but it doesn't even live anyway. Thank god that glowing thing saved you."

I don't think I am going to tell her I suspect that she was the glowing figure.

"Yuffie that is how people are. They are hurt and hurt again and they die. It is the destiny of every living thing to die."

Her eyes narrow into glittering slits as she glares at a wall. She mumbles something about 'what would you know about destiny and dying?' and I cannot hear it. I wonder about her sometimes. Good things mostly.

"Do you think that some people should not die?" She looks up with a questioning glance. Gone is the angry child from 10 seconds ago.

"I think that some people deserve it more than others. I think death should always have a purpose, not just steal people away. Death always waits. The door of the hearse is never closed."

"Joseph Bayly."

"Exactly!"

Well. How about that. Yuffie knows quotes about death. I am not sure if I should be frightened, intrigued, or a mix of both.

"It is true. Death never stops."

"Sometimes I wish it did…" She whispers mournfully. I take a hand and put it against her cheek. My cold fingers barely touch the skin but it is almost like electricity and I can feel millions of ghosts of things I should have done but was too cowardly to follow through with flying in circles around my head, telling me what to do. This girl will change the world. She will change heaven. She will have an immortal soul. Yuffie Kisaragi is truly holy and shining in a world of people that do not appreciate it.

I drop my hand to my side and my face gets hard. Best not to get to emotional over such trivial matters. Because death is so damn trivial.

"Tear up all you want, it will not change anything. This is not tragedy you can change into a happy ending. It is what it is and it will never revolutionize." I stand up to leave, maybe go outside for a while, and she lunges after me missing by an inch and falling back to her hands on the bed. I stop and keep my back to her while she breathes quietly.

"Why won't you ever let anybody _in?"_ I look up to the ceiling and don't answer her.

"I have my reasons, Yuffie. You would not understand."

"You don't know that. Stubborn ass." …What?

"Pardon?"

"You heard me." She gets up off of the bed quietly and walks towards me until she's right behind me and her hot, sweet breath is washing over my shoulders and back like a tidal wave. "Stop pretending you don't care. You're too stubborn to let anybody in because you think that nobody understands. I think that if you give somebody a chance then they'll understand more than you know. I think you're afraid of letting people in because you've been alone for so long that you don't know how to react to it. But you really haven't been alone, Vinnie. We're all here. We all have been. Now stop being so stupid and talk to us. To me."

I refuse to turn around.

"Vinnie…"

I _refuse._

"I'm going to count to three…"

Will not…

"And then I'm going to jump on you."

Turn around…

"One…"

Oh…

"Two…"

She's serious.

"Three!" She flings herself onto my back and wraps her slender arms around my neck and tries not to choke me. She's giggling and I grab her legs to keep her upright and she laughs some more and I think were falling. But not really. We stumble backwards and she hits a wall and my head is right underneath her breast and I look up. She's smiling down at me.

"And if you _didn't _care, then you wouldn't have caught me and I'd be on my ass on the floor and pretty damn pissed off. So obviously, you care. At least a little." She smiles charmingly and yanks a little on my hair and I almost want to smile too but I don't.

"It's a good start." This is too much to deal with right now.

"You should get back to your room before everybody else wakes up. If they find us in the same room then they might wonder if we…" Her eyes widen and she nods feverishly, a bright pink hue spreading over the apples of her cheeks. I really, really wonder about her sometimes.

"R-right…I'll just be…going now. Byevinnie!" She gives me a quick hug around the middle and scrambles out of the room and back down to her own. Inside I am smiling. Outside can wait.

* * *

"What carnival?"

"It's the annual carnival they have at the end of august each year. No big deal, but it's actually kind of cool. I thought we could go!" Tifa looks at Reno over a bowl filled with pancake mix and a wooden spoon. There's nothing quite like the smell of Tifa's cooking in the morning.

"What do they have there?" Cloud questions. "Well, where _is _there?" he adds on second thought.

"It's somewhere downtown by this big farm. They have a bunch of rides and booths and games and it's just really fun. It's a carnival, Cloud; please tell me you've been to one before?"

"Uhh…"

"Ya poor deprived kid. Wha' kinda childhood didja have that you didn' get ta go to a carnival?!" Barret bellows.

"…I dunno…" Aeris shoots a small glare at Barret and then looks at Cloud scratching his gravity-defying hair and laughs—or rather, snorts. I didn't know Aeris could snort.

"DID YOU JUST SNORT!!?" Yuffie yells, choking on her pancake. She burst out laughing and kicks her feet up and down under the table. It's contagious. Everybody else is laughing and even Aeris is laughing at herself a little, blushing furiously and hiding her face in Cloud's shoulder. Yuffie is laughing so hard that she loses her balance and the chair falls backwards and she hits the floor with a loud 'smack!' A piece of the chair flies off and nails Reno in the foot. This, of course, just makes everybody laugh harder. Except for Reno who is holding his toe and yelling something at Yuffie that vaguely sounds like it has to do with Tifa's kitchen knives. Yuffie puts her hands above her head and her legs are being slung everywhere as she laughs and laughs. I think she's having trouble stopping.

"Y-hahahah…you…sno-hahaha!…snorted…hahahah…and….hahahahahahahh!"

I think she might be dying from laughter.

"Yuffie, breathe." I remind her gently.

She looks at me and her face is red and tears are everywhere and she's still on the floor laughing and kicking and smiling. She nods and smiles and laughs some more but gets off the floor, picking up the chair.

"Sorry about your…chair…Teef…" she cracks up again and nearly falls over again as she picks up the broken piece of chair, but she grabs onto my shoulder before she can plummet downwards. She looks at me and laughs again. I smile in the corner of my mouth and she's the only one that sees. Thankfully she doesn't scream to the world that I just smiled (even though barely). I put my large hand on her hip and look in her eyes questioningly.

"Yeah I'm…ahaha…f-hahahahha!-fine…I swear…I-'ll…haha…be okay…" She smiles on last time and sits down in her righted chair, holding her face straight.

Oh the wonders of Yuffie.

"But, uh…I just realized that my explorer is overdue for an inspection, so we have to take…uh…Reno's car…if we want to go…" Tifa looked at Reno as he gaped openly at her. He has the funniest facial expressions.

"Are you kidding? That thing can barely seat four people, not counting the driver, let alone eight people!" Tifa laughed nervously and toyed with the hem of her shirt.

"Eh..hehe?" Reno was about to open his mouth to bitch more about the lack of space he was going to get but then closed it and narrowed his eyes, smirking evilly.

"Guess we'll just have to…_share _seats, won't we, then?" If he's implying…

"You mean sit on each other. Right?"

"Yes I do, baby!" Wonderful. Just wonderful. Let's see…we can have Cid drive, Barret in the front…Cloud in the rear with Aeris on his lap, Reno with Tifa, and me…with….Yuffie… Suddenly I don't like where this is going. Somebody up there just doesn't like me. At all. Isn't this illegal? But then again the law has never stopped Reno…and Cid's a fast driver, so the car ride won't last very long anyway…I guess that depends on how long it would take to get to the site. Maybe if we break the speed limit laws…hopefully there won't be any police around. Okay. So if I can just get through this ride then everything will be fine. Until we have to ride back. But I'll have recovered by then. Okay. Good.

"How long will it take to get there?" I ask patiently.

"Oh…no longer than like…hmm…an hour and a half, tops."

…

Shoot me.

"Vincent, why would I want to shoot you?"

"…"

"Ooookay, never mind then. We should all just go get changed and leave, alright? We'll be ready to go in a half hour."

The females of the house leave and go up the staircase, giggling and gossiping as they go. Women are the strangest creatures. I think it'd be interesting to be a woman for a day. To maybe switch places with a woman, or switch brains, just to see how they work. Well not brains, but brain functions or thoughts or something so that I'm still consciously me but thinking like a woman.

Reno is looking at me strangely. I have to stop saying things out loud when I'm thinking them. I wonder if anybody knows about my feelings for Yuffie…

Reno's mouth is hanging open.

My god, I despise myself.

* * *

We're all congregated by the car, waiting for Tifa and Reno to find the keys again and come outside. She has a bad habit of losing things constantly, it seems. We decided to let Barret drive just in case Cid got us caught by the cops by his insane driving, so now it's Cid in the front seat. Other than that, nothing else has changed…and I'm still going to be intimately close to Yuffie the whole car ride. Only longer. Because Barret drives slower than old people.

"FOUND THEM!" Tifa and Reno's voices come echoing out the door and into the driveway. She dashes outside with keys dangling out of her hand and pulling on a winter jacket. She tosses them over her shoulder at Reno who smirks and catches them with one hand.

"I'm not driving, babe. Forget already?" He smiles widely and throws the keys to Barret who unlocks the car and slides into the front driver's seat. Cid takes the front passenger seat and then one of the back doors are opened. Cloud slides all the way in and beckons for Aeris to come after him. She daintily steps into the car, probably flashing Cloud because of her miniskirt, and makes her way over to him and gently sits down on his lap. He folds his hands over her waist and leans his head on the back of the seat. Next in is Reno, who takes the smallest middle seat and falls down into it heavily making the whole care shake. He laughs and Tifa gets in the car, moving over until she is right on top of Reno but not sitting down. He is leaning his head back onto the seats with his hands behind it and smirking lightly. Tifa glares at him and flicks him in the unmentionables before sitting on his legs as hard as she can. Reno yelps and puts a hand down to where she flicked him to comfort himself, but he just ends up groping Tifa's backside. She glares and flicks him in the nose this time and Reno curses and puts a hand to his face, glaring back at her. She sniggers and settles back into his wide torso as he removes a hand to wrap around her waist. I'm next. I move very slowly in hopes that maybe time will freeze and I won't have to be in this awkward position, but time stops for nobody. Eventually I am sitting down in the seat and it's Yuffie who is moving slower than a snail. She puts on foot into the car and stops for a second. Reno scoffs and makes a cutting remark and yanks on her foot, causing her to fly into the car and right on top of me. She is laying down with her head on Tifa and the rest of her on me, except for her feet which are on the floor. She glares at Reno and flicks him in the nose, which Tifa laughs at. Reno tries to hit her back but she retracts her body and curls up in my lap, taking my arms and putting them around her body in order to protect herself. She laughs and I hold her closer while Barret starts the car and starts to drive.

"If y'all would just stop #&# flicking me then I wouldn't (&$(& attack you!" Tifa takes a hand and rubs Reno's arm soothingly and he calms down. Yuffie is still giggling a little. She smiles and looks up at me.

"Ooh…sorry Vinnie."

"For what?"

"I fell on you, I used you for protection, I almost got you hit because I flicked Reno…" I shake my head.

"It is fine."

"Whatever you say. Hey Reno, you have any good CDs?" Yuffie and her CDs. She can't go one car ride without listening to good music.

"Hell yes I do. Cid, open the glove compartment and take out the little black thing…no, not that, that's a driving manual…well, you could use that…don't $(&(& throw it at me, you dumb ($&! Yes, _that's _the CD case. Thanks." He takes it from Cid and hands it to Yuffie, who unzips it and starts flipping.

"Linkin Park, Alice in Chains, you have Nightwish too, huh? A Perfect Circle…Megan McCauley? Reno has a soft side?!" Yuffie laughs and tells Cid to play Megan McCauley.

"It just so happens that I appreciate Megan McCauley very much."

"Yeah, I bet you do…" Tifa mumbles. Reno looks at her with a blank face and lightly caresses her thigh.

"Not as much as you, babe." She blushes and Reno smirks at her.

"Oh, shut the #&$(#&$ up with the sentimental crap an' listen to the #&# music already."

Everybody laughs and Barret turns up the volume.

"_Oh snap, look at that, there you go, where you at, slow it down baby (baby), we should go crazy (Crazy), touch you, tease you (uh huh), anything you wanna do (uh huh), I'll give it to you just how you like it boy (What!) Don't play dumb you know you wanted to fill my cup, that's what we came to do. I'm no monster, keep that in your head, don't forget you know I'm gonna get you."_

Everybody looks at Reno strangely, but with curiosity.

"…Tap that…"

Yuffie claps and jumps a little.

"I know this song!" We laugh at her and continue to listen to the song.

"…_I'ma teach you how to scream my name, you're never gonna get away from me, Yeah, I kinda like that, I wanna tap that, you can bet I'm gonna get you."_

"Ooh, sexual!" Yuffie says, waggling her eyebrows. She squirms on top of me, hitting a very sensitive body part.

Oh, god, just _shoot. Me. **Now**._

"Vincent, for the last time, we're not going to effing shoot you!"

"…"

Goddamnit.

* * *

Finally.

We're here.

At the god forsaken carnival that was the indirect cause of my having to sit with a very bouncy Yuffie on my lap for two and a half hours.

Two. And. A. Half. Hours.

I can't handle life.

At least I didn't say any of that out loud.

We're standing in line for tickets to the rides and games in the park. It's relatively short, but I still hate waiting in lines, especially in the cold air under a hot sun next to a hyperactive gir-_woman-_who just might be the only person who can relate to me and just happens to be extremely sexually appealing. Did I mention that I hate standing in lines?

"Vinnieeeee!" Yuffie calls from the front of the line. Everybody else has already payed and I've just been standing there and staring in the distance. Possibly at her. Undressing her with my eyes. Oh god…

"GET OVER HERE!" She calls louder. I grunt to myself and walk up to the counter and pay for tickets. Everybody breaks off into pairs and I'm stuck with her. Cloud and Aeris took off to some cheesy love ride, Reno and Tifa to a wooden roller coaster that looks like it could fall apart at any moment, and Barret and Cid went to play arcade games. The roller coaster—

"LET'S GO ON THE ROLLER COASTER WITH TIFA AND RENO, VINNIE!"

—looks insanely high and/or dangerous…

Somebody's hyped up on sugar. Then again, knowing her- it's natural. We catch up with Tifa and Reno and Yuffie tells them how she wants to go on with them. Reno smirks and Tifa makes a guilty face.

"I will ride with you, Yuffie." I volunteer quietly.

"Yeah! Go ahead with Vincent; I'm sure he'll be loads of fun, kay? Love ya babe!" She blows a kiss at Yuffie who pouts fakely after her retreating form. She looks at me carefully pouting, then it breaks into a smile and she pulls me behind her to the empty car at the very back of the coaster. She's trying to kill me, I just know it. We slide into the seats and pull the protective seatbelts over our heads and click them into place. She smiles and looks at my blank face, but stricken eyes, and cracks into laughter.

"Oh don't worry, It'll be perfectly—FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The last word is whipped out of her mouth as we speed over the first drop and through a series of flips and turns.

When we finally slow down and are back where we started, Yuffie is fixing her hair and getting herself together and starting to step out of the car. I'm just sitting there with all of my hair—all of it—in my face, over my head, and I'm kind of paralyzed. She looks back over her shoulder when I don't follow her and she laughs at me. Coming back to me she fixes my hair and pulls me out of the cart. I don't think she noticed I was staring at her the whole time. She then beckons for me to follow and I start but I freeze in mid-track.

Right in my path there is a startlingly beautiful woman, dressed in low rise jeans and a small camisole with her _thong _hanging out. She's bending over to pick something up that she dropped and her backside _is right in front of me._ She stands up and her long, chestnut hair falls over her shoulder in silky curls and glints gold in the sun. The flaxen waves are so long, even in the ponytail, that they reach down to the very bottom of her back and slightly cover her thong, teasing every man who looks at her. She turns to the side as somebody calls her name and her bright eyes are shining in the sun. Her thin, light eyebrows are drawn carefully above her eyes and arch gracefully. She is the very embodiment of fake female perfection. 'Make-up Sex' starts playing in the back of my mind as I realize who this is. There's only one person…

"Lucrecia?"

The most disgusting and hideous man is standing next to her now, looking me up and down with an angry and somewhat dirty look as if he knows who I am and what I was thinking about Lucrecia. She turns her head slightly and has to arch her neck up to even look at my face. Her eyes cloud in confusion for a second then they slowly click into focus and she looks down achingly, sort of curling up inside of herself.

"Can I…help you?" The man asks blandly.

"I…" I mumble smartly. What a great first impression, this is only the guy who stole your girlfriend away.

"Hojo…this…is Vincent. Vincent, this is…my boyfriend…Hojo…" His eyes glaze over with uncertainty and recognition and he subconsciously stands up a little straighter.

"Your name is Hojo?"

"It's my last name, thanks. So how have you been, _Vincent?_" My name falls off of his tongue like venom. Lucrecia looks up at us both behind a mask and smiles, but it isn't real. Nothing she ever does is real. She never means anything she says. Never did. Never will.

"No need to get angry, now, Hojo dear. Would you do me a favor, and go get my bag from the man at the ride? Thank you." He walks away smugly, for whatever reason escapes me. I have no idea why he would be smug when _his _girlfriend just asked him to leave so she could talk to me. I'm guessing to talk. As soon as he is out of earshot she takes a step closer and puts a hand on my chest.

"You know…you've gotten a lot…_taller_, Vincent." She subtly raises her eyebrow and looks up and down my torso. I raise both my eyebrows and turn my head the other way.

"What do you want, Lucrecia?"

"Oh, I think it's obvious what I want by this point, Valentine…"

Of all the places to run into an old flame. Of all the days. After I just had to endure an extremely shocking roller coaster ride and an excruciatingly long car ride. It just had to be now, when I was with Yuf…fie……

I turn my head and find her with my eyes, and I see her staring at Lucrecia desperately and so depressingly it almost hurts me. I call her name, but she is refusing to listen to me right now. She just stares at Lucrecia openly and her eyes harden into shells of the beauty they used to hold. She crosses her arms and looks down, leaning back onto a wall. She looks like she's crying. She confirms my suspicions as one tear falls out of her eye and she shakes her head angrily, walking away swiftly.

"Yuffie…" I move to break free of Lucrecia's grip but she pulls me back and hands me a piece of paper.

"Call me." She winks and blows a kiss, walking away after where Hojo left and swaying her hips suggestively.

I stand perfectly still for at least a minute, thinking about what a bad person I am. Because really. I am.

I run after Yuffie and find her standing outside of a tent, gasping and clutching at her chest.

"Yuffie..?!" She looks at me with tears and mascara everywhere and bloody lips.

"G…go awa…y…Vin…cent!" She gasps more and clutches her stomach as she chokes and chokes and stops breathing for a second. Then she coughs and spits out a mouthful of blood into the grass. She falls into me and I swing her up into my arms, managing to call somebody over and get them to call 911.

She's unconscious now.

She's barely breathing.

I am so afraid.

* * *

All done. Try and review or maybe I won't update?

Heh. Kidding. But still review.


	7. Null and Void

Warning for language and themes. Yuffie is kind of pissed in this chapter. Not to mention depressed and alone and…well just read. She'll get better eventually :D

It isn't really diary at first because she's kind of like…unconscious I guess you could say, and at a hospital, so she can't really _write…_she will later in the chapter though. And I'm sure you're all wondering why Yuffie is giving off so much negativity in this chapter. You'll find out eventually :)

* * *

You know how it is, when you want something more than anything, but you can never have it because you mess it up too badly? That's exactly how I feel right now.

Except _I'm _not the one who messed up. I hope I didn't mess up. I don't remember doing anything to make Vincent not like me, or upset with me. But apparently he is. He was talking with…_her._ Lucrecia. And this man came up to me. He said his name was Hojo. He told me things. And I wish I never listened to him. But how could I not? Everything he had said just screamed truth, just screamed at me to listen and to accept that Vincent would never want me. _Will _never want me. He wants her. Lucrecia. It's always about her. And everything was going so well, too… I think it was…

Maybe it's supposed to be this way. Maybe their supposed to be together and I'm just supposed to be by myself, for the rest of my short and pitiful life. I didn't think I would feel this empty though. I am an empty head. There's dust gathering in the corners of my chest. I had a heart once, you know. He effing ripped it out. And he was too goddamn weak to do it himself. He had _Hojo _do it. I had to hear it from some stupid man who I'd never met that Vincent hated me. This is the worst time of my life.

I'm dying.

And not because of some goddamn **Hemosiderosis**.

It's because of him. Because he doesn't want me. If I was actually awake now and my eyes were open I'd probably be crying. I hope I'm alone. The last thing I remember is choking and not being able to breathe then coughing up a lot a lot of blood before passing out. Whatever. I hope I _die_. He practically made me null and void all by himself anyway.

Oh, why do I keep forgetting?

HE USED MOTHER FUCKING HOJO TO DO IT.

Hmm.

Somebody's talking to me…

"…_c…ba…"_

What the hell?

"…_I…iss…ou…fie?"_

Ugh! I want to hear what this person is saying! Just…concentrate…a little more…

"_We all miss you, Yuffie. Come back."_

Hmm. Sounds like Tifa. Do I care? …I guess Tifa didn't do anything. I'll listen to what she has to say.

"_What happened Yuffie? I hope you're not in any pain. The doctor said that what happened was just one of the symptoms of the disease you have...Hemo-something or other… Anyways, He said that it would continue all the way until the end. The coughing and blood I mean. At least you'll get better. This whole thing is only going to last for so long. And then we get to go to New York and you can show us your incredible penthouse!"_

My poor, moronic friends. Excluding the goddamn traitor from 'friends'. I'm going to call him that from now on. Traitor.

They still don't know it's fatal, do they? You think they'd be smart enough to figure out that I'm _not getting any fucking better._ But noooo.

"_And…and the doctor said that…maybe, you'd come out of this…if we…" _She sobs a little. I don't get it. Come out of what? She sobs loudly and it sounds like somebody is leading her away. Jesus Christ…come out of what? Maybe this is worse than I originally thought…what if I'm in a coma or something?!

"_Yuffie, honey, we miss you. Please, come back soon. Come home. We all love you very much."_ Aeris. Are they all in the goddamn room? Because if they are, I hope that they don't all sit here and give me their sob stories on how much they miss me. Their lying anyways. I know none of them mean it.

"_Aeris is right. We love you so much. Please wake up soon." _Cloud mumbles quietly. He holds a sobbing person. It doesn't sound like Tifa.

"_Sorry I was a jackass to you so much…"_ Reno. Stupid bitch… Someone slaps him. I think it was Tifa. Probably. Most likely.

"_We miss ya, brat."_

" _Com' back soon, y'hear?"_ I may be in a coma, but Barret and Cid Still find an excuse to call me a freaking brat. Great. That's really gonna make me want to wake up.

There's only one left to speak. If he talks, I swear to god on my cold and comatose brain that I will do something, anything, to make sure that he knows I can hear him and that I am _pissed._

"_Yuffie…" _No, Vincent.

"_I am sorry for what happened…she was just…there, in the way…"_ NO, Vincent.

"_We need you here." _STOP LYING TO ME! Somebody is leaning close into my ear to whisper something, and it _better_ not be him.

"_I need you here." _SHATTERING AND EXPLODING HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT HE LIED TO ME HE LIED RIGHT TO MY PALE, WASHED-OUT FACE HOW COULD HE HOW CAN HE JUST…STAND THERE…AND…

There's an obnoxious beeping sound in the background of the room and every second that I'm screaming in my mind it's going faster and faster. GOOD. I HOPE IT'S ME GETTING A HEART ATTACK.

"_V…Vincent…! Look at her heart rate! It's completely spiked!"_ Aeris shrieks.

"_Oh my god! Get a doctor! R-Reno! Get…GET A DOCTOR! NOW!"_ Oh Tifa. Let the goddamn machine beep. Let me die. Just leave me here…you all want to anyway…

_BEEP…_

_BEEP…_

_BEEP…_

_BEEP BEEP…_

_BEEP BEEP…_

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP--_

That doesn't sound good. I let out a sick laugh in my mind.

"_Did she just…laugh?" _Someone whispers.

Yeah. I HOPE YOU HEARD MY SICK EFFING LAUGHTER, YOU STUPID PEOPLE! STUPID, LYING, PEOPLE!

And then they all leave. All the familiar voices are gone and I'm left with a smooth tenor and a too high soprano who sounds like she's gasping for air every time she opens her mouth. They're checking my pulse and have their hands all over me trying to make sure I'm not dying. Go to hell, doctors. Let me die.

* * *

It's shiny here. Everything is white and blue and silver linings. There's 9 pretty women, girls, all lined up in a perfect little row, motioning me to come forward and reach out for them. There's a man off to the side. He looks annoyed and a little too cautious…

'_You're not ready yet.' _He mouths to me. Not ready for what? I continue on, bouncing through fluffy pastel clouds with outstretched arms and feathery clumps of bone on my back, fingers flexing in their newfound freedom of being comatose and brain-dead. Paralyzed. I reach out my arm, trying to touch the brightest woman on her cheek. She's smiling so serenely…so truthfully…like there's never going to be another betrayal as long as I exist…

I'm lifted up…I'm so _close _to her now…but…

There's darkness. The man shakes his head and turns away as the girls' smiles fade and they start to cry. The darkness consumes everything and I'm left alone, the wings being ripped from my back like I never deserved to be here in the first place. Wherever here is…

I think…I think that this is…

* * *

No..._no…_

I try to crack open one eye, cautiously, just to be sure that I'm in my safe place. Back in the light instead of the real world.

…But my eye opens. Oh my god. No. No, no, no, everything was so good! I was going to leave this horrible place and be happy! Why did I come back? I don't want to _be_ here. Oh my god, I'm breaking inside…null…and void…

"Oh…god…" I breathe out shakily, placing a hand on the metal railings of the creaky hospital bed. My whole body starts to shake as tears overcome my eyes and all I can see is blurry lights. It doesn't help. It just looks like the place I was torn out of.

"…Yuffie?!" Somebody shoots up out of a chair in the corner of the room and they stalk over to me carefully, touching my arm with their soft fingertips.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! I CAN'T _BE _HERE! THEY _NEED_ ME! I WANT TO GO HOME! **I WANT TO GO BACK**!"

"Oh, Yuffie, we _do_ need you…calm down so they can make you better, then you can come home, alright? Shh, shh, you'll be okay…" This person is crying too, but not nearly as hard as I am.

I moan out no after no. This stupid someone doesn't get it. The tears are spilling everywhere and I'm starting to shake again. A doctor makes their way into the room and shoos whoever the person that was in here out so they can run diagnostics in peace. A hurtful lump forms in the back of my throat and I have to let it out.

I scream. The bed is shaking uncontrollably and I am whipping my head back and forth and my hair is caught on my mouth and blood is somehow on my sheets, the stark white sheets…a needle is pressed into my arm and everything fades to black. I hate black…

* * *

This time when I wake up, I'm surrounded by everybody who calls themselves my friends. Except for the traitor. I hope he got the hint. My head is killing me and all I want to do is cry again. I want to rip my hair out and grow fucking wings and go back to where I was. That happy place that took away all the pain…

I open my eyes slowly, glaring at the bright lights on the ceiling, small tears forming in my eyes from the brightness of it all. That's what I tell myself they're from, anyways.

"You guys…she's awake!" Cloud says quietly. No…not awake…_no…_

"Hey Yuffie. How are you feeling?" he asks with a small smile. I turn my head to the side slightly and stare at the ceiling with my bloodshot and swollen eyes. His face falls a little to see what a terrible mess I am--pale skin, pokey cheek bones, and practically lifeless. I open my mouth a little. He looks at it quickly before looking back at my eyes, raising his eyebrows hopefully. I'm not going to speak to him. I'm just breathing. It's easier through my mouth, anyways. I just stare and stare and count the tiles. He looks infinitely sad as he leans back into his chair and glances at Aeris, motioning for her to follow. She stands up and leans over my body, resting her hands on the cold metal bars of the bed. I avert my eyes from the ceiling and look just past her, right about at her ear. She holds her stare for a minute before putting a hand to her mouth and turning away, mumbling a quick 'oh god' as a tear falls onto the floor. She turns her back on us and goes into the corner. Cloud gets up to comfort her. Maybe she gets it. I think she understands that I have nothing left. I have no reason to live, to breathe, to even try. First they take away the stupid traitor, and then they take away my wings. I have nothing left to give. Nothing left to have stolen from me. Barret and Cid sit in their chairs and switch their sad gazes between Aeris and me. Tifa grabs Reno's hand and looks at me as small tears form in the corner of her eyes and they drip into her lap. She sobs once and looks behind her.

"Vincent…" she says quietly, maybe to get him to come over. So he _is _here. He stands up slowly. He's stalling. It takes him a full two minutes to get over to the bed alone. I counted. He stops and looks at me with no emotion in his eyes, on his face. Anywhere. Never shows emotion. Never will…

He reaches out a hand to put on my face but I croak out a small no that sounds more like 'uhn' and I turn my face away. Tears form in my eyes and they fall steadily onto the bed. I still won't look at anybody. I'm not going to. And he of all people doesn't deserve it.

"Yuffie…" His voice cracks with uncertainty. I have two options. I can turn away and break him, or I can make eye contact and save him. What did he do to me? He broke me. What does he deserve? I don't care what he deserves. I want to feel better; anything to make this pain just _stop. _

"I…" he whispers, hand still trying to touch me. I turn on my side so I'm still facing him, but I'm staring down at the floor now. The tears still drip everywhere and I can see a small blood stain that the doctors overlooked on the sheet. I arch my neck and kiss it lightly, then go back into my previous position. I stay perfectly still, lying on my side like that, barely breathing.

"Oh god…oh my god…" Tifa chokes out. She turns her head and rests it in the crook of Reno's neck. He holds her as she sobs into him and they still don't get it. Vincent is slowly stepping away; holding his hands tightly in fists and his face is hard.

I broke him.

I broke Vincent Valentine.

…Only, not quite.

And I don't feel any better. I'm not going to.

He cringes slightly and his eyes flash at least 5 different shades of red. I close my eyes and cough softly. He sits down. Everybody is upset at something. Half of us are crying. Two of us are broken. And one of us wants retribution towards a slutty girl who doesn't deserve to live.

A doctor comes in the room.

"Miss…Yuffie Kisaragi?" She looks at me questioningly and I nod, not making eye contact. I'm not hungry, you stupid fuc—

"Treatment time!" Oh. Cut down on the cheer, hon. There's nothing to be happy about. She picks up a needle and waves it, giggling lightly. What the hell? Does she want to kill me? Alert my lawyer. I've got a sadistic doctor treating me.

"Is it okay that your friends are here in the room? This won't take long. Just a small one this time." So I'm finally starting treatment. I try to protest and say 'he's not my friend' but I can't talk. Shit. This could get bad, real fast. She comes over, tapping slowly and agonizingly. Trying to torture me. You don't deserve your damn medical degree. I imagine stabbing her eyes out with a pair of Tifa's stilettos and watching them bleed on Vincent's white bed sheets.

Heh...hehehehe…

"Hehe…" the doctor looks at me strangely. I stare at the floor still. Maybe I can convince her I'm crazy?

"Uhm, okay then! Give me your arm, Yuffie…" I don't move. Everything is dead quiet. I swear to god I can hear a cricket chirping.

"Oh dear…" she sighs and gets my arm off my side for herself and locks it painfully. She cleans off the spot where she's going to stab me with the needle of death.

She does it. And she fills the whole needle with blood…and then she fills another…and half of another.

"I'm just trying to lower your iron levels, don't worry." She smiles sweetly and puts a sesame street band-aid on top of the small cut.

"There you go; good as new!"

My ass. Go burn in hell, stupid doctor. Did I mention I hate needles? The deranged nurse starts humming and she leaves the room. She starts to skip once she leaves the room.

"That was… a lot of blood…" Reno says quietly. Tifa nods and clutches at his button down black shirt. When I get out of here I'm going to steal that shirt from him.

…you know what? I want _him_. Not his shirt. I want somebody to fill the aching gap that Vin…Hojo left with me. And the traitor. I will fill this hole with anything I can get my hands on. I swear to god. I don't need anything the traitor can give me. I…no, I don't want _Reno, _I want his sex. I'm sure he'd give it to me. But what about Tifa? I wonder if there's any clubs I can just go to around here and get this over with. Maybe with sex I'll feel something. I don't want to die a virgin. That would suck so badly.

They're talking again. Blah blah blah you'll get better, blah blah blah, this can only last for so long…why didn't I just tell them it was going to destroy me _before_? I should have just gotten it over with. If only I was actually speaking to them right now.

"Yuffie, what is going _on?"_ Cloud asks. Aeris shudders in his arms and then everybody is looking at me all questioning and prying and they don't get it because I haven't told them and this is not going to end well and I never could keep my mouth shut could I? Maybe if I just say it real quick and quiet and I mumble they won't hear me and then they'll ask and I'll just shake my head like oh too bad you didn't hear me you didn't listen to me you never listen to me, you stupid GODDAMN PEOPLE I hope that I die soon and that everything hurts and my death is so painful that I get to feel everything that's stuck behind this goddamn stupid fucking wall in my head! I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING!

I. WANT. TO. FEEL!

"Yuf-"

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING DIE, ALRIGHT?"

So.

That's what this all has been leading up to. Those six words. Was all this torture worth it? Cloud's face shatters and all the little pieces of happiness he's been holding onto are falling down to a pit inside of him. Tifa and Aeris are crying their eyes out and falling all over the place, trying to get a hold of themselves. Lucky bitches. Feeling. I am null.

Void.

Cloud shakes a little and a couple of tears slip down his face as he crawls into himself. Even Cid and Barret are crying, albeit holding it in a little…

And the stupid _traitor_-he's just standing there with no emotion at all! Do I dare speak again? Do I dare talk to him?

Do I dare disturb my social universe? Do I sincerely believe that even if I ask him 'what's wrong with you' and why the hell he isn't crying that he'll answer me, honestly if even at all, and if I pour and lace too much sweetness and sugar into my voice? Do I honestly believe that If I am niceand sweet little Yuffie to him that he'll answer my questions? I'm crazy. I don't care. I dare too much.

_Go ahead. I dare you to talk to him. Wreck this perfect façade of silence that you have constructed with one little word, I dare you._

"Why…are you so…so unfeeling? Huh? Does this _bother _you, TRAITOR? HUH? DOES IT?" I start quietly but by the time I'm done, I'm screaming. I'm not actually looking at him, but at his ear, like with Aeris. If I already broke the 'no talking no looking' pact I made to myself by speaking, I might as well keep my eyes to myself. "WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME? YOU NEVER _TALK_ TO ME! I ALWAYS WAS THE ONE WHO CAME TO YOU! AND…and…and for what reason?! You didn't want me anyways! I'm never going to be good enough for you, you stupid goddamn traitor-"my voice cracks against the strain. "-so just go back to that stupid slut! Just…just GO! LEAVE! GET OUT OF HERE!"

I'm breathing hard. Never looking at them. They stare at me with teary faced, horror stricken faces that are begging for an explanation. If I could feel right now, I would be crying.

I want to feel more than anything in the world. I want to hope. I want to be happy and to be sad and jealous and angry and fuming and crazy and I just want to feel.

Maybe I'm thinking about this too hard.

As the traitor stares at me with blank face but disbelieving and angry, burgundy eyes, I take a look inside at myself. I see dust where my heart was. I see cobwebs gathering in the corners where my happiness and hopes used to sit. Up on a broken and rusty shelf, I see broken crates and duct-taped boxes labeled 'false happiness' and 'sadness'. So this is me now. I imagine myself running towards one of the closed off emotions and ripping off its bindings. It doesn't work. As soon as I'm about to rip the tape off of the 'sadness' box, something wraps itself around my ankle and my waist. Its dirty little hands with cracked and jagged nails. The demons of my soul. I sling my head around and an invisible chain locks itself around me and pulls me to the floor. I can't do it. The demons and the chains are pulling me _back_. I need help. Even in my imagination, I'm not allowed to feel.

I come back from my journey to see that everything is the same as I left it. My eyes are dull black, I can tell. I'm irrelevantly disturbed by the fact that the hallways outside of my room are completely empty, except for one doctor who sits at a desk. I am completely, _relevantly_, disturbed by what I have become. Inside myself, there is a monster that resides. It growls and I growl under my breath. When it slashes out at a memory of happiness to get rid of it, I slash out at a hand that's reaching for my face to brush back my hair. I am no longer Yuffie. I am just…flesh and bone.

I dared disturb the universe. And instead of answers and feelings I wanted so badly…

…I got incredible anger that I could barely control.

Watch out.

I'm an atomic bomb walking.

I hope the others get that.

I hope the _traitor _gets that, or else he's screwed.

* * *

**Sunday, August 26**

**1:30 P.M.**

They said I was in the coma for four days. Huh. I expected longer. They all look at me strangely now. Like they're walking on broken glass around me. Maybe I was a little too intense in the hospital? I think it was because of the drugs they had me on…sort of. Half of everything I felt was real. I am still incredibly angry at Vincent and Lucrecia and…Hojo.

God, he looks like a walking cow. He's so disgusting. But I still believed him…_believe_ him…

And I still don't know what I want. I thought sex might be the answer, but…I don't…maybe it could be, could fill the gap, but somehow I don't think that would make anything any better. I stole Reno's button down black shirt like I said I would. I'm wearing it.

All alone in the kitchen by the window, eating a banana and writing in my journal…just in socks and Reno's shirt…

If anybody walked in right now they would probably just walk right back out. I'm serious. They could be starving to death and they would still avoid the kitchen just because I'm in it. I guess I should be glad that they get that I want to be left alone. I haven't seen the traitor or spoken to him since the hospital. The only person I've talked to is Tifa once at dinner to pass salt. Still no eye contact, either. I'm more depressed now, too. I wish they would just…

I wish we had never gone to the carnival, that's what. I wish I never came here, that I never met Vincent, and that I was never born. I'm so empty inside, but the depression and anger are there…I can feel them; I just can't do anything _about_ them. And it's not like I'm asking for much, you know? All I want is to be disease-free, feel emotion, and live my own happily ever after.

And even though Happily Ever Afters aren't free, I'd give anything to have one.

* * *

Emo much?

I'm like already writing the next chapter so it should come soon too. I'm so proud of myself for having this done so soon! My computers motherboard blew up and stuff, or else it would have been out even earlier.

Leave REVIEWS!!


	8. Outside Looking In

**A/N:** So um, I have a feeling you'll like this chapter if you love yuffentines as much as I do. Read and enjoy :)

Music credit: For the Glory, Evanescence, The Medic Droid, Lacuna Coil, Meg & Dia. In order of the songs listed.

* * *

No. 

Don't even try talking to me right now.

I'm far too angry for reasonable conversation.

* * *

Why would she do that! She knew very well that if she looked at me, if she just _looked me in the eye_, everything would have been fine and everything would have been made so much better. But no, she had to turn away, just like everybody always does. They always turn away from the monster. I do not even understand why she was so angry in the first place! Lucrecia came and talked to me and Yuffie walked away and talked to him and that piece of paper is lost, anyway! And it is not like I have any sexual interest towards that ungodly woman, she is hatred incarnate and all things bad and I am never, never, EVER going to love her again. Never going to _speak_ to her again if I can help it. She did all the worst things that a person could do to me. Why would I want that again? I just wish that Yuffie would _understand_! 

And yes I _do_ talk to her; she just wanted to give reasoning for being angry at herself. Yeah…

No, I do not talk to her, do I? Oh lord. She does always come up to me, she does always initiate…oh, not good. So maybe I should have talked to her more than I did. If she could…if she would just give me a chance then I would do it all over. And I would do it right this time. _Honestly_.

And…traitor? That is such a lovely name, don't you think? Suitable for a horrible person such as I. _I_ can't even look anybody in the eye now, out of sheer embarrassment for what happened. I caused Yuffie to be in her emotionally stressful state. It was all my _fault_ that she was yelling and screaming at us to go away. She could have just said I hate you and left it at that and it would have been better than this. She dragged it out. She plunged forth with the knife of anger and stabbed it into my heart, twisting and turning until all the pieces were dripping and falling to the bottom of my chest. I hate heartbreak. Shattering and knives and dripping with unrequited emotion. I cannot take much more this.

And…she's dying…

I should have known better. She hasn't been getting better, but I just assumed that she would…funny, that the more optimistic thinking came from the more pessimistic person… I don't have enough time_. She_ doesn't have enough time. I don't have enough timewith her and we don't have enough time with each other all I want to do is have her run and jump onto my back again and for everything to be like it was, before…when we…and she…when I….Never. I…couldn't possibly lo…no. I miss her friendship, is all. Besides: she would never l…yeah. She wouldn't.

Yuffie…

She is the only person I have ever met that issues out anger and hurt with good intention.

* * *

Why will she _still_ not look at anybody?

* * *

Dinner is the only time I ever really see her now. But all she does is ask people to pass salt. She makes a point of putting so much salt on her food that she ruins it then she just gets up and leaves. I can understand why she would be angry with me, but not with everybody else. They have not done anything to her. At least, not that I know of. So why is she avoiding us all like were the goddamn bubonic plague? 

I am standing near a window, covered in only gently strands of moonlight, arms crossed and leaning on the wall while looking outside. There are no clouds and the moon is full and it's beautiful. The moon reminds me of her eyes. Her gentle but flaming eyes, deadly intentions clouding the outside rings, sweetness poured and mixed in waves until the center, then darkness for the light to be let in…

Huh.

Darkness for the light…

Like Yin and Yang. She is the light. She needs darkness to counter her and to be complete.

…I could say something completely out of character right now, but I think I shall keep it to myself.

The fridge opens.

I look over and see Tifa in soffees and a tank top that looks like it would belong to Reno, not her. She rummages through until she finds a bottle of…chocolate sauce?...and then she turns around, humming and licking her fingers and kicking the door shut. She looks up and sees my strange red eyes in the darkness and drops the bottle in shock, her mouth hanging open.

"O-oh…I didn't realize you were awake, Vincent. Sorry…"

"It is quite alright, Tifa. You do not have to apologize. This is your house." She looks stupefied for a second, then realization hits her and she nods a little, stooping low to pick up the forgotten bottle of chocolate. God only knows what she plans on doing with it…

"So, Vincent…" she puts the sauce on the counter and pads over to me, sitting down in a chair and motioning for me to sit down too. When I don't she coughs and looks out the window.

"How have you…been, lately?" She averts her gaze from the moons milky glow for a second and then looks at me-in the eye, might I add-and tilts her head curiously. Her brown hair falls into her face and she raises an eyebrow.

"Fine." She cocks an eyebrow and looks at me with doubt.

"No…seriously. How have you been? I know the whole thing at the hospital affected a lot of us, but I…I just figured, you know, it would affect…you more…" She blushes under my intense eyes and turns away.

"Why would it be worse for me?"

"I don't know, it just seemed like you and Yuffie had been growing closer lately, and I just thought, you know…maybe you'd be a little more upset. I-I mean, you seem a little upset, or whatever, but you certainly aren't _acting_ it…"

I reach up a hand and rub my forehead lightly, turning my eyes to look outside.

"This has not been easy on any of us, Tifa. It is not going to get any easier, either. What Yuffie needs now is support from her friends…and if that is what she wants, then that is what she will get. Even if she has to act like a child to get it." She looks at me with annoyance on her features and shakes her head.

"Vincent, you know that's not what I meant! Stop evading the question!" I turn to her and silence her with my eyes, but she still remains annoyed and her face doesn't get any less hard. "I know you're afraid. You may not show it, but you _have_ to be, I mean-one of our best friends is _dying!_ This has to be bothering you, at least a little!" I keep my eyes locked on the moon and rest my head on the windowpane, speaking quietly.

"And what if it is, Tifa? What difference would it make?" She doesn't speak or move for at least half a minute before a small smile breaks over her lips.

"It makes a difference, all right." She murmurs under her breath. I look at her outlandishly.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing…" She stands up lightly and walks over to me. I'm about to turn away but she puts a hand on my shoulder lightly, as if to comfort me.

"I can tell you _like_ her very much Vincent. I can tell you'll _miss_ her. That's what I mean. You should tell her." She walks away, winking and then picking up the bottle of chocolate sauce on her way out and walking down the hallway. I hear a door open and close before I actually begin to breathe again.

What is she implying?

I shouldn't even have to ask myself. I already know what she means.

* * *

I am afraid. More afraid then when Yuffie passed out at the carnival. She lived, then. And it wouldn't have been her own doing if she had ended up…not…you know, making it. I'm not so sure now. She isn't speaking to any of us. She barely looks at us, and when she does it's brief and her eyes are blank or full of hate and anger. She spends most of her day locked in her bedroom playing music suggests she has serious mental problems. Today's song is "Drown in Blood". Yesterday was "My Immortal", the day before was "Fer Sure", and before that there was "Unspoken" and "Monster". And then a _whole_ lot of My Chemical Romance. 

I approach her door and I hear the strange lyrics and there's a piece of paper on the floor by the door. I stand and listen to the song for a few moments before stooping to pick it up.

_When your envy is on a piece of paper  
Let me sweetly smile  
You're devouring all the crumbs  
I'm leaving caught up in your lies _

You're on any other side.

See what I mean by disturbing? It's probably lyrics or something to that "Unspoken" song. I think that's where it's from…

Should I talk to her? I should just stop thinking. Or breathing. Every time I get an idea like this in my head, I always end up doing it. Regardless of what the consequences may be. I wonder if it'll even be talking to her, or talking at her…

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

The music volume turns down a little and I hear something heavy fall to the floor before something slams against the door. I knock one more time before the music turns off completely and it's just silence.

One…

Two…

Three…

"…Yuffie?" I let out verbosely. No sound, no movement, nothing is coming from inside of the room. Maybe she just…maybe she didn't hear me…

"Yuffie?" I say a little louder. Still nothing. So. She did hear me, just is refusing to acknowledge me. Well, here goes…

"I know you do not wish to hear from me right now, but I just want you to know…that I am sorry. I wish that every bad thing I ever did I could take back and erase. I'm so sorry that you're sick and I can't do anything, I'm _so_ sorry that Lucrecia isn't the person she should be, I'm sorry that you feel like you need to lock yourself in your room just so you won't be seen by us. I apologize for everything that I have done that could have hurt you, for every horrid emotion and angry thought I ever caused to enter your head, for all the times that I didn't talk to you when you talked to _me_. You were right, I do never talk to you, and I'm sorry for being the way I am, I really am, just please stop doing this…you're hurting yourself, and you're hurting everybody else and it's just so hard to deal with this, I know, but she doesn't matter at all. Right now, the only thing that matters, the only thing that is on my _mind_, is you. Please, Yuffie. Just _talk _to us. Talk to me. I need you to be strong, you need to be strong for yourself, and for everybody else. I know you can. You can do anything. Don't hurt yourself over something I foolishly did…leave me to suffer all I can, but do not reduce yourself to this…"

God.

_Deep breaths_.

That's the most emotion I've used in talking to somebody since Lucrecia.

I cannot believe I just went and spewed all of that out, without even knowing if she was listening. What have I become? I don't understand who I am anymore...

She could make it better. I _know _she could.

"So sorry..." I mumble quietly to her door before turning to walk away. As much as I wish she would, she doesn't come after me and by the time all of my hopes have shattered I'm in my room looking out the window into the blinding sun. So much for talking it out. Why doesn't she just listen when I'm trying to apologize? All I want from her is forgiveness. Something I will probably never get. But who am I kidding? I want far more from her than mere forgiveness… All I even think of anymore is how she and I could--

"Vincent?"

I whip around to face the hoarse and cracked voice.

"Yuffie…" I breathe out softly, wanting her to come closer. She's thinner from lack of food and her face is dark with purple circles under her swollen, red eyes. She's wearing a black button up t-shirt that looks alarmingly familiar.

"Reno…" She backs away with eyes widening and tears forming, shaking her head. I guess I said that with more anger than I meant to.

"Wait. I did not mean to use anger, if I did, and I don't care…if anything happened." She stops in the doorway and clutches at the wood framing, eyes wide and worried.

"Nothing happened…" She whispers lightly, painfully…regretfully. Does she regret that nothing happened, or that I asked? I'm itching to ask her, but I guess that will have to wait for later.

"Okay."

We stand in silence for a few minutes, just drinking in the appearance of one another and breathing in and out. How I missed seeing her every day… Her hair has gotten even longer, past her shoulders now, the sleek black tresses curling up in waves. Her eyes, once so full of life, are now hardened and look like scratched up marbles. Maybe with time, they'll get brighter? Clearer? Her petite, pale legs stick out from the oversized shirt and look tinier than they really are. What I would give to just run my hands along her smooth, silky…

Damnit.

_Now_ will they shoot me?

I put one foot forward of the other, testing to see if she'll let me come closer. I don't even have to wait, as she runs forward and lunges into my arms, latching onto my shirt and holding so tightly it's starting to hurt me.

"Vinnie, you shouldn't be the one who's sorry it's all my fault I should be the one apologizing but no you should be too because of that stupid Lucrecia and you talked to her and you guys flirted and she was all over you I just want to kill her and wring her perfect little neck and Hojo that ugly cow oh gawd he said the worst things, and Vinnie I'm just so _SAD-_"

"What did he say to you?" I ask angrily, using one hand to pull her back slightly and putting the other around her shoulders to keep her there. She looks at me, mouth hanging open, eyes shining and then she looks down.

"Yuffie, what did he say? Is it his fault that you were so upset?" She doesn't say anything, just sniffles and twists my shirt around her fists. She looks around the room, trying to find an excuse or maybe change the subject, but I'm not letting her off that easily.

"Yuffie…" She looks.

"You can tell me. I won't be angry." '_Not at you, anyway'_ I add to myself.

"He…he said…" she takes a deep breath to stop shaking and then she looks at the floor.

"He said that you and him were friends and you talked all the time, and that you told him you were still in love with Lucrecia and you only acted…like you…uhm, well like youliked me because you felt sorry for me and wanted to lead me on, because you were…he said you were a selfish, stupid bitch and didn't deserve anything, not happiness or Lucrecia…or, uhm, me…and he said that he would make me happy and that all you would do is ruin my life even more. He said that he was friends with all of you, actually…he told me that all of you talked about me behind my back and said you hated me, and you guys were planning on just getting up and leaving me one day, just out of the blue…then he promised he would take care of me, that he would never _leave_ me…he said that he would never be like you. Oh, Vincent, I didn't want to believe him, but he said that if I didn't believe him to just look at you and see for myself, and I did and I saw Lucrecia all close and up on you and giving you the _paper_ and you weren't moving so I figured you were _OKAY_ with her doing that, and then I got really sad and I felt this awful squeezing feeling in my throat and I felt like I was gonna die so I turned and said I had to go to Hojo and I ran away…I shouldn't have listened to him, Vinnie! But there was this sick part of me that believed him…that _wanted _to believe him…that wanted to find some reason to stop…liking you…and…the others, and it hurt so bad. And then I woke up in the hospital and I felt chokey and I really needed to cry and scream my _heart_ out…and I did..." She takes a deep breath like she has more to say, but then she shakes her head like she shouldn't bring it up and continues on.

"And that's what happened. I guess, I was just so afraid of losing you and the others….that I just believed what he said because I thought it was already going to happen anyways…I was afraid because…well, if dreams can come true, then so can nightmares…right?" She breathes shakily and looks up at me.

So. That's what he said to her. He made her…this pure and innocent girl, believe in only nightmares and sadness. I'll kill him.

Lucky for him, I don't have a gun license. And he better be damn glad that he's not in this room right now. I let my arm fall off of her shoulders and my hands ball into fists as I try to keep my anger in check.

I'm starting to shake with fury by the time Yuffie is backing away in fear.

"…Vinnie?" I look up at the wall past her and my eyes narrow and glitter dangerously in the sun pouring into the room. She starts to shake again and I look at her, and she's in the path of my angry eyes.

"Vincent, you promised you wouldn't get mad at me! Please, don't be angry; just don't be _angry_ at me! I'll do _anything, _just PLEASE-" She stops abruptly as I sweep towards her and she freezes and her eyes widen like I'm about to kill her. Instead, I grab her and roughly pull her into an embrace. She holds her breath for a few seconds before putting her arms up around my neck and pulling herself up onto her tiptoes. I move my hands down her back and pull her off the floor and she locks her legs around my waist, crying loudly into my neck. I run my hands up and down her back to try and soothe her tears.

"Oh…m-my gawd, it hurt so bad Vinnie…it…h-hurt…" I hold her to me tightly and put my lips on the side of her head, lightly pressing my face into her hair and breathing in the flowery smell. I want to absorb all of her pain and make her feel better. The only thing I want right now is to feel her laughing against me, smiling and running her fingers through her hair as she dances and lives her life, never being afraid or feeling pain like this.

The only thing I want for her is happiness. I would give my life to save her soul from this torment. She lifts her head from my wet neck and looks at me, her eyes flicking back and forth between my own. The only thing I want…is to hold her.

The only thing I want…is her.

She stares and breathes heavily, hiccupping and shaking, holding onto me like I will give her life. Everything is completely still as I look at her. No sound, no moving…

And then my lips move forward, lightly pressing against hers, hand moving down her back so my fingers can caress her bare hip lightly. Goosebumps rise up and she shivers and clings closer, eyes closing right as I pull my head back. She stays like that, eyes closed and arms tight while I look at her, eyebrows drawn together and staring intensely. She's so beautiful in this light…

Her eyes open and they shine before she kisses me once more, soft and urging. She pulls back and we stare in each others eyes.

Oh, _yes._

I push my mouth against hers forcefully and she slides her fingers up into my hair, playing with the long strands as I back up into a wall, kissing her hard and fast. She hits with a loud BOOM that resonates through the room as I move my lips down from hers to her neck, loud and frustrated noises coming from her throat as I move to her button down shirt, undoing the first two and kissing above her breasts before trailing kisses back up to her neck and then her awaiting mouth. She ravages me with her tongue and it's passion incarnate, love and lust and dreams all mixed up as we're falling back onto my bed and rolling on the sheets pulling at each others bodies and kissing like we'll never get the chance again. I push my hands up her shirt as she straddles me and caress the soft skin on her back, moving to rub the sides of her stomach and the front of it, drawing out gasp after gasp as I drift lower, teasing, moving back up and grasping her small back and pulling her down and over until I'm on top with my hand tangled in her hair and on her side and elbow supporting me, kissing her savagely.

So this is living.

I kiss her feverishly once more before pulling my head up slightly and whispering in her ear, breathily, the only thing that I'm sure of anymore.

"I love you."

* * *

**A/N:** So, what did you think? REVIEW! The button likes to be pushed.

Yeah, I know she got over her little issues really fast, but I didn't want this to be too focused on. It was the main point of the past two chapters, and that it brought them closer and stuff, but there's other stuff that's going to happen to her and Vincent. So yeah.

The more reviews, the faster the chapter comes!


	9. There Is No Mathematics To Love and Loss

**A/N:** As soon as I'm done with this story I'm gonna go through and change all the dates. It's not cold in August in the U.S., like, ever, and probably not in Utah, so I'll change it to December or something.

Uhmm…I don't own WonderBra…obviously, WonderBra does.

**Warnings: **Sexual implications. Cussing. Adult situations. Violence.

---

**Wednesday, August 29**

**7:44 P.M.**

He loves me.

He loves me not.

Pick the petals that fall,

Fall into the abyss of nothing,

He _loves_ me.

Can I say it again?

HE LOVES ME.

After all of this, after the way I treated him and how I almost broke him; he kisses me and says I love you. Oh, kissing Vincent Valentine. Definitely one of my favorite pastimes. His lips are so soft and at first I thought they would be cold and unwanting but they were so warm and inviting and I could have just stayed forever in his arms and kissed him for the rest of eternity. And his hands are so caressing and they just know how to touch you right where you _want _them to and right where you're most vulnerable to make you want _more._ I think I'm going to go insane if I don't get more of him soon. I'm practically addicted to him!

Just sitting here, thinking of all the ways he could touch me and kiss me and all the things he could do with those oh so nimble hands of his, it makes me want to-

"Yuffie."

From the position I'm in on my bed, if I arch my neck and turn my head just enough I can turn to see him standing in the doorway behind me and leaning on the sill with his arms crossed. Most of the hallway is lit and my room is pretty bright, too, so I can see his perfectly stunning eyes and detect the small smirk on his lips. _Lips…_

I roll over and sit up, pulling my legs underneath my body and patting the bed next to me. Vincent eyes my exposed legs (and maybe more, I'm not really sure) quietly before pushing off the doorjamb with his shoulder and walking slowly, deliberately slowly into the room and sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at the floor and avoiding me like he knows how the distance between our bodies is killing me.

Well, not _killing_, but you get what I mean.

Hm. If he wants to tease me, then he's just going to get what he deserves.

"So, Vinnie…" I start, standing up and walking over to the small walk-in closet in the room, pulling open the door and flipping the switch. What to talk about?

"Do you believe in god?" Hm. Fair enough. I step inside the small space and start flipping through what clothes I have hung up, looking for a t-shirt to change into. The one I'm wearing is clean enough, but…well; when a good teasing is in order I think I can sacrifice one shirt. He thinks for a little while as I continue flipping in silence.

"It depends on what you mean by 'believe'." I put a finger to my chin in thought and stop browsing, taking a second to turn to him with my hand on my hip.

"Like…when you feel like all is lost is there one deity in particular that you pray to, if any? And, well, do you pray?" He considers as I turn back around. Aha! XL _white_ v-neck. Big enough to cover it all, small enough to make him want to rip—damn me.

"I do believe in god to some extent, and when I feel it is absolutely necessary, I pray. I can only hope that—" His breath catches slightly as he stops in mid sentence. The cause of this, I suppose, is because my fingers have descended down to the hem of my shirt and are now lifting it over my head, exposing to him my bare back and matching black underwear/bra set. Thank god for the Wonderbra.

"Can only hope what, Vinnie?" I turn my face and body so he can vaguely see the side of chest. His eyes are glittering dangerously and are cloudy with lust and—oh, it makes me happy to say this!—_love_. He's breathing quietly now and leaning on one arm to support himself. I smile wickedly and cock my head, turning back to the task at hand. I yank the shirt from the hangar and pull it over my head.

"Well then, I guess that covers that, huh?" I say with a hint of laughter in my voice as I push my hair over my left shoulder and go back to the bed. I kneel facing him, staring.

My eyes travel over the legs in black sweats up to the perfectly sculpted wife beater clad torso, over his broad shoulders, muscular chest and up his strong neck to his face. He's looking at me like he's hell bent on settling of scores and I smile amiably like I haven't a clue what's going on. Oh, revenge is sweet.

And so not over yet.

I bend further on my hands and move forward, arching my back as far as it will go and leaning so close into his face I can feel his sweet breath on my neck and I'm looking into his coppery-russet eyes and licking my lips slowly as his eyes travel over my facial features to my chest, stopping himself right before his eyes hit my billowing shirt and catch sight of my breasts. Always the gentlemen… I put one hand forward and rest it on his thigh, bringing it up and down slowly.

He twitched! His muscles are spazzing because he's trying so hard to resist!

Oh, I will get him. No matter how hard he tries to restrain himself.

I smile and look at him naively.

"Are you alright, Vinnie? You're looking a bit…_frustrated_." I breathe out seductively.

"Hmm?" I tilt my head as his eyes close when my hand drifts further up his leg. He opens them again, eyes blazing with the need for my body against his. This should be an Olympic sport. I'd totally win. Inching closer, ever so slowly, my lips are poised only a millimeter above his own and I'm just about to push them on his…

But instead I clear my throat and lean back into a sitting position, smiling triumphantly and crossing my legs. Vincent looks at me, almost mad now, and he glares. I giggle and stand up going back into the closet to pick up my discarded t-shirt from before.

"Oh, Vinnie…what would I do without you to make my nights so much more entertaining? I—"

Oh. I wasn't even paying attention and he snuck up behind me, wrapping his thick and well-muscled arms around me tightly and achingly, making my stomach tie into knots, his fingers rubbing over the t-shirt lightly and massaging me into weakness.

Stomach equals weak spot for Yuffie. Damn it all to hell.

"You think you are the only one who can play this game. It is too bad that I am feeling a little…sexually _frustrated_." Wow. Way to throw my words right back at me.

He presses his lips down onto my neck as it lolls backward and sideways onto his chest, exposing me to his vengeful mouth. He kisses softly but feverishly and moves up towards my chin and lips as I breathe heavily and whimper.

"And without me, you would very possibly be bored by now and not be losing yourself to your weaknesses." Oh, how right you are, Vincent…

"Mmmm…" I nod feverishly, surrendering myself to him. Weak, I know. But you would be too if the object of your sexual and emotional desires was pressed up against you and rubbing his hands all over you. He pulls me back to the bed slowly, never breaking contact with my neck.

Then he sits down on the bed, bringing me down to sit in his lap as he continues to kiss and suck at my neck, hands working their magic. He gently lowers me and leans over my shuddering body, moving down to bite at my collarbone as I stretch out underneath him, helpless. Finally, he moves up and presses his lips on my own as I rake my fingers over his chest and through his hair desperately and he puts a hand up my shirt and onto my bare skin. I moan into his mouth and push my legs up so that if we were flipped over I'd be straddling him and he pushes further onto me and kisses harder, wanting more.

If we're not careful, we just might end up—

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STILL FUCKING PISSED AT US, YUFFIE! HELL, YOU COULD AT LEAST CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR!"

Whoops. We break apart and I roll to the side but overshoot and end up falling onto the floor as Vincent sits up. He moves at a normal pace and leans back onto the bed like nothing happened, smiling devilishly at me with his eyes. I glare back at him before turning to see who was in the doorway.

Reno.

"Geez, Reno, no need to barge in. I mean it's not like we were in the middle of anything!" He scoffs at me and crosses his arms.

"Sorry to bother your fucking love-making, but the door was already _open_. And when the hell did you start speaking to us? Shit, when did you stop being pissed at ol' Valentine, here?" I shake my head and look down.

"Besides, it's nothing I haven't seen before. I mean me an' T—"

"RENO, NOOOOO!" Tifa comes sprinting from the side, a mere blur of skin, and tackles him to the floor with a loud 'oof '. I crack up and fall backwards laughing. He groans and picks himself up as Tifa pulls something from his hands I didn't notice from before and slides it over her head. A shirt…? I raise an eyebrow at him and clear my throat.

"Is there something that _you_ would like to explain, Reno? Tifa?" They look at each other, then me, and lastly Vinnie before shaking their heads quickly.

"Nope!"

"We'll just be on our merry fucking way, enjoy yourselves!" They help each other up off of the floor and run down the hallway laughing to Tifa's room and slam the door.

"Well that was interesting…" I say mildly as I stand up and readjust my shirt. Vincent looks at me with his dark and lusty eyes. I think he's laughing at me in his head, but you can never be too sure with him.

"What?"

"Go look at your shoulder." I look at him questioningly and walk to my mirror…and I realize I have two hickeys the size of freaking asteroids. How will I explain this?!

"Oh well!" I giggle, pressing a finger gingerly to one and running it over my bones and down my shirt. I turn back to the bed and walk towards it.

"It's too bad Reno had to barge in on us like that." I fall back onto the bed, maneuvering myself so that I'm on top of his legs and stretched out. He drums his fingers on my ribs and stares at me with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

"We can always pick up where we left off…" He trails off and I flip over and place one leg on either side of him, wiggling my hips strategically to make him want more. I place one hand on his chest and slide it down.

"Yes…we can." I say quietly, kissing and pushing him back onto the bed once more.

**Thursday, August 30th**

**1:30 P.M.**

"He what!"

"No!"

"Oh yes. He very well _did_."

"Wow! I would never expect Vincent to be the one to rip a girl's shirt off, much less _anybody's_ shirt."

Aeris, Tifa and I sat cross legged in Tifa's room on her large bed, the late afternoon sunlight pouring into the room. The blinds are pulled back and we're eating slightly warm mint chocolate chip ice cream out of the carton discussing boys. How much more female can we get?

"But he did it so gently! Well, that's not exactly what I mean, but you'd think that ripping somebody's shirt clean off their body would leave some kind of mark, but no! It barely even hurt." Aeris fingers her shirt with a strange look on her face as I say this, and Tifa merely giggles.

"I remember one time when Reno and I were…you know, and he took my bra and pulled on it so hard the strap snapped. It was one of my favorite bras! Expensive, too." I nod in agreement and we look to Aeris, waiting for her to share a he-ripped-it-off-of-me story. She looks uncomfortable but speaks anyway.

"Cloud and I had sex."

UUuhhhHHh?! What am I supposed to say to that!

"I?"

"Umm…"

Tifa and I stumble for words, waiting for Aeris to get to the point.

"He ripped my dress off." We open and close our mouths like fishes.

"You know what? I can see Cloud ripping clothes off of somebody. And besides the dress part, I'm uh…happy for you guys? I'm not sure what to say I guess." I say amusedly. That's funny. Even though I always knew it would be the two of them to do it first. Unless Tifa and Reno…well, yeah they've probably done it. I mean, come on. This is Reno we're talking about.

"What was it like?" Tifa finally manages to say.

"Well…let's just say that Cloud is very in touch with his sexual side. It was…I dunno, how to describe my first time? Amazing seems so cliché. But I guess that word gives it _some_ credit. So yeah, it was pretty amazing." She shrugs and takes another bite of ice cream. Tifa and I sigh like the stupid females we are and stare at her with longing. I wish I had experienced something that was that incredible. But I guess Aeris of all people deserves something like this. She's such a sweet person that even if I wanted to wish her into the depths of hell, only in my mind, I couldn't do it. And I wouldn't even have to try because she would never give me a reason to. Then again, there was that one time where we got into a fight over the last muffin in our dorm and we were fighting and we gave each other a few decent sized bruises. But that was only because Tifa had been teaching us separately how to fight each other, but that's another story entirely…

"By the way, Yuffie, you still need to explain why you're not mad at Vincent anymore. At the hospital, you were kind of…intense and I just…um…" Aeris mumbles the last few words at the look on my face. I guess I knew this would come sooner or later.

"Oh…o-okay…" I shakily say to their expectant faces. Deep breaths.

He loves me.

"I was so angry with him at first. And with-don't even make me say her name. That guy, Hojo was her boyfriend and he started talking to me when she went and flirted with him…and…stuff…" More deep breathing. I didn't think this would be this hard…

"He was telling me all these lies that I just happened to believe at that point because I was in a lot of unstable emotional pain and he told me that everybody hated me and that everybody was stabbing me in the back and that none of you even liked me, you just felt bad for me and it was just so awful, it was _so_ GODDAMN-"

Okay. Calm.

"And I got so upset because of the things he said to me. And then when we were in the hospital I just figured if I acted like I didn't care about you guys or anything then you would just admit what you wanted, how much you hated me and would just leave me alone instead of being…fake…and I know this was awful stuff to think, but…"

"It's okay, Yuffie. We understand." Tifa encourages quietly.

_He loves me._

"And then, after a while, I just couldn't take being so alone. I was in my room listening to all that music and it was so terrible and depressing and all I could think about was how good you all were to me, but this part of me still wanted to believe that you were terrible people and I should hate you. I was sitting in my room and Vincent came and knocked on my door and he just started shooting out all these words about how he was so sorry and he would do anything to make it so I wouldn't be angry with him. I was so shocked I forgot to be biased and just followed him and…let go, I guess. He sort of subconsciously pieced together my thoughts, without really trying to, you know? Like, I can't really explain it… He just made me realize, like snap, that everything Hojo said was wrong and that I should just believe in what I thought was right and…_go _with it. It was…inconceivable..." I pause to take a lungful of air.

"You know how they say opposites attract?" Tifa and Aeris nod, smiling slightly.

"It feels like he's my other half. And when I'm with him, it's just like, it feels so good to be whole. Like I can do _anything_, as long as I have him."

But despite everything that has happened, I'm still a good liar. And despite all the happniess, togetherness, love, and warmth that Vincent has made me feel, I am still deathly afraid that he'll leave me. Once the victim, always the victim. I don't think I'll ever stop being worried that people hate me or are going to leave me. It's almost funny how one thing can make you weary of your whole life and make you see everything in a different light.

I never thought it would be this hard to look for something that isn't lost.

**Thursday, August 30th**

**6:04 P.M.**

Dinner certainly goes much better when I'm actually talking. I sit next to Vincent now and I laugh for myself, a little for him, and enough to cover for everybody else. I read somewhere once that the more you laugh, the healthier you'll be.

Mostly I wish everybody would stop acting like I'm going to break in half if they even look at me, but I guess that's expected after you come from about a week of being a cold-hearted bitch.

Eh. Whatever. No regrets, right?

Stabbing at a piece of noodle, I look at Reno and decide to start my daily ritual of annoyance.

"So, Reno, when do you want your shirt back?"

He's in the middle of some oh-so-important conversation with Tifa so he waves me off.

"When it's clean or whatever, don' care…" He turns back to talk about guns and Elena something-or-other before his mouth drops open and he stops in mid sentence, turning to gape at me with a strange look on his face.

"What the fuck! My shirt?!?!"

"Reno! Language!" Tifa glares at him.

"What shirt, brat! When the hell did you get my shirt?!" I giggle uncontrollably and almost fall out of my chair.

"The black button up one, I took it earlier in the week and I-hey, how come you never noticed it was gone 'til I _told_ you?" I laugh more as he turns red and shakes his head at me before balling up his fist and banging it on the table.

"You better give me my goddamn shirt back…" Tifa puts a hand on his arm and another on her mouth, stifling laughter that would have erupted like a volcano if Reno hadn't been so seriously peeved.

"I mean hell, if you didn't have your stupid guard dog Valentine right there, I swear to god I'd-what was that?" Reno stands up abruptly and looks to the archway on the other side of the room that leads into the living room. Everybody gets quiet as he takes a step away from the table and towards the door.

"What are you talking about, Reno? If this is some way to distract me, then-" Vincent puts his hand over my mouth gently and pulls me into his chest, placing a finger on his lips.

"I heard it too. It sounded like the door was opening." He whispers. My eyes widen in shock and I look at Tifa who has this worried but somewhat unconvinced look on her face. Reno makes another motion for us to keep quiet then he makes his way to the doorway and into the living room. Everybody is tensely silent for a couple seconds.

"WHAT THE FUCK-GET _OUT_ OF HERE!!!" There's a loud boom that sounds like the couch being knocked backwards as Reno shouts his last-ditch attempts at protection and another person is saying something angrily and walking in a fast pace towards the kitchen.

As soon as they round the corner, I know at least two people in the room recognize her easily.

_Lucrecia._

She's standing poised right in front of the only way out of here with her legs spread and her stick-thin arms holding a revolver out, not cocked but looking like it could end a life in one second. Which it very well could if she had any aim.

I glance at Vincent out of the corner of my eye, and see him watching her with the scariest look I've ever seen in my life. I shrink farther into him and hide my face in his neck as he continues to glower at her.

"Oh, baby, you always were cuter when you were pissed off. If you just get up and come with me I won't kill your little infectious attachment, there." She offers in what I'm sure she thinks is a gracious voice.

Vincent stands up and lets me slip to the floor, two feet barely supporting myself. I'll show her who's an infectious _attachment_.

"Get out. _Now_." Vincent's already low voice is reduced to an even lower bass, making him sound more animal than human. The others who were at the table have already hidden somewhere else in the room. I quiver slightly in my place but don't move, determined to prove something. I'm not sure what yet, but I'm definitely working on it. The bitch shakes her head and looks at him, her evil eyes blazing with an intense light that is already convincing me she's crazy.

"She doesn't love you, you know." She says, pointing the gun at me and snickering. Vincent makes a move to get in front of me, but she moves the gun back to him.

"Uh-uh. You're not moving. Not unless it's towards me. She doesn't deserve you and you don't need her. You would never work together." I start to glare at her too.

"Because honestly, someone with looks like _that…_" She rolls her eyes and laughs evilly.

W…what!

"You think you're so much better than me, then why don't you fucking come over here and say it to my face, stupid _bitch!_" My fists are curled tightly and my legs are spread like hers, ready for a fight but not prepared for losing.

She looks at me and walks slowly towards me, fingers uncurling and recurling around the trigger lightly in a fashion that's meant to frighten me but only makes me angrier.

"Oh? Think you can take me? Need I remind you that I have a gun, sweetie." She gives me a once-over. "You couldn't handle me." She starts to turn and say something to Vincent, but I thrash out at her and manage to punch her in the side of the head on her temple. She stumbles backwards and onto the floor, gun sliding away and looking at me through disheveled hair and an already forming bruise. I lunge at her and we start to roll around on the floor, pulling at hair, kicking, screaming, anything to injure the other. Vincent dodges us rolling and goes to get the forgotten gun. Or, semi-forgotten I guess, because Lucrecia tries to get up and stop him but I grab her by her hair and yank her back onto the floor, scratching her face and yelling terrible things at her. Vincent puts the safety on the gun and puts it somewhere I don't see because I was too busy trying not to get beat up too bad and then he starts to come back and help me.

But life was never fair to either of us, now was it?

_Another_ person steps into the room and is holding out _another _gun, this one cocked and aimed right at Vincent.

Lucrecia and I stop for a second, still tangled in each other and look up at the intruder.

"Hojo!" I squirm to try and get up and hit him but he points the gun at me and I'm still.

"You filthy little slut. You think you can come here and try to take him back?" At first I think he's referring to me, but in reality it's Lucrecia who's frozen with a gun pointed at her now.

"And you, _beautiful_ Yuffie, you think you can get away from me? There is no way that I'm letting you go back to that monster that said all of those things about you. Why would you even want to? He hates you!" I shiver and shove Lucrecia away from me as he follows my motions with his gun.

"Come with me right now, and nobody gets killed." I risk a glance at Vincent and see he is practically strangling Hojo with his eyes, or maybe hands the way their clenched so tightly and pressed into the floor. It's hurting him that he isn't doing anything, but he knows if he tried he would get shot. He looks at me, his beautiful blood-red eyes sending me warning looks. What is he planning…?

"How can you even stand to _look_ at him? He thinks you're the most disgusting thing he's ever met! He never wanted you. All he'll do is leave you. I, on the other hand, will care for you forever. We can be _lovers_, Yuffie!" Lucrecia makes a strangled noise and I realize she's crawled over to Hojo's feet without him noticing, but as she tried to beat her fists against his ankle he kicks her in the stomach, and a sickening crunch is heard as I'm sure a few ribs are broken. She gasps and curls into herself, twitching a little.

Vincent makes one last pained look and shoots towards me.

"NO! GET DOWN!" Hojo pulls the trigger, but it misses Vincent. He is already right next to me and holding my minute body against his in an act of protection, hand behind my head. Somebody, Barret I think, is sneaking up behind Hojo quietly with hands curled into balls and angry eyes. He hits him in the back of the neck and I see it is Barret. Lucrecia reaches out and grabs Hojo's dropped gun and aims for me, shooting the gun twice.

I see my life flash before my eyes as the bullets get ever closer, coming so close as to end my life, threatening me with their whistling metal…

But Vincent shoves me to the floor and ducks himself so fast that we barely miss them. I shake feverishly on the floor and start to cough a little, but I manage to pull it together enough to look around and see Hojo and Barret fighting each other and Lucrecia trying to reload the gun with quivering fingers. I kneel and cough, blood appearing now, as Vincent manages to take the gun away from her and slide it across the room and into a wall. He picks her up by her shirt and holds her against a wall. He leans in closely and for a second I think he might kiss her, but he turns and whispers in her ear instead.

I can barely make out 'how dare you' before he has dropped her and let her head fall with a loud thud on the tiled kitchen floor.

Somebody must have called the cops while we were doing all this because I hear sirens now. Lucrecia struggles to her elbows and smirks at me with deadly intent in her eyes, reaching for the gun that was conveniently next to her. I guess that was the wrong wall to throw the gun to…

She laughs cruelly one last time as the front door is thrown open, the shouting of police echoing throughout the house.

And she pulls the trigger, a loud bang popping into the atmosphere as I slide to the ground, blood flecked lips opening and closing like a fish as my eyelids flutter.

_He loves me…_

----

**A/N:** So did she get shot or not? Cliffies are love. Review and check for the next chapter soon.


	10. A Ghost Between Us

**A/N:** If you haven't seen it, go to youtube and type in 'splinter cell co-op theater'. It is the funniest thing I have ever seen, I am NOT kidding. Other than that, sorry for the delay. My motherboard blew up (again) and then I had writers block, blah blah blah. Needless to say, I'll try to update more frequently. Review and tell me what you think.

-------------------

As she crashed to the floor, the bullet wound seeping her deep, crimson life support, I almost cried out. Almost. Instead, I got to Yuffie as fast as I could, picking her up in my arms bridal style. I turned to the side and set her down onto the kitchen table, bending down to check her pulse. Still there. Thank god. It was faint, but this was just another episode.

"I need to get her to a hospital as soon as possible." I growled out to the nearest police officer.

"We'll get another guy in here for her as soon as we can. We have to get this one out of the way."

Lucrecia. I flinched when I looked at her unconcious form. I hated her with every fiber in my being, but it still hurt to see her barely alive. A team of EMTs lifted her onto a stretcher, wheeling her out of the open front door and pushing her into the waiting ambulance. Tifa's head peeked over the island counter for the first time since she went into hiding. Her eyes went wide and she gasped as she stared at Yuffie.

"Is she going to be okay?" She breathed out.

"Not if I don't _get her to a hospital_." The same police officer turned and looked at me funny. Tifa stifled laughter and coughed, averting her eyes. She mumbled an apology as she stood up.

"Where is everybody else?" she questioned as she looked around her trashed kitchen.

"'m here, an' I got Cid." Barret stumbled into the kitchen with an unconcious Cid on his back, for whatever reason I was unsure of at the moment. Tifa walked over and talked to Barret in a concerned, hushed voice as he set Cid on the ground gently. Reno sat up and grunted loudly in the other room. This got Tifa's attention and she held up a finger to Barret as she went to check on Reno.

"Is everything alright?" Aeris asked tensely from the doorway. Her bright green eyes were clouded with concern as she gripped Cloud's hand in a death grip. He flinched slightly but didn't bother to free his hand.

"Yes, for the most part. My most sincere apologies for your kitchen, Tifa." She looked around and shrugged.

"I was going to redo it anyways."

"What do you mean for the most part?" Cloud questioned for Aeris.

"Yuffie is having another episode, Lucrecia is on her way to the ICU at Jordan Valley, Hojo with her. I'm pretty sure Barret gave him a mild concussion with that blow to the head."

"...sor'y."

"No, it's quite alright. You incapacitated him and therefore prevented him from threatening or hurting anybody else. Thank you." Barret looked confused for a minute, but then seemed to grasp what I meant and nodded, scratching the back of his head idly.

"Sir?" Finally. Now Yuffie can get to the hospital.

"I'm coming with you." The EMT started to disagree with me but one glare silenced him and he just motioned for me to bring her to the stretcher waiting outside. I set her on it gently and they strapped her in.

"Vincent!" I turned around and inclined my head slightly at Tifa.

"Please call when you have any news. Okay? We'll be following behind the ambulance in Reno's car, but...if she wakes up, or something..." I nodded my head and turned back to sit on the seat inside next to Yuffie.

"Alright, we're taking off. Hang on back there." I barely looked at the driver as he drove out of the driveway and took a sharp left.

"Yuffie." No response. I took her hand and held it lightly and murmered encouragement to her as I smoothed my thumb over her silky skin. The encouragement was more for me than her, seeing as she was still unconcious.

Damn Lucrecia. Damn Hojo. And damn them for making Yuffie sick again. I cannot believe the things Lucrecia thinks she can get away with...

"Mmm...Vinnie?" Yuffies eyelids fluttered open. "Vinnie! _Vincent_!" She called frantically. I had accidentally let go of her hand.

"Shh, I'm here." I reclaimed it and squeezed it lightly as she squinted to readjust her eyes to the harsh, artificial light in the van.

"What happened? Did I get shot?! I swear to god I heard gunshots."

"Shhh. Calm down."

"I'm perfectly calm, dammit, and I want to know what happened!" I chuckled lightly at her defiance and grinned.

"You're fine, althought I do believe you're having another episode. Lucrecia's gun was out of bullets, but a cop had entered the house. The gunshot you heard was him shooting her in the back. So, you see, you are perfectly fine. Lucrecia, on the other hand..."

"Oh, god. Am I going to jail or something? Somebodies going to jail for this, aren't they?" She went into a coughing fit at this, blood spattering over her sheets. I just continued holding her hand, knowing there was nothing I could do to stop her.

"No." She sighed in relief as we pulled up to the hospital.

"Vinnie...I don't, um...I can't..." She's tired.

"Go to sleep. You need your rest." She smiled at me warmly and closed her eyes, head rolling limply to the side as she fell into a deep sleep. I dialed Tifa's number and quickly explained that Yuffie had awoken, but fell back asleep. I sighed as I hung up. How complicated life was becoming.

-------

I met the others in the waiting room, including Cid who had regained conciousness sometime while I was gone. They all stood up at once and looked at me with anticipation.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I know little more than you do at this point." They either sighed or groaned and sat down in their previous seats. To be perfectly honest, the only progress doctors had made with her was moving her from the stretcher into a hospital bed and taking her pulse. All of her stats were normal and her heartrate was perfectly in time. I told my friends as much and then sat down alongside them.

Yuffie was fine. Hojo would be fine. Lucrecia was stable, at least. And I wasn't sure about myself. I loved Yuffie. I _knew _I loved her, down to the deepest part of my bones, in every fiber of the marrow. But I was worried that I would be forced to do something drastic the next time something like this occured.

There is only so much that a usually calm person can handle before they are forced to explode with everything they've been holding back. I have been holding back for _years_. And the last thing I want is for Yuffie to be in harms way when I can't control myself anymore. This whole thing was my fault.

Hojo was angry because of Lucrecia wanting me back.

Lucrecia was angry because of Yuffie being with me.

It is _all _my fault. Maybe I could just...leave. Maybe, maybe not. Regardless of who's fault it is, though, I know that leaving would be the worst possible thing to do right now. I don't even know if I could make myself leave her helpless, alone, sick...

"Mr. Valentine?" I broke away from my thoughts.

"Miss Kisaragi is awake. She has requested to see you." I nodded and stood, motioning for the others to stay until I came back, and left to go to Yuffie's room.

She was sitting up with her back resting against her pillow, eyes darkened and bruised. I had a terrible feeling that it wasn't because of fighting either. Maybe she was going through the same internal struggle as I was...

"Yuffie?" She looked up at the sound of my voice and her eyes turned glassy as she mouthed something I couldn't see. I went to her bed and held her face with the side of my hand. I leaned in and quietly placed my lips on top of hers. She sighed and knotted her hands into my hair before I could pull away. When she finally released me, I looked deeply into her eyes and tried to sort everything out. How I wish I could read her mind.!

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess...how long have I been out?" Let's see...

"Almost 6 hours. Not that long." I reassured her. So fragile...

"Damn! Where are the others?"

"They're in the waiting room."

"Well get their asses in here!" I chuckled at her for what seemed like the millionth time that day.

"Okay Yuffie. Whatever you want." She smiled at this and reached for me, her long and bony arms looking paler than usual in the bright flourescent light of the hospital room. I would hold her until she made me let go. She breathed deeply and sighed.

"I don't know what to do..." My heart almost froze at that. Even though the statement was simple, I knew there was another meaning behind it. I pulled my head off of her neck to look at her questioningly. She seemed to understand what I was getting at.

"Vincent...you know as well as I do...that I'm not getting better." I tried to keep my face expressionless.

"One of these days...I'm not going to...be here, and I..." My face crumpled and I buried my face in her neck again, somewhat ashamed at the show of emotion. It was unlike me to be so open. I guess Yuffie was affecting me more than I knew.

"I'm sorry, Vincent. I didn't want this..."

"I know. It's not your fault, Yuffie. Maybe we should discuss this later, in a more...appropriate place. A hospital seems a little morbid, although somewhat fitting, for such a conversation." She nodded vaguely and let her hands slip off my neck, falling back onto the pillow.

"I love you. Probably more than you know." I smiled.

"I love you too, Yuffie. definitely more than you know." We smiled at each other for a minute.

"I suppose I should get the others now." I stood and walked out of the room and took the necessary turns to get to the waiting room. They all looked up with too much hope for my pained face to handle.

"She's awake. She wants to talk to you all." They practically jumped out of their seats and sprinted to her room. I followed behind, breathing tensely to myself and trying to regain control. When I got to her room I chose to wait outside for a couple minutes and leaned next to the doorframe. I could hear their voices inside with varying degrees of emotion. The girls sounded happy and excited that she was alright. Cloud sounded somewhat sad, a little quiet, probably because he sensed exactly what I did. She didn't have much time left. There was no way she could get better. I wanted to hope that there was a way, any way at all, that she would live throug this. But it was better to face the facts and try to deal with them right now then when she had only minutes left. The love of my life...the only person besides Lucrecia that I had ever let in, the only person who _hadn't _let me down, was dying. And knowing that there was nothing I could do was what hurt the most.

I turned and entered the room against my better judgement, seeing them all circled around her bed and Tifa holding her hand as they conversed loudly about what was going to be happening next. Nobody noticed as I quietly walked towards the group.

"I can't wait to get back to your house. I hate this freaking place!" Tifa laughed lightly.

"Yeah, hospitals are the worst." Reno commented dryly. "I had mono once and they kept me in the hospital forever, because they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me." Tifa turned towards him with an accusatory glare. "WHAT! It's all gone now!" She hit him on the arm and he mouthed 'ow'.

"If I get mono, I'm going to kick your _ass."_

I smiled to myself. Yes, Yuffie didn't have much time left. But I was glad that what she did have was the best it could be.

I lef the room, still unnoticed by the others and turned in the hallway. I was going to go back to the waiting room and sit until they came out. A doctor passed me quickly, looking down at a yellow piece of paper on a clipboard and muttering under his breath. I accidentally shouldered him.

"My apologies, doctor." He looked up quickly.

"Oh, no pro-Mr. Valentine?" He picked up glasses from around his neck and squinted at me through them.

"Oh! It is you. I was just about to go look for you."

"Whatever for?"

"It seems that Ms. Crescent has acquired several injuries to critical points in her body. We have her in ICU right now, and I'm afraid that she won't make it through the night. She mentioned vaguely wanting to see you."

Oh. That's...I can't think of what to say. Awful? Surprising? Should I be worried? She had tried to _kill_ Yuffie, for god's sake. I nodded and the doctor motioned for me to follow him to her room. I don't know how much more death I can handle at the moment.

When he showed me to her room and left again, she was on the bed connected to life support. She had her eyes closed and her breathing was erratic and sounded blocked somehow. She seemed concious, but I really wasn't sure.

"She's paralyzed." A nurse looked at me with practiced sympathy in her eyes and motioned towards the bed. "If she survives, she'll never be able to walk again. They shot her up high enough on the back that they penetrated the spinal cord and several of the nerves in her neck. Also, with the hit to the temple, she has some brain damage..." My nod cut her off. I didn't want to hear anymore about how she was dying.

"Is she awake?" The nurse breathed out heavily and glanced at Lucrecia.

"Vincent?" I'll take that as a yes. I looked at her and took a tentative step towards her bed. She blinked a couple times and glared at me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Why isn't Hojo here?"

"Touché." She sighed and it looked like she tried to move her head to the side but couldn't. But really, where _was _Hojo?

"So I guess they told you." She interrupted my thoughts. I nodded and folded my arms across my chest and gave her a good once-over. Bandages around the head, ribcage, and needles weaving their way in and out of her arms and an IV pole. How many chemicals can you pump into a patient and still keep them from overdosing, becoming addicted, or dying?

"I can't believe this." I shook my head at her and walked closer to her.

"How can you not? You brought this upon yourself. I refuse to take pity on a person who brings a gun to an innocent's house and tries to shoot someone." She looked down.

"I'm sorry." She looked sincere enough.

"I don't know whether or not I should forgive you." I mumbled under my breath. She didn't look up. I noticed a bandage over one of her ears. She was deaf in one ear.

"I hope you find some kind of peace, wherever it may be." She looked up with her eyes shining.

"Do you really mean that?" I nodded once. She smiled. It was laced with regret and shame. I couldn't bring myself to fully forgive her, but I didn't want to let her go without knowing that we had mutual neutrality.

"But really, I am sorry. For...everything. And tell Yuffie that I'm sorry too. I took this too far...this is what I deserve...but, I guess it's not that bad. Death seems like a blessing now." I nodded at her again. She was looking past me, at something only she could see.

"Tell Yuffie...t' be careful..."

"...what are you talking about?" Was Hojo planning something? She had to tell me before she went.

"Hojo wants her." I'll kill him. "And I know...just, know, he'll do anything...to get her." He will never lay a hand on her. I swear to myself that I will not let that happen. "So just...look out for her..." Breathing was becoming more of a struggle for her. The nurse was long gone, so it was just the two of us in the room.

"I promise." She nodded once in relief and shut her eyes.

"And Vincent?" she sighed, her voice small and weak like a child's.

"Yes?"

"I want to be forgotten. I want nobody to miss me or think about me ever again. Please promise that you'll have them cremate me and do whatever they want with my ashes. I just want...to disappear." Something inside of me winced at this. She had to be one of the saddest people on the face of the earth.

"I...I promise." She nodded. Her heart monitor slowed down noticeably as she gripped the bedsheets, a strange smile forming over her lips. Then the line went flat. And she was gone. Dead.

I should be upset. But when I looked at her still form, that sad and venemous smile frozen forever on her full lips, I realized something about her. She didn't try to be a bad person. It wasn't her fault. It was just the way she had been taught to live. Between her parents and Hojo, among others, she didn't know any better.

I suppose it was too late for forgiveness, but I reached for her hand anyways and layed mine over top of it.

"I forgive you, Lucrecia." I whispered. I stepped back and left the room as quickly as I possibly could, her face frozen in my mind, her bright eyes shining with tears that she had refused to let escape. And I knew it was the truth. I was learning to let go.

-----

I went back to the waiting room like I had originally planned and sat down, staring at the clock on the wall. Two in the morning. I wondered how long I had been in Lucrecia's room. They had to be done talking to Yuffie by now...

As another minute slowly ticked by, I couldn't stand sitting there and being away from her any longer. Maybe she could go home tomorrow morning. Or, really...later this morning, I suppose. I stood up and made my way to her room, taking my time. Lucrecia's passing was still heavy in the back of my mind. They all had fallen asleep in various chairs in the room, the girls with their respectable men of course. They couldn't stand to be apart. I found it amusing. I looked at Yuffie's bed and found her staring at the ceiling with her eyes slightly glazed over. Maybe she couldn't sleep.

"Hello." She jumped slightly at my voice, but smiled with relief when she saw my face.

"Vincent..." She called me by my real name. Interesting. I took my time in getting to her bed and sat down next to her. She grabbed my arm and closed her eyes lightly.

"I couldn't sleep."

"I figured as much." She smiled and re-opened them, looking more tired than she had before. "You should try to." She shook her head.

"Nuh-uh. I want to be with you."

"I'm not moving." I repositioned myself so that I was laying beside her. I took up a lot of the bed. She giggled and I pulled her on top of me, wrapping my arms around her. I wasn't going to tell her about Lucrecia. It would cause her unnecessary problems. I sighed, finally content, and felt her breathing even out. I gently smoothed my hand over her hair, the fragrance making me somewhat dizzy. It was amazing the power she had over me.

-----

When I woke up, I glanced at the clock on the wall. It read out 7:30. Yuffie was awake, looking with wide eyes at a doctor who was taking the needles out of her arm. I took her hand and she twitched, looking at me with a small amount of relief in her eyes.

"Is she able to go home?" The doctor nodded.

"Yes. She'll need her rest, though. Be sure she stays in bed for the next week or so." I nodded at him. Yuffie hid her face in my chest until he finished and even when he was gone.

"Yuffie." She peeked at me from under her thick eyelashes.

"Yes?"

"Let's wake the others and go home."

"Wait...I need to change." She sat up slowly and stretched, hopping to the floor and almost falling over. I steadied her with my hand and gave her a warning look. She blushed and went to a bathroom I hadn't noticed before to change. I woke each of the others while she was getting ready and they all looked up sleepily.

"We can go home now." They all sighed in relief and stood up. Yuffie popped out of the bathroom and we made our way to the elevators to go to the main desk and check out. Once that was done, Reno led us to his car and we all got in the same way as we had when we went to the carnival. Most of us fell asleep again on the way back.

I was glad we were going home. I would be happy if I never saw another hospital again in my life. When we reached Tifa's house, everybody woke and got out. I carried the still sleeping Yuffie upstairs and set her down on her bed. I would have stayed with her, but I wasn't that tired. I went to the kitchen and sat down at the table while everybody else went to their bedrooms to sleep more. I sighed and rubbed my temples with my hands. The phone started to ring, but I picked it up quickly so nobody would wake again.

"Hello?"

"Hello Vincent. I must admit, as much as I loathe you, it's a relief to hear your voice. It just lets me know that you're alive and I'll still have the pleasure of taking that away from you."

"Hojo. What do you want?" I was seething. He had no right to call.

"I just wanted to let you know, I'm after you. You and Yuffie. You always had what I wanted, Vincent, and now that Lucrecia's gone, I plan on taking away everything you have. That bitch was holding me back."

"I'd like to see you try." I growled.

"Hm. Well, yes, you can try to protect her all you want, but I will get her." And with that, he hung up.

I slammed down the phone angrily. Perfect. Just the icing on top of my nonexistant cake. I refuse to let him hurt her, or anybody else, ever again. I will never let him get her.

Nobody has to know about this. I can take care of him. Nobody in this household needs any more trouble.

Nothing is going to cause any of us pain.

Yuffie deserves better than that right now.

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**A/N: **Oye, that was frustrating. Review. And sorry again for the wait!


	11. When a Dead Man Walks

**A/N:** I must have rewrote the first diary entry for this like, ten times.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own FF7, etc.

* * *

**Sunday, September 2**

**1:30 PM**

"But Vinnieeeee, I _hate _staying in bed!" He reached for me and despite my putting up a fight, which was fake anyway, Vincent pulled me into his arms.

"You heard what the doctor said." I pouted and looked at his face closely. There was amusement in his eyes. So maybe I had snuck out of bed and was about to go outside for fresh air. A little sunshine could do a girl good, you know? But noooo, Vincent _had _to go and ruin it. The only thing I've been doing is sitting in bed and watching reruns. Great. I should write a _book _about my exciting month of bedrest!

"Just one minute. Pleeeeease?!" His resolve was like rock. "You know how much I hate being cooped up in here..." I raised my eyebrows and contined pouting. He sighed.

"YES! VICTORY!" I scrambled to get out of his arms but the hold remained fast. "I'm coming with you. And you need your coat."

"Fine, fine..." Once that was taken care of, he opened the door and we stepped outside. It was so nice! I skipped out onto the sidewalk and stood under the sun motionless.

He made a sound of acknowledgement. I huffed and turned around, reaching a hand out and beckoning him into the light. He smiled from the shadow of the house and walked deliberatley slowly towards me. He grabbed my hand when he reached me and we turned to face the empty street, basking in the sunlight together. I looked at his face again, and something occured to me.

"Vinnie...I have a question. I don't want you to get mad for me asking, but..."

"Go ahead, Yuffie."

"Okay, um...how to word this? Uh..." He waited patiently.

"Why are your eyes red?" I blurted out. To my eternal shock, he laughed.

"Is that all?" I nodded. "I was the test subject in an experimental eye contact. They were supposed to be colored for some movie, but when I put them in they stained my irises. The red never went away." Oh. Is that all? Oh.

"Oh. Does it bother you?" He frowned. I would never figure this man out. First he laughs, then he frowns.

"Somedays. On the bright side, it keeps people away. That bad part is that...well, it keeps people away. Red eyes generally aren't that inviting."

"I think they're _sexy._" I looked up and winked at him, hoping that I wasn't overdoing it. He cracked a smile and almost laughed again. I pushed myself against his chest and pressed as close as possible to him, reveling in the warmth that seeped through his jacket. He put his arms around my back and buried his face in my hair. I practically melted against him when he kissed me neck lightly and drifted downwards. He stiffened slightly and pulled back a little.

"I can only be a gentlemen for so long, Yuffie." He let me go. I pouted at the lack of contact and almost stomped my foot.

"Nobody said you had to be!" I made my way back to the door with mock anger as he followed behind me, his heavy footsteps and laughter ringing in my ears.

**6:14 PM**

There's a plus side to staying in bed for so long. It gives you a chance to figure a lot of things out. Like, what was going to happen to us? With Lucrecia and Hojo in the hospital and all. Was I ever going to go back to New York? How did I feel about Vincent? There was a lot that I had been ignoring, I guess. I didn't realize that there was so much I had unanswered at first. I guess it's good to have a little catch-up time with yourself every once in a while. I knew I wanted to go home eventually before all this happened. That was an easy one to answer. I'm sure that Hojo is fine, and Lucrecia will be in ICU for a little while but I bet she'll recover after a while. And Vincent? I guess...that was one of the harder ones. How was I supposed to go about answering that?

Before this trip, I knew him as my brooding friend with a taste for heartbreakers. He was Vincent Valentine. Red eyes, black hair, pale skin. That was about as far as my knowledge on him went. I almost regret not knowing much about him before. I'm sure he's changed, at least a little bit, but Vincent is Vincent. For all I know he hasn't changed anything about himself since he was 10 years old.

I remember when we first met it was awkward the way that our personalities clashed. He was quiet. I was outspoken. He was tall and angsty. I was short and obnoxious. It was funny how we fit together. In a twisted way we were almost complimentary. But I was afraid of him. And worse than that, I figured: why would a guy like him ever pay attention to me? We were friends and I thought it would never get past that because of our differences.

Of course, he had been with Lucrecia, so maybe I had occasionally compared myself with her. Just a little. Judging from his relationship with her I could hypothesize that he would never like me. She was his type, I was not her, therefore he hated me. Pathetic lovestruck teenage response. Go figure.

So we hung out in groups, never taking the time to get to know one another because it wasn't really important anyway. I figured we had all the time in the world, if we wanted it. He had Cloud and others, I had Tifa and Aeris. We didn't need to be close. But then Tifa calls for this...reunion, and suddenly we are forced back into each others presence again.

It started when he drove into the driveway. He was different, I could tell, and I had a strange want again to get to know him. I talked to him more. I showed friendly affection. He hardly returned it, but sometimes I would catch intense splays of emotion cross his eyes but the hard garnet was back before I could ask him anything about it. In my subconcious, I suppose I was trying to live life to the fullest, finally dig into the shell of the infamous Vincent Valentine, you know. Live a little? But he wasn't really so infamous. Maybe just to me. Does that make me sort of crazy? Here I go idolizing a man that hardly cared for me. Maybe I was just desperate. It hurts to think that but I was, wasn't I? I was so hell-bent on beating this disease that I felt I could defy odds. On top of the world. There's nothing like impending death to make one more daring.

But back to the point, I was starting to get feelings for him. Intentional or otherwise, I was starting to pay more and more attention to him and got stuck with him for everything. I had suspicions in the back of my mind that the whole me-sitting-on-his-lap thing in the car was planned. Damn Reno and his small car. I was nervous the whole ride. It was relaxing, though, to have his arms around me. It felt, good, _right._ I told myself I wouldn't get attached because I couldn't afford to. There's just some things you can't convince your brain. The carnival was one of the worst days of my life. When I saw him talking to Lucrecia, that was when I knew I liked him more than I originally let myself believe I did. I was falling for the one person I knew the least about. The pleasant irony had struck me hard and I enjoyed it.

He was the only one that I went to during the night after I had nightmares. We had "moments" together. I thought things were good. He was the one that apologized after the incident. The only one. Everybody else steered clear, but the one person I figured would try to stay the farthest away had been the only person to talk to me. It stung a little that nobody else tried, but it made it all the more special that he did.

So I guess I didn't know how to react. Same as college, right? But not really. He was taller, spoke more, returned affections (sometimes) and was single. I felt that I had grown up a lot since I last saw him. I wasn't as loud or obnoxious. The underlying childishness still remained, but I knew I had toned down and wasn't so harsh to others when they disagreed with my opinions, or god forbid, gave their own.

I thought we mixed better than before. Less night and day, more like peanut butter and jelly.

And then he kissed me. And it was amazing. I didn't think he returned my affections at all, and certainly not that much. Apparantly he did. So where did that leave us _now_?

Well, I knew he loved me. And I was pretty sure I loved him back. So now there was just the obstacle of _telling _him that...

I mean, if he can do it, why can't I?

**Monday, September 3**

**11:57 AM**

I needed to talk to him. He hadn't come to see me last night before bed, so I didn't know what was up.

I wandered into the kitchen and found him sitting by a window and looking thoughtful. I call it thoughtful. Aeris would call it leave-me-alone-and-let-me-angst-my-heart-out. I like how he looks when he broods. It's cute.

"Hi, Vincent." He looked up and the corner of his mouth lifted slightly. I stood awkwardly and wringed the edge of my shirt around my fingers for a while. He put a finger out and flicked it backwards in a gesture that meant to go to him. I walked quickly, taking a seat on the edge of the window seat and leaning back into him. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"How are you this morning?" I smiled and looked at him. It was a mask. I was a nervous wreck inside. I shouldn't be! He had told me so easily he loved me, yet I was struggling with the words to make them come out right. Dammit!

"You know...just, thinking about stuff..." I'm so bad at this. He frowned like he thought I was thinking of something specific. I wished I could read his mind at that moment.

"Anything in particular?" Well, here goes.

"Just...us. You and me. Um. We?" Niiiiice. Cough. He arched an eyebrow and had a look of relief on his face. Guess that wasn't what he thought I was going to ask. Which means I have a slight upperhand. Yes!

"What about us?" He asked.

Uhhhm. I love you.

"I...I just, wanted to say, uh..." He smiled at me then leaned forward in anticipation. The breath caught in my throat and he kissed me solidly, knocking all thoughts and breath completely out of me. When we parted I had a doofus smile and felt a lot more calm.

"I love you, Vinnie." As soon as I realized what I had said I blushed deep crimson and lowered my face. He had so much control over me. Most of the time I liked it. He put a finger under my chin and brought it up slowly, sweetly, and I reveled in the warm trails of bliss it left where he touched me. He was smiling widely.

"I love you too, Yuffie." He kissed me again, longer this time, and sweeter. Like the kind of kiss you're supposed to get when you admit you love somebody and they love you back. It was better than I expected. I was happy. Life's goooood.

"Why were you so nervous?" He smiled. I cringed.

"I have a hard time opening up to people? I guess." He stroked my face lightly and pulled away from me.

"I'm glad you chose me to open up to, then. I feel like one of a kind."

"Believe me, you are." I smiled in spite of myself and glanced up at his face. He was positively glowing. I enjoyed the look.

"So. You love me." I nodded brightly.

"Yes I do."

"How much?" He waggled his eyebrows. What? He better be joking.

"Vincent Valentine!" I smacked his arm playfully. He chuckled and grabbed my wrists, effectively pinning me to his chest.

"It wasn't intended to offend. Now tell me, darling." Hmm. How to explain this?

"Well...being in love with you...is like being in a funhouse." He raised an eyebrow at the cheesy analogy.

"Stop it, I'm not done! What I mean is the kind that's full of mirrors. It's hard to get around and stuff, you know? And you can't tell where you are, but you're always looking for what's next. It makes you dizzy and a little sick to your stomach because you can't tell what direction your facing sometimes, but you get over it after a while. It keeps you guessing." I smiled and freed my arms.

"I suppose that's a good way of describing love." He pondered for a second more before kissing me lightly.

"And I agree with every word of it." I giggled lightly and squirmed in his arms, laughing as he tickled my neck with his kisses.

**Tuesday, September 4th**

**1:20 AM**

One of the more annoying parts about being sick is that I can't sleep at all

But again. It gives me time to think. Only this time, about god again. I'm wondering what's going to happen after I die.

It hurts still to think that I was...in heaven, and then ripped out because I wasn't ready. In most ways I feel so ready to move on and leave all this behind, but even then... I'd miss everything. I'd like to be there more than anything in the world. In a place completely immersed with light. But I'm stuck here. I hate loving it here.

People say that god has a plan for everybody. I wish I knew what mine was. If I have one. I'm not that special. Maybe he only has plans for certain people. I haven't done anything noteworthy or lifesaving. I'm just a girl. I'm just Yuffie.

I know I affect people. It's hard to tell if I affect them in a good way or bad way. I guess since I have friends and a boyfriend...I'm good enough. And I'm happy enough. I wonder...if all this thinking about god is maybe him getting into my mind and trying to tell me he's there if I need him...or maybe...

I don't know. But I think the least I can say is that I believe there is a higher presence now.

I toss and turn for a few more minutes before throwing the covers down with a sigh. I'm just not going to be able to sleep tonight. Not without Vincent. I quietly slip out of bed and tiptoe across the room. The door is cracked open, so I push it open the rest of the way carefully so it doesn't squeak. And now, just to get to Vincent's door...

Yes. _Yesssss._

I turn the handle quietly and push. The door squeaks and I stop, rolling my eyes. Well, he's awake now. He's such a light sleeper. I sigh again and push the door open the rest of the way, walking in on the balls of my feet toward the bed. I squint in the moonlight at his serene face and one eye cracks open. The red is illuminated and beautiful, like a ruby in sunlight, and I'm momentarily breathless.

"Yes darling?" Goddammit!

"I, um...I couldn't um...sleep...hehehe?" He sits up with a tired groan and moves to the edge of the bed.

"Come here." I gracefully move forward and launch myself into his embrace. He wraps his strong, warm arms around me. Suddenly I'm not so confused. This is where I belong.

He breathes evenly and quietly. "What are we going to do about you?" He murmurs in my ear. The hot breath tickles.

"I dunno, Vinnie." I mumble into his chest as I inhale his scent. He pushes me a little and gets up. I stand by myself for a second dizzy and disoriented. He steadies me with his hand.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"That's the least of your worries."

"Touche." I smile lightly at him and hold his hand. He moves us towards the bathroom connected to his room. Ah. Shower. That should help me relax...but what about him?

I lift myself up and sit on the counter with my feet dangling off. He turns the knobs in the bathtub until the temperature is right and then sets it to shower. I smile sweetly at his back even though he can't see me. He looks up to the ceiling and breathes in the steam, enjoying the heat. He abruptly walks to me and places a large hand on the hem of my shirt. He gently pulls it over my head and I shake out my hair as he slings it behind him onto a rack. He leans forward and softly, so sweetly and lovingly, places his lips on my neck and kisses. I love Vincent Valentine.

I do the honor of taking off his shirt next. I don't have good enough aim to get it onto the rack so I just throw it to the floor. He presses my naked torso against his and kisses feverishly, the contact of our skin sending us both into yearning frenzies for each other. He idly tugs at the elastic on my underwear. I smile lightly and slip out of it for him, dropping onto the floor. He unties his pants and slips out of them and his lips never leave my neck.

I somehow refrain from crying out as he lifts me up onto him and I'm straddling him. So close...

He moves towards the shower and steps in, drawing the curtain. I'm completely taken over by water and his hands as he destroys all negative energy in my body.

**2:45 AM**

After the shower he sent me back to my room. Apparantly I couldn't be in the bed with him after that or he'd take advantage of me. I don't need sleep anyways. At this point I'm thinking more about him than death and the future.

There's a quiet scraping noise at my window. It's a little creepy but there's a big tree right there so I put it off as the branches scraping the window. I pull my cd player out of the bag by my bed and put the headphones on, going back to thinking about Vincent. The scraping stops and there's a small pop. I pause the music, getting more freaked out by the second. Tree branches don't pop the window. I close my eyes tightly and turn away from the window and turn the music up louder. Maybe if I just go to sleep it'll go away. The breath in my throat catches as I feel a breeze hit the back of my neck.

My window wasn't open before...

Before I can even think to scream a cloth is forced over my mouth and im breathing in something strange. Everything gets darker and I'm dizzy as the world slowly fades out...

And being me, of course I'm still thinking of Vincent.

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**A/N:** Review. Wait for the next chapter. Same old, same old. 


	12. Heroes Are Hard to Find

**A/N:** I'm thinking about writing another story. AH, but I'd get distracted, so I'll finish this one and then start it. But it's in the planning stages :D Anyways, this chapter is gonna be kinda short. It's just the prelude to the drama to come.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything final fantasy.!

* * *

Yuffie's gone. Two days ago I woke up and went into her room to wake her up too, and she wasn't there. The window was open and her sheets were tangled, and that was all. The others are panicking and working with police. It's not that I'm panicked...I mean, I am, but not for the same reason the others are. I know Yuffie wouldn't do something irresponsible like runaway, or sneak out and get in trouble. She was tired, she said so herself. I knew she'd be asleep the rest of the night. Which just brings me to the last option: someone took her. And that's why I'm panicking. Because with the call Hojo made recently still fresh in my mind, I'm getting completely irrational and thinking of all the horrid things that he could have done. I know it was him, because he swore he'd get her. 

If only I had stayed with Yuffie that night. I could have prevented this. God knows where she is, what he...that sick, perverse _bastard_ is doing to her...the mere thought of him doing anything to her makes my blood boil.

I rub my eyes out of exhaustion. It wouldn't matter how tired I am, I can't sleep without knowing that she's down the hall, safe and dreaming. Without knowing that I can walk into her room and get into bed with her and hold her until morning. The fact that I know tomorrow will bring another day that I have to live without her physically hurts me. I want her back. I need to see that she's okay. What if she starts having more episodes, and nobody is there to help her? What if the stress makes her...worse? What if...no. I won't let myself think that. I pace back and forth in the living room and try to solve this. We can't just sit here. We have to do something!

I stand up and walk slowly into the kitchen where Tifa and Reno are sitting with a cop who has his eyes glued to a notepad as he asks questions and takes notes. I stand a couple feet behind Tifa and Reno's chairs and cross my arms, listening intently to the conversation.

"When was the last time you saw or heard from...Mr. Hojo?" The cop keeps his face glued to his notes and drawls on in a bored fashion. Why isn't he taking this more seriously? I narrow my eyes and continue to listen.

"He was...he had come to the house, after um...Lucrecia...and they had guns and there was a lot of, uh, threats exchanged and Lucrecia was shot, and Hojo was talking about how he...um, hated Vincent and wanted Yuffie and then Barret knocked him out...with something, I...I can't remember what it was..."

"Yes, I remember that. She died recently from the critical injuries she recieved here, did she not?" I tensed. I figured the hospital would keep confidential information to themselves, but I guess not. I glared openly at the cop now, even though he still didn't notice I was there. I doubt Reno or Tifa did either.

"She did. Who told you?" The cop's head whips up at the new voice in the conversation. Reno flings his head around and lets out a string of curses under his breath.

"And you are?" If looks could kill he'd be dust.

"My name is Vincent Valentine. I spoke with Lucrecia before she died. Which leads me back to the original question...who told you?" The cop manages to look a little shamed and for some unfathomable reason I only grow more frustrated.

"The staff at Jordan Valley and us police work closely in situations like yours. They monitor the patients closely and let us know of any changes that could affect the case." It sounded reasonable enough. Still, he was hiding something. I stepped forward angrily and placed my hands threateningly on the table before him.

"...and?" He was nervous but trying in vain to hide it behind confidence. Idiot.

"I figure, with this guy's girlfriend dead he'd be pissed enough to want revenge." My eyes flamed and I leaned forward until my face was half a foot away from his.

"I'd appreciate it if you took this more seriously. Show some respect." I whispered. His eyes widened and I could see the sweat starting to form on his brow.

"Oh...y-yessir!" I moved back and crossed my arms again. He gulped and set his pencil down for, most likely, the first time since he'd been here.

"What are your leads?" He put his game face on and shuffled the pages in his notes.

"We have Hojo's address. He and Lucrecia were living together before she passed away. I dispatched a team to go and look around today. If you want we can drive over and look around for a bit." He looked at me and waited for my response silently.

Finally, the idiot pulled himself together.

I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure how much looking around the house would help. What would we find? I was sure that Hojo wasn't stupid enough to leave anything behind that would hint to where he was hiding, but the smartest people always made the dumbest mistakes. When I went over the possible options in my mind, I sighed at the limited choices. I could let the cop and everybody else go look and stay here. Definatley not. I could go and look around, even though it probably wouldn't help. Well...it wouldn't hurt. I found myself wishing for what seemed like the millionth time that I had been able to prevent this somehow.

"Let's go."

* * *

The house was trashed. There were pots and pans strewn about the kitchen, complimented with rotting and unrecognizable items. The smell was enough to make me want to turn and go back the way I came, never to return, but I needed to be here. For Yuffie. 

There was a couple of badges walking around taking notes just like the one back at the house, but these looked more serious about the situation. I stepped over something sticky and made my way to the one who looked in charge. She looked at me with a strange glint in her eye as if she had been expecting me.

"Have you found anything?" I asked shortly. Getting to the point would be the easiest way to get out of here fast. She looked around and made a quick mental assessment.

"Nothing that would be extremely useful, but there have been little things. If you piece together the clues you can tell that the two were having relationship problems. It seems that the girl slept on the couch and the man in the bedroom. The blinds are dusty, it seems like they haven't been opened in a long time...and the fridge has a lot of alcohol in it...all in all, I'd say that there was something bad going on. Or maybe they just liked a dark, nasty house when they got their drink on." I almost smiled but pushed the humor back.

"And regarding to Miss Yuffie...there was a note." My eyes flicked to her in an instant.

"May I see it?" She reached in her pocket and pulled out a worn and yellow piece of paper. She handed it to me and it felt like acid on my fingertips. This note could be the key to everything, or it could just be a taunt that didn't help at all. I unfolded it slowly and scanned the page.

_To whomever it may concern:_

_Let me start by saying that I told you so. I told you that I always get what I want_

_and that I wanted Yuffie, so it was only natural that this would happen. You might_

_as well not even bother searching the house, I was sure to cover my tracks quite_

_well. I am giving no ransom for Yuffie, that would be stupid seeing as I went to all_

_this trouble to attain her and no money could ever give me what she can. _

I growled in anger. What the hell did he plan to do with her? My fury grew to monstrous volumes as I forced my eyes back to the paper.

_Anyways, after you're done trying to search this dump for clues, you can all go home_

_and rest knowing that this was another kidnapping that you failed to solve. You're not_

_going to find her and I'm not going to give her up. Now that the stupid bitch is finally_

_dead, I have nothing standing in my way of being happy with Yuffie. Farewell._

_P.S. Expect to hear from us shortly._

Another kidnapping? Hojo was sick. He was sick, deranged, and when I got my hands on him he was going to die.

"Can I...have the note back?" The cop squeaked as I almost set fire to the paper with my eyes. I thrust my arm out at her in an attempt to get rid of the horrid reality that was slowly dawning on me. No matter what I did, the truth was still there and still alarmingly real. Hojo had Yuffie. And he was hurting her, no doubt. How far would the man go before he killed her? My stomach clenched and twisted into unfamiliar knots as I tried to forget what was happening. I sucked in breath after breath, still knowing all too well that there was nothing I could do. But I had to keep trying. I wasn't going to let Yuffie go, but if he wanted a fight then that's what I was going to have to give him.

This was too confusing and real for me to handle at the moment.

"Were trying to figure out what he meant by 'another kidnapping' but we're still not sure. There haven't been too many abductions in this area, and the ones that had happened were taken care of rather quickly." I nodded numbly and gave the room another 180 before turning back to her.

"I suppose he's going to be contacting us soon?"

She shook her head in a confused manner.

"I'm not sure what he meant by that, either. It could mean a number of things, not just contact." I shuddered.

And that was it. I turned to leave the building already having had my fill of reality when I woke up. I had to fix this. I had to save her. After all the saving she had done for me, I at least owed her that.

* * *

**A/N:** So there. Please review. 


	13. Hurt

**A/N: **Looking back on the first several chapters of this fic...uhm wow? Anyways, this is a fast chapter I got done. You know how it goes.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything Final Fantasy.

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**Tuesday, September 8th**

There's something about waking up on the floor that irritates me. It's hard and smells like the rubber from shoes and it's too cold. It leaves uncomfortable bruises on inconvenient areas of your body. It's like an unforgiving hand that holds you but makes no effort to comfort you. The cold surface I am currently strewn across proves no different than any other floor. I press lightly against a purple mark on my hip where it was resting on the stone all night. I remove my hand and hold it to my aching stomach and put another against my throbbing head feeling a migrane coming on. What happened? All I remember was trying to sleep and then the window being open. I lightly finger the shirt I'm wearing while creasing my forehead in thought. I look up and survey the room for the first time since waking up and notice that there isn't much light, sans the flickering flourescent bulb on the ceiling. The floor is gray and unwelcoming. The walls are a dirty off-white and splashed with something I don't dare try to identify. There are rotting wood stairs on the wall farthest from me. I stand up warily and sway with dizziness.

Where the hell _am _I?

I think harder about the previous night. I sort through all the memories of Vincent and think about what happened while I was in bed. I had put on music in hopes that it would put me to sleep. I felt the breeze. I woke up here. It was all connected and I struggled to piece it together. After the shower, Vincent told me to go straight to bed. I went straight to bed. What could have happened? I thought my hardest, making my head pound worse than before.

The window...

I gasp and choke on the too-quick breath as the door at the top of the stairs begins to jiggle. I start to panic and back myself into a corner, putting my hands out defensively.

Someone kidnapped me.

What to do, what to do... I rack my brain for ways to get out of here, anything to avoid whoever (or _whatever)_ may be behind the door. I feel like crying and I shake from head to toe praying to whoever may be listening that I'll be okay. I hold my breath as the door is slammed open and a person walks slowly down the wooden steps. Their feet make heavy bangs and I wince everytime they touch a stair. I can't see their face without the light. I try to even my breathing and fail miserably.

"It seems that you woke up." A nasaly voice sneers from across the room. I know the voice. I hate the voice.

"H-hojo!" I stuttered angrily. I'm in deep shit. He walks closer and starts babbling but I block him out. The others have to be looking for me. The authorities are probably involved by now and they'll find me soon. I am frightened, alone, and utterly confused as to why I am here. The fear overrides everything as he is suddenly a foot away from me. I should be paying attention.

I try to lunge out of the way to get to the other side of the room but he's faster. Calloused fingers lock around my biceps with a death grip and he shakes me violently.

"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING! RESPOND WHEN I TALK TO YOU!" Tears well up in my eyes at his loud voice but I hold them back. He peers closely at me and looks like he's going to kiss me. I thought I was going to be sick as a tear streamed down my cheek. His gaze softens to an almost human level and his grip lessens, although he still won't let me go.

"Don't cry. You'll learn to like it here with me, over time...just like Lucrecia did." I start to panic again at his words and thrash about in hope of escaping. He wraps one arm around my waist and drags me across the room to a chair I didn't notice before. He shoves me down and somehow holds my wild body as he takes a rope and straps me to the chair. I scream as loudly as I can and stand up, trying in vain to run around but falling to the flloor. He holds the chair down painfully with his foot and ties my feet to the chair to prevent anymore escape opportunities.

I don't know how much longer I can last like this. He picks me up and slaps me, startling me out of thinking. I cry silently and press my cheek into my shoulder to ease the sting. He takes the opportunity to stick a piece of duct tape over my chapped lips. I start to freak out again. I rub against the bindings and cause the skin to become raw. I feel myself topple and fall over again. I have no way out. He has completely trapped me in a dank room in some godforsaken place and all I can think is that I'm going to die.

"Stupid girl. Shouldn't have rocked around. Now I'm going to leave you like that." I look up at him with hatred burning in my eyes.

"Although..." He smirks and puts a hand to his chin in thought.

"Your energy will prove quite useful later on." He laughs when I start to wrestle with my ropes again and leaves the way he came, slamming the door. I cry and scream until I my throat might burst if I continue. I doubt anyone heard me.

I doubt anyone will hear me for a long time.

* * *

I lost track of the date. I know what the general time of day is because of when I sleep. But it bothers me. Mostly I stare at the wall and count the cement blocks. I think a lot about Vincent, too. I miss him. I hope he's looking for me. I hope he can forgive me for what Hojo is doing. I glance down at my pale, bony legs and think nothing of it. I'm getting used to the abuse. That scares me.

I vaguely remember drinking a glass of water and a funny-smelling piece of chicken this morning, but it wasn't enough to fill me up. It stopped being enough a while ago.

He's killing me. Slowly but surely. How many times have I written that exact phrase in these pages?

Is that a sign that I'm going insane?

It is isn't it.

Suddenly, a bright and intense light fills the room and I'm momentarily blinded. I guess the idiot replaced the lightbulb. I hear him coming down the stairs and my gaze darkens intensely. I bend my head in mixed shame and anxiousness as my tangled hair hides my face. I don't want him to look at me with his daringly probing eyes. It messes me up.

"I have a proposal for you, darling." I shudder at his icy tone and push my cheek into my shoulder as if I've been slapped again. He walks in front of me and brushes away my hair with grimy fingers.

"Don't touch me." I mumble. It was mostly to myself. He wouldn't care if I was screaming for mercy.

"And why would I listen to you? Seeing as your the one tied to a chair, I'm feeling a little disinclined to honor your request." He snickers and fists my hair into his grasp. I gasp and my head jerks up as he bends his own backwards in laughter.

"I hate you!" I spit out at him recklessly.

"Do you, now? It doesn't make a fucking difference what you feel for me, it's _going_ to change. Since we're stuck together for awhile I'd even _recommend _that you change your views!" He yanks my hair painfully and tears spring up in the corners of my eyes. I try my hardest to push them back. I don't want him to see me cry ever again. "You should learn your place, Yuffie." I was too upset to realize that he used my actual name.

"Anyways..." He pushes me away forcefully to face the stairs. "Back to my plan." I'm sure I'm going to love this one. "I bet your pathetic friends miss you and they'd like to see you." My heart jumps into my throat. Is he saying...? "So...I thought we could make them a little video. To show that you're alright. Nothing too big, just a little, you know..." My heart dissolves and is replaced by my stomach. "Reassuring." He smiles crookedly and advances towards me.

What does he mean? I'm too distracted to notice him grabbing the back of the chair and dragging me up the stairs and through the door. Will I get to see their faces again? We stop in the middle of a dusty room with straw on the floor and a couple broken mirrors in the corner. There's a faded sign with a giant clown on it that I can't read but I brush it off at first. I cringe as he brings in a tv with a little camera on top and sets it up. So it _is _going to be two-way. I hang my head and hide again. It's my new favorite way to greet people.

"Don't look so dejected. Is that really how you want these idiots to remember you?" I tremble and keep my face down. I don't know how I haven't broken down yet. I've been here for god knows how long and it still hasn't hit me yet. There's a strange sickly-sweet smell in the atmosphere. It's almost exactly how the...wait a minute. Am I...? He does something I'm not paying attention to and the tv flickers to life. The view is of a messy office with no windows and a bulliten board. I see a picture of me pinned to the center and lots of little things branching from it. There's a lone police officer drinking coffee and writing something down.

There's distant footsteps from the speakers. There is a knock on the door and the police looks up with a sigh. She opens it quickly and ushers in the guests.

I start to cry at seeing the newcomers. Hojo is watching me with a sick smile and his finger is poised over the connect button. Vincent, Tifa and Reno are standing with vastly different looks on their face as they're offered seats.

"I took the liberty of calling ahead to make sure they'd be here when we were...broadcasted." He laughs heartily as I sob and try to shrink into myself. He pushes the button and holds his ground.

I can hear my breath echoing through my chest with every painful intake. Time seems to stop as I reside in my own world of pain. I want the earth to open up and swallow me. I want to curl up into a little ball and never open my eyes. But I can't. I open my eyes and look up slowly to the screen.

Vincent looks as if someone has taken his heart and blown it up. I cringe and tears stream down my cheek as I stare at him. He tries to keep his face blank and fails, his brow furrowing with pain. Hojo clears his throat and walks to my chair. He stands behind it and starts to smooth down my hair. His fingers trail down to my lips and he brushes his fingers over them. I close my eyes and whimper softly. I have never felt so violated and alone.

"Get your hands off of her." I hear Vincent snarl from the camera. I look through my blurry vision and am hit with a wave of his bloody eyes. He looks so pissed that he could burn a hole right through Hojo's head with his gaze.

"No." Hojo replies leisurely. Before Vincent can snap back Tifa takes her turn, effectively silencing him.

"What do you want?" She asks tentatively with tears on her face. Hojo stops caressing my lips with his fingers for a second. I sigh in relief but am hit with a wave of nausea as he puts his index finger on my tongue and presses my mouth shut. I squirm and make noises of discomfort but my bindings are as tough as ever.

"I want to hurt you." I choke and struggle. "I want you to see her before I _really_ mess her up. Can't you thank me for giving you one last chance to talk to your dear Yuffie? She's mine as soon as this connection is broken." Tifa sobs and Vincent stands up threateningly and advances towards the camera. Reno holds him back and almost has his nose broken for the efforts.

I use the distractions to bite down on Hojo's fingers, hard. He yanks his hand out of my mouth and I spit at his feet. I shake with emotion.

"I'm not yours." I whisper. Hojo looks at me angrily.

"What was that, bitch?"

"I"M NOT YOURS!" I scream with all the strength I can muster. He hits me in the stomach. I cough and start to panic as blood appears on my white legs. The stark contrast frightens me more than the situation does. "I hate you!" I scream. I hack more blood onto the ground and bare my red teeth at him.

"You need to learn when to shutup!" He turns to the camera with a glare and adresses Vincent. "Do you see this? This is what stupid people get. Don't be stupid like her and try to find us. I can guarantee you never will!" He turns and hits me one more time for good measure and I find myself bending over and bleeding freely.

"STOP IT!" I hear Tifa's hysteric voice one last time before I shut my eyes. She continues screaming in the background as Vincent says his final, angry words.

"You're going to die." He promises.

Hojo smiles cruelly.

"We'll see, Mr. Valentine. We'll see." I open my lips and build up a glass shattering scream that lets loose right before Hojo cuts the connection.

And then the darkness comes.

* * *

**A/N: **Don't sue for character cruelty! I had to break the diary theme for a while again. I bet you can understand why. 

REVIEW PLEASE!!


	14. Back For More

**A/N: **So my inspiration for this chapter was Our Sick Story (Thus Far) by _Atreyu_. It's a cool song. Give it a listen if you like their stuff. Sorry for taking so long to get this out. Cheerleading and school are eating my soul. Enjoy this anyways! It's like an epilogue for whats to come.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything Final Fantasy.

* * *

Anger was the first thing I felt. I slammed my fist onto the table as the cop stepped backwards. Her scream was still echoing in my ears as I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. It had been days, maybe a week, and I still couldn't forget the blood on her legs or the hate in her eyes. I knew she was alive. But she was in pain. That much was obvious.

"H-He...said that it should b-be s-s-soon..." I tried to be calm. Anymore of this and I would pop a blood vessel. Hojo was playing games. He called and said he wanted to show us Yuffie again. The police said he seemed...almost excited on the phone. He was sick and deranged. I wanted to take my hands and squeeze his neck until every bone snapped...

My eyes widened in surprise as a piece of the table broke off into my hand. I stood and pulled a shaky hand through my hair. It was too fast and too jerky to do anything but rip some out.

"How soon?"

"This afternoon, h-he said...but I, um..." Red eyes flashed and collided with shaky green ones.

"Yes?"

"He wanted you to specifically...to specifically be there...because he s-said he had something important t-to show you..." I nodded and looked out the window. If he wanted me to be there...

Then he was going to get just that.

* * *

"What do you fucking want from me?"

Hojo's sick laugh bubbled from the television speakers and encircled the room. Yuffie was sitting in a chair in a nasty white t-shirt looking more unhealthy than she ever had in her life. She had dark bruiselike circles under her eyes, like she had just recovered from a broken nose. Her skin was chalky white and bruised. Her bones protruded sharply in ways that looked uncomfortable to me to the point that I shuddered. She looked lost and her blue lip shivered with every breath she took.

"I want...for you to watch." I was about to retort with a threat when he bent down and placed his lips on Yuffie's. Every inch of my skin crawled as I watched goosebumps pop up on her skin. She didn't thrash and she didn't blink, she just sat there. I wanted to yell for her to do something, anything, to get him away from her. What was she doing...?

When Hojo pulled away he wasn't smiling anymore. His eyes were glued to Yuffie's face in bitter disappointment.

"It would be better if you showed some kind of...emotion, darling..." My mouth snapped shut and I glared at him. "It would be best to keep that in mind." He kissed her once more and she snapped her leg up between his own. He broke away with a snarl and clutched at his groin. "You're going to regret that!" He said with a hiss of pain. I watched silently as he slapped her across the face and left a red welt. There was a bruise already forming on her cheekbone as she looked to the ceiling in defeat.

"This is the way it ends, Vincent. You watch her give up while I win. I will always win." Hojo pointed an accusing finger at Yuffie. "She is the only one at fault here. She begged for it."

She did not. I knew that for a fact. She would never...

"I couldn't just keep myself from her." He laughed demonically. "Any last words, anybody, before I cut the connection? For the last time, might I add. Make it count."

I tried so hard. But I couldn't speak.

"Being in this place..." Yuffie's soft voice alerted everybody who was listening. It cracked painfully on the first words. The dead look in her eyes was ominious and frightening. "It makes me feel like...I'm sinning." I furrowed my brow. Sinning...clown picture...

"It makes my head spin like i never know where i am or what im going to get." I inhaled sharply and looked at her with a profound happiness that could have lit up the sky. I knew where she was.

Yuffie smiled hesitantly. "It keeps me...guessing." She knew that I knew. The silence stretched on for years as we stared at each other.

"Are you done?" Hojo sneered at Yuffie and she looked at him carefully.

"We're done."

"Thank god. Good luck finding her body, Vincent." Hojo turned off the camera for the last time as I smiled to myself. Yuffie mouthed words to me that ignited hope in my chest like fire.

_I'll be waiting for you._

"I'm coming, baby." I whispered to myself.

"I'm coming."

* * *

Review.


	15. My Last Breath

**A/N:** 6 chapters left after this one.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything Final Fantasy.

* * *

The echo from slamming the door sends shudders up and down my spine in heavy vibrations. I'm more cold than I have been in a long time. The fingerprint bruises on my body are dusk-colored and painful. The scratches on my skin are deep and seem to go on forever. My stringy hair is hanging in a chalky white face and there is a sour smell in the basement. But I'm smiling. Everything, my body, the injuries on it, are all temporary. I may be scarred inside, but time heals everything. I know I'll live, because I saw the look on his face. I knows he's coming for me because of the way my favorite smile of his tugged at the corner of his lips when I spoke. I know because I deserve more than a cold, sunless basement to die in. Especially after all I've been through.

I throw my head back and breathe deeply. The stench burns my nose but I'm blessed with oxygen. It reassures life. But then I choke and heave forward, the familiar, fleshy red spattering onto my legs. They're stained a brilliant vermilion, along with the ratty t-shirt I wear. I breathe shakily now that the smile is wiped off of my face. I'm going to live. Just to die in a hospital. A dizzy spell washes over me like the ocean and I tug repeatedly at my bindings. The skin is torn and infected and the joints are weak.

In a matter of minutes I've gone from reassured to giving up. I'm about to close my eyes and sleep for eternity when I hear the doorknob jiggle on the lone door. I'm curious because Hojo said he was going to get something from the store, but terrified that it's something worse. The person struggles for a minute and then all is quiet. I breathe a sigh of relief.

Suddenly the door shatters and wood chips fly all around me. The hinges fly past my head and bury themselves in the wall. I open my eyes and look up. A wave of black and red flashes before my face before I'm engulfed by warm arms. Tears stream down my face as I bury my head into Vincent's shoulder.

"I thought I was going to die, Vincent..." I sob. He holds my face against his and kisses me solidly.

"I will always come back for you. Even if you feel like you're lost and you have no hope left I will always find you," I nod solemnly and bask in his warmth. He pulls away quickly and goes to the back of the chair to untie my hands. "We're lucky Hojo isn't here. We need to leave as soon as possible." I nod with wide eyes as my hands are freed. I run a shaky hand through my hair and grit my teeth as I run into knots. Vincent comes from behind the chair to stand in front of me. He looks me up and down with sorrowful eyes.

He looks over my face and grimaces at the lack of color. I wince as his eyes run over the purple marks over my neck and collarbones. He can't see half of what is under the t-shirt but he does see the horribly raw circles around my wrists. He doesn't bother to look any lower but rushes forward and wraps his arms around me with care. I grip him back with whats left in my bony arms and breathe in the sweet scent of his hair. I am found.

He grabs my hand and pulls me towards the door. He yanks it open and sprints into the hallway. It's dark and dank and the sky through the window is the ominous blue before a rainstorm. The hallway has peeling wallpaper and smells worse than the basement. I pull a hand up to my nose to block the scent. Vincent struggles with the window while I gag. It's stuck fast and won't budge an inch. He curses and grabs my hand as he moves quickly to the next hallway. This appears to be the living room. There's three dusty windows and a door. I rush to the door while Vincent continues to struggle with the windows. I tear up when I find that every exit in the room is locked.

"Vinnie..." He turns with frantic eyes and wraps an arm around my shoulders.

"It's alright. The police we're following me. Either way, we're getting out of here," I nod and place my cheek against his chest. I may be found but I'm not rescued. Not quite yet.

Both of us freeze when we hear a clicking sound from the door. It sounds like a person fidgeting with keys. I breathe spasmodically and fist Vincen'ts shirt into my hand.

"We need to hide," He whispers to me. I nod and he leads us back through the hallway and the door slams open. Hojo is behind us but thankfully oblivious to what's going on. He shoves me behind a chair and races down the hallway. I hold my breath when he turns the corner and wait.

Hojo is humming to himself as he throws his keys somewhere and puts his bags down. I hear him approaching my hiding spot quickly. If I stay where I am now, there's no way he won't see me. I stand up and try to run but am quickly captured by Hojo.

"Where do you think you're going?" His pungent, hot breath is on my ear as I cry out.

"Get off of me!" I fling my leg up between his but he's too fast and I miss my target by inches. He grabs my hair and pulls.

"WHERE IS HE!" I bite my lip and look to where Vincent ran. I hear heavy footsteps of boots as he turns the corner. "Ah..." Vincent walks in a threatening manner until I'm close enough to touch him. Hojo backs up and drags me with him.

"Let her go," My captor smiles evilly.

"Why would I do that?" A flash of blue and red wash over Vincent's features as he walks closer.

"..."

"You found her...but you still lose Vincent!" I watch the color flash on his face and hold my breath.

"...You'll be sorry..." The breath leaves my lungs as Vincent grabs me around the middle and simultaneously blocks Hojo from hitting him. He pushes me to the side where I huddle on the floor, free of danger for the moment. The two continue to fight until Vincentsnaps his wrist like a twig. Hojo cries out and falls to the floor, breathing heavily. Vincent turns his back on the fallen man and walks towards me with an outstretched hand. I reach for it and stand up, with help, as he pulls me to him and I am lost in his sweet scent. The door is suddenly busted open with a loud crack and I hear shouting.

My eyes pop open at the burst of noise as Hojo cackles maniaclly at the police. He stands and begins to stumble blindly down the hallway. I am ripped from Vincent's arms as he rushes to a cop and pulls out his gun, turning and taking careful aim. My eyes widen in panic as I realize what I'm about to witness. The muscles in my trachea begin to spasm violently and I reach for my throat. The coughing begins again as my already stained hands are coated with a fresh sheet of red.

The last thing I remember is the loud popping sound of a bullet as darkness pulls me under.

* * *

You know the feeling you get when you're so peaceful that you could sleep for eternity? It feels like happy and fleece and sunshine all over and you can barely contain how content you are? That's what unconciousness feels like right now. I figure I'm in the deepest part of my subconcious where nothing can reach me. I'm so deep inside of myself that I cannot resurface. I open my eyes and take in the glassy water that I float on top of and the pure blue sky. There is a fine mist that clouds my vision for a moment as I breathe deeply. It takes only moments to put two and two together and figure out that something is wrong.

How can I open my eyes if I am unconcious?

I glance at my hands and find them clean of blood. I run them up the smooth skin of my stomach, the wiry muscle visible instead of ribs. I am completely naked. I sit up and find I don't need to tread water as I examine my surroundings again. Directly in front of me are clusters of unbearably beautiful girls standing near the surface. They giggle and gossip with each other as I try to sink into the water. I notice small things about them one by one.

The first girl has striking eyes and a purple dress that hugs her curves. It's short and flared at the ends and I watch as her eyes raise to the sky and she blinks at the clouds. The girl whispering in her ear has a deep, navy dress that reminds me of funerals. The way it curls over her collarbones and up her neck in thick, lacy patterns makes my heart ache. She speaks frantically as tears pour from her icy, blue eyes and she smiles sadly. I shiver and grip myself tightly at the torrent of emotions that the vision brings on.

The next two girls stand casually, the first in a slinky yellow number that shows more than it covers. Her bright laughter pulls me in and I find myself drawn closer to the crowd as she speaks smoothly and fingers a strand of wavy blonde hair. Her companion is dark and graceful with a cautious stance and thickly muscled legs. Her hollow and haunted eyes are glued to the girl next to her.The next three disturb me to the point that it makes me want to turn away, but I can't. There are two that look exactly the same, except for their mouths. One pair is full and a bright shade of pink while the other is thin and pursed. They are dressed in perfectly matching green dresses that flow to the floor. They argue in unison with the girl next to them. She wears a thick, ruffled, white dress and her hair is such a brilliant shade of red that it puts poppies to shame. She stands carefully and her arms are slightly spread outwards as if she is reaching for something.

The last one outdoes all the others. Her incredible height shocks me. The deep crimson of her dress is patterned with roses and it reaches up around her neck, leaving the halter to expose the creamy white of her skin. Her arms are long and thinly muscled. Her face is calm and tight as she looks on to the others. Her warm, brown eyes crinkle at the corner as her white smile blinds me.

I am unsure who the girls are and I have no idea how to approach them. They don't seem bad, and briefly I wonder if I'm dead as I begin to swim towards them. Their voices get louder and I hear chunks of conversation as the water disappears behind me.

"...disease is eating away at her..."

"...what did you expect?!"

"...but the man was a threat..."

"...hinders the progress..."

I cough as I am close enough for them to hear me and open my mouth.

"Excuse me!" They all pause and look at me with curious eyes. "Who are you?" I ask loudly. I don't know if they can hear what I'm saying because they all still look like they think I'm crazy. "I _said,_ who are-"

"We heard, dear," The one in the white speaks. Her smooth voice shocks me into silence.

"We cannot tell you who we are," The girl in the purple turns to me. Her eyes still me further and I can't breath. Have I been breathing at all this whole time?

"You should leave..." The girl in blue chokes on her tears as she whispers to me solemnly.

"Don't be such a downer!" The yellow girl laughs. "See, look...she's scared of us now!"

I shake my head. No, not scared...awed.

"Time to go home, darling..." The girl in red steps forward and all the others are quiet.

"Home...?" I mumble.

"Yes home...we'll see you soon..." She blinks down at me and smiles as darkness blots out the sky and I cry out.

* * *

I scream loud enough to shatter glass as I sit up in the bright white room. I stop and breathe heavily as I look at my hands, not stained crimson but a light pink color. The hospital dress covers my skin and I show no signs of being wet. The visions of the girls haunts me as I look around for something, anything familiar. Was it a nightmare? Everything felt so real...even down to the tears of the navy blue girl. I heave as I fall back onto the bed and look at the ceiling. Tears form in my eyes. I was so happy there...

"Yuf...fie?" Vincent is standing in the doorway, his hand clutching the wooden frame as he looks on apprehensively. Who could blame him?

"Vinnie..." I mumble quietly and reach out to him. He walks to me without hesitation and grips my hands as I pull him to me. His large frame engulfs me and I realize that I'm not healthy like I was in my concious. I'm sickly and too thin and my skin is still stained red and pasty. He clings to me like a life force and I breath shakily through my damages lungs. I don't know how much more I can take.

He pulls away and looks at me. "What...did you have a nightmare?"

"No...I had a dream." I smile somewhat, although the tears still come, and he is confused. "There were these girls...nine of them..."

I completely clam up as there is a knock on the door and a doctor opens it quietly. Something tells me nobody else should ever know about them.

"Kisaragi, Yuffie?" I sigh and nod.

"Yes, sir." Vincent squeezes my hand and his ruby eyes bore into me. _We'll talk later._

"We gave you more treatment while you were unconcious, but it seems that the transfusions are becoming...ineffective." I furrow my brows. Maybe the sudden lack of iron is giving me weird dreams? Doubt it. There is no way my crazy drugged up brain could come up with that.

"And?" I prompt.

"There...isn't much time left." Vincent stiffens against the wall where he leans, his arms crossed. He looks at the wall, his eyes blank.

"Oh..." I breathe. I knew this was coming. I am prepared. Aren't I? I don't feel the familiar sadness that the though of death brings on. Instead, I feel relief for the prospect of no more pain. I reach into myself and pull forward confidence that isn't my own.

"Okay. Thank you, doctor...?"

"Doctor Zel. And I-"

"I'd like to go home now," I say. I sneak a glance at Vincent, his face unmoving, his body still against the wall. "To...be with my friends. Please?" The doctor nods his consent and picks up the clipboard off the edge of my bed. He flips the papers around for a while before looking back at me. I notice how blue his eyes are as he smiles and nods to me.

"You're free to go."

He leaves the room and I am stuck with his words echoing through my head.

I'm free.

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah, took me long enough. Review! If it's confusing, sorry...hopefully it won't be in the future. 


	16. Why You'd Want to Live Here

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it.

* * *

New York is exactly as I imagined it. The streets are dirty, the skies are gray and everything is cold. I don't know what Yuffie sees in the hustle bustle of neverending traffic. But she is happy, and for that I will endure this. 

We are all stuffed into a taxi riding back from the airport to Yuffie's flat. She stares mindlessly out the window and rests her head on small hands. Her wrists are still too thin to look healthy, but there is a pink tint to her cheeks. She is quieter than she used to be but I couldn't expect any less. I am surprised she even talks at all. I want to know what Hojo did...but refuse to ask. She does not need to remember anymore. Not after the interrogations she was put through.

I don't know what I'm going to do without her. After she...

_I won't say it._

What then? I will be the old me. The shell. With nobody. Time will drag on and I won't be able to die soon enough. I don't want to live like that.

When Yuffie had the attack and was in the hospital they told her she was dying. Soon. I have somehow pushed this detail to the back of my mind but it keeps bubbling up to the surface, refusing to stay buried. What am I supposed to do when she is gone? By now, she is my life. I cannot imagine not waking up to her face. I can tell she ignores this too, but every once in a while when she thinks I'm not looking, I see it on her face. She is not scared. She is not prepared. But she is accepting it. I want to be proud of her for her strength, but at this point...she looks broken.

What am I supposed to do now? I've killed someone. I'm in no legal trouble, seeing as it was self-defense, but what do people think? I have another's blood on my hands. Even if he was a bad person. Everytime I touch her all I'm going to think about is dirty hands on her skin. All the bruises will fade, and the scars over time, but I cannot forget where they are. I look at her so often that I have memorized their locations. Yuffie has not brought any of this up yet and for that I am thankful. What happens if she decides she doesn't want me anymore? What if my dirty hands aren't good enough for her?

I'm wondering how the housing arrangements will work out. Cloud and Aeris will stay in the same room, as will Tifa and Reno, and Cid and Barret will probably have their own rooms or a couch...

I want to stay with Yuffie. But I do not want to impose. What if she wants time to herself? To cope with the news, to cope with what has happened? Maybe I should leave her alone for a while. For her sanity. But I want her...to need me. To get better.

"What's up, Vince?" I turn to find her looking up at me sweetly. The shine in her stormy colored eyes makes me forget what I was thinking about.

"Just thinking."

"About what?" I keep my face carefully blank. I'm lost as to what to do about her.

"..."

"..."

I sigh.

"...you."

_This is so much more...than you can comprehend..._

-----

Once inside, Yuffie motions for me to follow her into what I assume is her bedroom. When we get there she takes her bags and throws them onto the bed and grabs mine. I watch silently as she places them on a dresser and she breathes deeply with her back turned. I guess this means we're sharing a room. She turns with sudden enthusiasm and smiles at me. The corner of my mouth twitches upwards into what only she could recognize as she saunters towards me and places wiry arms around my neck. She rises onto her tiptoes and kisses me soundly as I wrap my arms around her middle. I engulf her completely and for a couple moments we are lost to each other. When she pulls away and drops back to the gound my face is blank once more.

"Love you." She mumbles into my chest.

"Love you." I breathe.

_What if I'm not ready?_

-------

I open my eyes to find that I am submersed in water. How...did I get here? The last time I checked it was close to midnight and I had fallen asleep next to Yuffie in her bed.

_Yuffie..._

My eye twitches as I breathe in a mouthful of water and don't choke. What was I, some kind of fish now? This was odd.

_Maybe I'm dreaming._

Ah. Dreaming. The dreamworld was as good as any to think. I seemed to be doing far too much thinking nowadays, but it couldn't be helped. I had thought for hours on end before I could get to sleep and still hadn't come to a conclusion about what to do. There was nothing wrong with Yuffie on the outside, at least. Other than physical attributes that could be blamed by sickness. I wish I knew what she was thinking. If I could just know what she wanted from me...maybe this would be easier. Does she want...me? Does she secretly want me gone? I would ask her but it would just make things awkward. Which we don't need. But she said she loved me...

I curl into a ball and come face to face with pale skin. I flex my hands and look at myself.

...When did I take off my clothes? I am more confused than ever. I look up to see the slightly purple sky outside of the water. I swim quickly and efficiently to the top and break the surface. The water is tinged pink as far as I can see and there is deep green grass in front of me. I narrow my eyes and sink into the water until just my eyes show. There are two women on the shore sitting on a gold loveseat and drinking from teacups. The first smiles seductively as my eyes clash with hers and winks at me. The woman next to her hits her on the arm and frowns. They are both wearing dresses and have something special about them that I can't quite place...

"Hello." My eyes snap back to the first woman as I look her up and down apprehensively. Her attire looks like a rather ugly gray piece of cloth that she just threw over her body to hide herself. Her skin is dull and also seems quite gray. Her eyes are a deadened charcoal black and her dull blonde hair is limp and tangled around her shoulders.

"...Who are you?" She smiles and bows her head. Her smile is all she has going for her.

"My name is Freyja." She replies casually.

"I did not ask your name. I asked who you were." The woman next to her looks between us in an annoyed fashion.

"That is quite enough, Freyja. You know what must be done."

"What? What must be done?" I was so confused.

"Don't worry, Vincent...you're just dreaming." She looks at me through her lashes and an image of a breathtakingly beautiful girl flashes before my eyes. Her dark hair cascades over her shoulders and curls perfectly to frame her face. Her smile is familiar... I reach an arm out, feeling as though I am losing something, even though I am not sure what it is.

_This feels too real...to be a dream..._

"You can't protect her forever." Freyja breathes. My eyes widen.

"Stop right this instant! You-"

"Oh, hush up, Coventina. He needs to know."

"What? What do I need to know?"

"Her time has almost come. Be prepared..." As I am about to question the strange woman's sanity, everything is sucked up into a swirling vortex and spit back out into reality.

-----

I shoot up in bed with a light sweat on my chest. I breathe deeply and push the hair out of my eyes. Yuffie is curled up against a pillow on the far side of the bed. She must have subconciously sensed my nightmare because usually she would be pressed up against me. I lay back down with a sign and wipe my forehead. It wasn't really a nightmare, was it? The women...they seemed like they wanted to help me. Freyja, at least. I hope they didn't mean...

_Her time has almost come..._

I put my head in my hands.

"Vinnie?" I look up to find Yuffie turned towards me with her eyes open.

"Good morning." She reaches an arm out to me and I take her hand quickly.

"What time is it?" I glance at the clock.

"6:30." She sighs. I watch her as she rolls into me and looks out the window. The sun is just beginning to peak over the tops of the tallest buildings. There are lights that have been on all night and a flurry of yellow taxicabs dot the streets. She breathes in and out, steadily, and relaxes into me as she watches the rise of light. Now seems like the opportune moment to tell her what I've been thinking about...

"Yuffie?"

"Mmm?"

"What...are you...hm." How to word it... "How are you...coming to terms with what has happened?" She sucks in a breath and turns to look at me sharply.

"What do you mean?"

"I am merely wondering how you are coping with the aftermath of...Hojo's death." She stares and stares.

"I think he got what he deserved, if that's what you mean..." She looks cautious. No, that's not what I mean. How can I ask her why she still wants me without coming right out and saying it? "I don't miss him." Oh. Oh!

"No, that is not what I meant...I know you do not miss him..." She looks relieved. I swallow hard. "I mean, how are you dealing with...the fact that it was I who finished him." She can't look at me. We both turn and watch as the sun pours through the window. Two women walk together out of a coffee store and laugh. I wish things were as simple as morning coffee and laughter with a friend.

"You did it because you had to. I know that. I'm grateful that you were there for me. I owe you my life, Vincent. If it wasn't for you I'd still be locked in a basement near a funhouse." I keep my face blank. "You can't take it back. But it's okay. He had it coming." She turns back to look at me. "I love you."

"I love you, too." But still... "So...you...accept this?"

"Hmm?"

"What I have done."

"Well...I...yes." I want to sigh in relief and kiss her senseless but instead I look away.

_You can't protect her forever..._

_He needs to know..._

_Be prepared..._

_Her time..._

There's only one thing left to do when you never want to lose someone.

"Yuffie?"

"Yes, Vinnie?"

"Marry me." Her head whips towards mine and she stares. I stare back. The sun continues on.


	17. Stay Sound

**A/N:** Ah, sorry it's been so long. I have…personal problems.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything relating to Final Fantasy.

* * *

**Saturday, September 21st**

**7:15 AM**

Marry him? _Marry_ him!? Of course I'll marry him! He's only the guy I'm completely, hopelessly in love with. I stare at his face. I hope he isn't interpreting my silence the wrong way, I'm just...speechless? Yeah, speechless.

When he asked how I felt about Hojo being gone, I thought he meant if I missed him. Of course he didn't, why would he ask that? But I thought he did. It confused me at first. To be hoenst, I'm just pretending this whole thing never happened. It's easiest if I just pretend that I never met Hojo or Lucrecia and it's just me and Vinnie. Always me and Vinnie. We managed to make it through this whole ordeal. We can make it through marriage. Well, until...I die. I'm avoiding thinking about that too. Well, trying to.

"Yuf...fie?" He looks nervous. How long have I been silent?

I giggle. "Of course I'll marry you, silly!" He smiles, the kind of smile he saves just for me, and I throw myself forward at him. Mrs. Vincent Valentine- it has a nice ring, doesn't it?

For a little while, at least. I frown into his hair so he won't see. I'm worried about what will become of him after I'm gone. When I come to terms with this...maybe we'll be able to talk about it. But not yet. I'm just now able to shove everything that just happened to the back of my mind. It's the perks of being myself, I guess. I can avoid thinking about something terrible that's happened. I figure I've done enough breaking down. I need to live while I have the chance.

I breathe in the deep, woodsy scent of Vincent. He puts a hand on my hip as I pull away to look at him. His bare skin under my fingertips feels smooth and familiar. Like something I thought I lost but was always right within my grasp. He looks content to just lay here with me. I know I'm content.

"This is going to take a lot of work." I frown playfully. I can leave a lot of decoration stuff to Aeris, because she's into that. We can go look for dresses sooner or later, that won't be too hard. I'm guessing he wants to have a short engagement...seeing as I probably don't even have a year left in me. Ugh, fuck Hemosiderosis. It's eating my life. I'll do the guest list...later...I should just make a list of what I need to do.

Guests

Flowers

Tables

Location

Times

Invites

Rehearsals

Dresses

Oh, my brain...

"It's worth it."

"Yeah, I know. I love you."

"I love you too."

He's still smiling.

**3:10 PM**

"You're getting married?"

"Yes."

"Married."

"...Yes."

"To Vincent?"

"Yes!"

"..."

"..."

"HOLY &! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!" Reno bellows. We're all sitting around the kitchen table soaking in the news. Most of our friends are shocked, which I expected, but also...they predicted it.

"This morning." Vincent replies calmly. Reno overreacts and curses up a storm but I can tell he's happy because of his smile. Tifa is giggling and Aeris has tears in her eyes.

Barret and Cid are whispering to each other about open bars.

"When is it?" Cloud, always complacent, asks out of the blue. I haven't thought of specific dates yet. Maybe I should have added that to the list? It should probably be soon...

"Not sure. Soon. Right, Vinnie?" His eye twitches and he puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Yes." I smile up at him from where he is standing behind me.

"This is going to be so exciting!" Aeris claps her hands.

My smile falters a little.

_It's not my fault that I can't live forever._

**Monday, October 14**

**12:15 PM**

My dad is here. After all the months-no, years-that I haven't seen him, this is quite...sudden.

"Er-hi." He's standing in the doorway of the house with a suitcase and a tentative smile. Should I hug him? Welcome him? Or should I be angry that he hasn't bothered contacting me at all? He gave me nice living arrangements. But after everything that's happened how can I tell him? How can I let him in to feel the pain that I felt? I don't know if I can relive the emotion or show it properly. But he's my father. Why is he here? Who told him?

"Hello, Yuffie. I see you've been...well." I snort a little at the irony and usher him inside. Tifa and Aeris are out getting gifts and rearranging last minute details. Vincent's outside and I'm pretty sure Cid and Barret are watching a marathon on television. He smiles at the decorations and puts his bag on the floor. I lead him to a couch in a somewhat quiet part of the house and we sit down. I stare at the wrinkles in his face and he looks into the shadowy onyx and gray of my eyes as we assess each other.

"You're older than I remember, old man." He frowns a little.

"You're paler than I remember, foolish daughter." I frown back, a perfect replica of his own, as we enter a staring contest. I can feel the hesitation and tenseness radiating off of him in waves. It's clear that he doesn't know what to do either.

"So who told you? About the wedding, I mean."

"Aeris. At least somebody told me. I was wondering if you were ever going to call." My mouth falls open in shock.

"Me? Why is it up to me to initiate? And how do you know I wasn't going to tell you? I've been completely swamped with everything, from arrangements to treatment to repercussions of _Hojo-_" He cuts me off.

"Hush! I didn't say that you had to initiate, I merely said I was wondering if you'd call. Who is this Hojo?" He's curious, but I won't tell. Some things are better left unsaid, dead and buried.

"Just...a jerk, from my old school. Nobody." He hms and gives me a suspicious look like I'm a teenager that's lying through her teeth. Who is he to think he knows me anymore?

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Fine."

"Fine!"

The silence stretches on. Godo and I always had a knack for arguing childishly. It's because neither of us wants to be in control of the other. He tries to pull the father card too often and I rebel and pull the independent young adult card. We're both stubborn and refuse to accept help, even if we know we need it. Even if both of us needs it. I hate how much I'm like him, but he's my dad. He's the only family I have left.

"The wedding is going to be on the 21st. Six 'o' clock at the Riverton Church. If you'd like to retain some of your fatherly responsibilities and walk me up the aisle, be there early. Or don't come at all." He narrows his eyes.

"Engaged and adult as you are, I am still your father. Talk to me with respect."

I scoff inside.

And what a lovely father you turned out to be, Godo.

**Thursday, October 17**

**2:30 PM**

"Ooh, that dress is _so _beautiful on you!" The saleswoman smiles and nods. I grin at my reflection and spin on the podium.

"Do you really think so? I think the stuff on the shoulders is a bit much…"

"No, Yuffie, it's perfect. Honest. Look at yourself!"

"Vincent will hardly be able to keep his hands to himself," Aeris giggles.

The dress I have picked out billows at the hips and flows to the floor in big rolls of white beads and lace. It's sleeveless except for the two straps of thin, transparent material holding it up. The shoes I'm wearing are enough to break ankles. Tifa and Aeris already have their dresses purchased and altered, they were easy. I saved mine for last because…well, dress shopping is not my forte. And to be honest, every dress I've tried on before this one I found something wrong with or it didn't fit right.

I smooth my hands over the dress down to rest at my sides. The blue tinge to my skin finally set it. It makes me look like a skinny little ghost. I turn away.

"I love it! I want this one," Aeris and Tifa smile at me and exchange words with the saleswoman that I don't register. She claps her hands together and snips the tag off the dress. I step down to my friends' level and take their hands.

"I am so excited," I gush.

"Aren't you a bit nervous, though?" Aeris asks quietly.

"Well…it's Vincent."

"Yeah, exactly!" We share a laugh.

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean that I've known him for so long…and I'm so comfortable with him that no, there's no way I could be nervous. He saved my life, in more ways than one. This feels completely, utterly…natural." I sigh.

Every word I just said is true. I'm not nervous for the wedding. I'm nervous for after. I only have so long…

"Well, everything is finished then. I guess the only thing left now is the actual wedding," I say. I change out of the dress quickly and bring it to the front to be wrapped and put in the annoying plastic things that protect garments. You know, like the crap they give you at dry cleaners. Only scaled and perfected to fit a wedding dress.

"This will be amazing!" Tifa and Aeris walk swiftly up the sidewalk and giggle to each other.

But I'm, like, already dead.

"You bet it will be," I call after them.

_Zombie bride?_

**Saturday, October 19**

**5:55 PM**

In just minutes I'm going to be walking up the aisle. I'm going to become Mrs. Vincent Valentine. My father is beside me and my friends are in front of me. Marlene, Barrett's little girl, is the flower girl. She has on a precious little purple dress and a basket full of white and red rose petals. I'm so _nervous_.

"You look lovely, daughter," Godo says quietly. I turn to look at him.

"Thank you daddy."

The music starts to play and the doors open so I can walk forward to my future.

_Forward to the rest of my life._

I smile beautifully at the guests as they stand and turn to smile back. I can't help but keep the smile up as I reach the front of the church. I nod at my father and he goes to sit as I take Vincent's hands in my own. I can't ever remember feeling so…in love? Alive? All of the feelings are melded together until I'm dizzy and happy and Vincent becomes more like an anchor keeping me on the ground than a person.

"Do you, Vincent Valentine, take this woman, Yuffie Kisaragi, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in heath, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping your solely unto her for as long as you both shall live?" The preacher starts. My hands are kind of shaky, but stupid Vinnie is of course all calm and not showing if he's nervous at all. The preacher turns to Vincent and continues. "If so answer 'I do'."

"I do." My heart flies up to my throat at his words.

"Do you, Yuffie Kisaragi, take this man, Vincent Valentine, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, to love, honor and obey, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto him for as long as you both shall live? If so answer 'I do"."

My eyes become shiny and wet. "I do."

The rings are handed to us and we slip them on to each other's fingers. The golden band molds to my fingers like a vice.

"I now pronounce you husband in wife. You may now kiss the bride," The preacher finishes with a smile and the snapping shut of his book.

Vincent leans forward and puts a hand over my cheek and kisses me like his life depends on it. I blush and only break apart when I hear the clapping of the guests.

Hm…

Mrs. Vincent Valentine…

**9:46 PM**

The reception is more fun than the wedding, if I do say so myself. Of course all of my friends are totally hammered. Vincent and I have tried to refrain from drinking too much because making a fool of yourself at your own wedding would just be embarrassing.

I must confess, though. The whole night I've been feeling…off.

No, not regretful, silly.

Sick.

Like, weak, having trouble exerting too much energy because I just don't have any. I keep coughing. I'm not coughing up blood but I'm kind of panicked. An attack at my own wedding? What a killjoy.

"You looked so pretty tonight, dear!" A woman calls out. My heads spinning. I slightly incline my head and offer a smile but I'm too disoriented to do much else.

Vincent grabs my arm with more force than I remember him having in his body and I slam into him.

"YuFFi_e_?" His voice is distorted and his face is contorting into strange geometric shapes as I look at him.

"W_h_A…?" My own voice is stretched out and my throat feels scratchy. The blue pallor of my skin is so prominent it makes me feel nauseous. I can feel my grip on conciousness slip and fall into blackness despite my efforts.

**?**

I come to a dead halt. I feel my heart stop and my breathing shallow as I fall forward into a familiar, glassy ocean that stretches into oblivion. I open my eyes and stare at my, once again, bare body. What is this place?

I surface and take in the ever-darkening sky. When I first came here, it was a bright blue like it should be on a summer day. But now it has escalated into such profound darkness that the deep color of the sky looks like a bruise that won't go away. Thunder rumbles in the distance and lightning breaks the sky. I turn frantically to find solace in the girls that I know are awaiting me. They are all standing in a row, in the same order as before with the same expressions. I wonder if the blue dress girl has stopped crying since I left. I swim towards them quietly and pause at the waters edge. They back away and as I put my thin arms on the grass and pull myself out of the water. The cold wind should be leaving me shivering but an unnatural warmth is radiating from every inch of my skin.

The girl in the red dress holds out a hand to me and calls out. The slight note of panic in her voice is unnerving.

I have a sick feeling in my stomach that my time has run out.

"Come, dear. It is time that we had a talk."


	18. Weight of the World

**A/N:** Here's the chapter that explains it all. I've been waiting to write this since day one, but also dreading it. I'm kind of nervous I'll mess it up. So do me a favor, review, and tell me how I did at the end, pretty please! :)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything Final Fantasy related.

* * *

Of all the goddamn times for this to happen. Of all the goddamn times for God to intervene with his sickness and disease. Does it have to be during the wedding? Can't Yuffie have one happy memory that isn't saturated with coughing and Hemosiderosis? I suppose when you are cursed with an illness you can never escape from it.

The hospital was called and an ambulance is on the way. Yuffie's beautiful white gown has red streaked down the front. I'm worried at how much blood she's losing-before, it was a little into a napkin when she coughed. Now, it burst out of her throat like a caged animal and colored her front. Is there more to come? Or is it over? She's unconscious and pale as can be. I hold her cold hand to my face and silently search her own for answers.

Of course I get none; she isn't aware I'm asking.

The blinding blue and red lights alert me to the arrival of the paramedics. I grunt under my breath as the men rush in with a stretcher and load my bride onto it like she's a pack of meat. Which I'm sure she is to them, but not to me. Don't they have any respect? _Am I overreacting?_ I think I might be overreacting. But, no, she could be _dying_-no, not overreacting, panicking. I have every right to panic. What would she say if she saw me panicking? Would she tell me to stop? Maybe I should stop and calm down, for her sake-not that she'll ever know. Am I over thinking this? Probably. I liked it better when I thought little of things like this and dealt with them upfront. But no, others didn't. Well, yes they did-no! Focus! I need to concentrate on Yuffie. _Am I overreacting?_

I decide that no, I am not overreacting, when they plug her into a heart monitor and the beeps are far too slow to be healthy. I am the only one allowed into the truck when they depart. I figure the others will follow after us, but I don't really care. I'm too occupied with Yuffie.

I wonder how many times I have been to the hospital since she was diagnosed. There were the multiple transfusion appointments, the time after the carnival, when Lucrecia was shot, after she was recovered from Hojo, and…now. I feel like I have been there too many times in the past couple of months. I'm sure the doctors and nurses there know us by face.

I try to tune out the movements of the people around me. Listening to them shout about how she _needs more blood, stat_ and they _need to drive faster, now_ are only making this harder. I won't lose her. I can't. I can only imagine the horrors that would ensue. I can picture Tifa and Aeris, distraught at the loss of their best friend. And Cloud-the loss of a sister. Barret and Cid would be upset because they think of her as their little girl. And I myself would go back to how I was before. I would hole myself up in my house and speak to no one, answer the phone occasionally and sulk about how love always leaves me. I can picture it all. I don't want it. Any of it. A life without her is death.

We pull into the emergency room parking lot and a hasty foot smashes the brakes down. The doors fly open and I jump out as Yuffie is wheeled through the parking lot and I chase her through the doors. We bypass all the gaping people in the lobby and push through the doors that lead to the inner workings of the hospital. I glare at everybody giving us questioning looks. It's none of their business.

We finally come to a stop in a room where Yuffie is quickly hooked up to a heart monitor and IVs are pushed into her hands. I can see the bag of blood and the unidentifiable fluids dripping swiftly through the tubes and into her body. Her heart rate is even lower-an alarming 50 beats per minute.

I wince and throw myself into a chair and put my head into my hands. _What a nightmare…_

I look up as the sound of heels click into the room and I can hear someone cursing up a storm. Aeris and Tifa rush to her side and brush the hair that has fallen out of her bun off of her forehead. They wipe the sweat and drippy makeup off and kiss her. Cid and Barret look around uncomfortably and Reno crosses his arms and looks at the monitors. Cloud is nowhere to be seen-probably parking the car.

"Is she going to be okay?" Aeris asks with a whimper. Nurses are rushing in and out of the room, gathering tools with unknown uses to me and massive amounts of gauze. Is she bleeding in more than one place?

"I do not know," I reply with a careful look at the girl. "I most certainly hope so."

Tifa breaks into a frown. "Yuffie's a fighter. She can pull through this!" The others nod along half-heartedly. How can Tifa be so sure?

"I'm sorry this had to happen on your wedding day, Vincent," Aeris murmurs after a moment.

"Shit man, me too. This is the worst."

I incline my head slightly at Reno and keep my eyes on Yuffie. _She'll make it, she'll make it, she'll make it-_

The heart monitor beeps down to 40 beats per minute. I can feel the sweat break out along my forehead and back as I slip out of my jacket and throw it at the wall. I stand up and hurry to her bed. The others get the hint and back away as I grab her hand.

"Yuffie…" I can only hope she hears me, somehow. "I cannot live without you here. Please, try hard…you can survive this." I grip harder and lean closer to rest my forehead against hers. I can feel her shallow and ragged breaths against my cheek and smell the sweet scent stuck to her skin, mingled with copper-rust of blood and hospital supplies. I run my fingers over her own and breathe deeply.

Whether the comfort is for her or me I am not sure.

An alarm goes off and I shoot up from her and throw my body backwards. Her head has rolled to the side and her mouth hangs open now, blood speckling her lips. Her heart rate is dangerously low and still decreasing as I flick my eyes between nurses clad in ocean foam green and the vermilion stained white of her dress.

I watch her chest stop rising and falling when the machine flat lines. _I watch her die._

But no, not die, right? Not really?

I can feel the edges of my vision blurring and I walk backwards until I fall into a chair. Everything mixes together and voices are blocked out as I am pulled out of consciousness.

--

My eyes shoot open and I take a deep breath of _black._ I sputter and spit at the watery texture, but I'm not choking. I shoot towards the surface of this strange lake-ocean?-and stare at the sky. Lightning crackles through the sky and splits it with angry white lines. The clouds are so dark they look purple. I spin around frantically and search for the shoreline, an island, _anything_ and my eyes stop and catch on the strangest sight I have ever seen.

Eight girls are lined up on the shore, watching me with strange eyes. They search for something I don't know how to give. I swim towards them quietly and pull myself onto the shore as they back away. I feel a breeze in an unnatural place and look down. Where did my tuxedo go?

The girl in the yellow dress giggles at my expression and puts a hand over her mouth to stifle the laughter.

"This is hardly the time for laughter, Thalia!" Scolds a white-haired girl. I want to back away but I'll probably trip and land in the water. I'm not interesting in looking like a fool. I'm more interesting in finding out what the _fuck_ is going on.

"Where am I?" I spit out.

"A little slice of heaven," responds yet another girl. Her voice is mellow and she looks a tad spacey. Her eyes startle me into silence.

"To be more specific, Yuffie's little slice of heaven."

I look around in confusion at them-the spacey one, the crying and giggling girls, and a myriad of others with strange, unearthly qualities.

"What are you talking about?" I demand.

"Come, let's have a chat. Someone's waiting for you," The girl-no, woman-in red answers calmly. She's as tall as I am and wearing a ridiculously lavish red dress. I follow her into a little cluster of chairs that I'm positive weren't there before. First I show up on some island naked, and now a bunch of girls are making chairs appear out of thin air.

_What is this?_

"We really should wait for Freyja. She played as much a part in this as any of us…" whispers a girl in blue. She's crying.

"Freyja likes to take her sweet time, it seems," hums the laughing girl. "We can tell the story and explain some things, introduce ourselves and maybe she'll show up when we're done." The others nod along with her and they take their seats. They leave a plush white loveseat open and I assume that's where I'll be sitting.

"We are the eight muses. We are each goddesses of our own focus, with our own powers and histories. We created Yuffie."

What? _What?_ They _created_ her? What in the hell does that mean!

"What are you talking about?" I spit out. The woman in red holds her hand up and I hold my tongue.

"You suspect Yuffie is human, no?" I nod once. Yuffie _is_ human. She is a human with feelings and thoughts and organs and emotions. What is this woman getting at? Is she even a woman at all?

…Is Yuffie?

"Yuffie was-is-our creation. We made her with bits and pieces of our own essence and the gift of life from God. She was sent to earth in disguise as a newborn so she could grow up normally and retrieve information on your species. She was completely unaware of her true identity and purpose."

_Was_ unaware? Does that mean that she is here? Does Yuffie know of this nonsense?

"She was supposed to grow older and regain her memories when she had a mature enough mind to handle it, but she could not. When we sent her to earth, half of her soul split off and strayed from her. She could not be told what she was when half of her was missing. It would cause untold destruction to her mind and her soul and our creation would have been destroyed. So we waited."

Wait, wait, hold on. Yuffie was created by a bunch of ancient muses to spy on the human race, but her soul split in half and she couldn't remember who she was because it would destroy her when she wasn't complete. That would make her…not human. She isn't even real, technically. She is bits and pieces of muse essence and a breath of life. What is this supposed to mean, in the end? Am I just a placeholder until her other half, her _soul mate,_ shows up?

"One half of her soul was born into her female counterpart-the Yuffie you know. The other half was born into her male counterpart."

I hold my breath. Do I really want to know who I have to lose her to?

"Are you saying that I am merely a distraction until Yuffie finds her soul mate?" I question quietly. I can feel desperation start like poison in my heart and spread throughout my whole body, leaving me paralyzed. I don't think I could live without her. "Is he still out there, somewhere?"

The woman smiles gently. "No, Vincent, you are not a distraction. _You_ are her soul mate. You are Yuffie's other half. You are the second piece of soul that split off from her. And I see that the two of you have found each other, and are very much in love-as it should be."

Me. It's me. I'm her other half. But…that means that I am not real either. What will happen to me when Yuffie…dies? Will I disappear? Will we fuse together and disappear to her little slice of heaven?

"What will happen to us?"

She takes a moment to frown.

"We did not expect an earth disease to overcome her. Her body, the disguise we gave her, has been wasted away and destroyed by a fatal parasite. She cannot live."

A girl in silver with dancer legs mumbles about her hard work going to waste.

"Yuffie must to return to us. She has all of her memories now, and has fulfilled her purpose-to discover the nature of humans. Wherever she goes, you must follow. However, while her body is destroyed, yours is not. You will live out the rest of your life and then return here, to be with her."

Oh. No, no, no I cannot live another sixty years without her! I don't know how to live without her for a week, let alone the rest of my life! What will I do? How will I explain this?

"What am I going to do without her?"

"You will live your life," She gestures at her surroundings. "This is just a piece of heaven. It is just a piece of what is to come. It is just the mere skeleton of what heaven really is-the way you see it with your human eyes. Just as our appearances now are the skeletons of what we really are. Heaven will wait forever, but the road to earth will be barred and locked. You, Vincent Valentine, are blessed-you have _life._ Use it wisely. Do not throw it away."

I feel full and complete with her words. The promise of what is to come is what will get me through my life. Compared to forever, a human life span is less than a millisecond. And forever is what I have.

"I…will."

Everything seems so simple now, strangely. Yuffie and I are bound together by an invisible force more powerful than any visible thing in the entire universe. Our futures are endless, our love more deep than any ocean trench. We are infinite.

"Would you like to meet your creators?" Smiles the muse in red. I nod. I suppose the other girls are the rest of the muses.

The one in purple speaks first. "My name is Urania, but you can call me Ursus." A muse in green giggles. "Stop it, Callie, it's a family name!" She scolds lightly. The other quiets herself and holds the other green girl's hand. "I am the muse of astronomy. I gave Yuffie the gift of sight. Honestly, you would not believe how difficult it is to construct a human eye-the way it sees things is so simple that I don't know what to do with it," she smiles in amusement. I silently take back the spacey comment when I look at her deep and knowing eyes.

"My name is Melpomene, but nobody ever remembers," She mumbles. A tear slips out and she sniffs. "You can call me Melanie. I gave Yuffie her blessed emotions." I struggle for the right reaction to Melanie. I figure asking her why she is crying would be invasive and inappropriate, seeing the situation, but my curiosity forms the words before I can hold them back.

"Why are you crying, Melanie?"

She breathes deeply and dabs her eyes as she stares me down.

"I long to be human. I cry for what I do not have. You are fortunate in that area-I would give anything for the life I craved." She sobs into Ursus' shoulder.

"Melanie was the first to try and go undercover on Earth, but she was killed in an accident," Ursus finishes for her as she rubs Melanie's shoulder. "She hasn't stopped crying for the past hundred years." I shudder inside at the thought of crying for a hundred years.

"My name is Thalia! I gave Yuffie the gift of personality," Smiles the laughing girl. I just notice her slinky yellow dress and a light pink dusts my cheeks as I look away. "Does my dress embarrass you? Don't worry, I'm sure you've seen it all before." The pink turns to red as I narrow my eyes. She laughs at me. "I'm just kidding. We have nothing to hide here. And I for one love my body-courtesy of Terpsichore," She points to the one next to her with the thick dancer legs. She looks angry.

"It's Terra, actually. Terra-the muse of dance." That would explain her legs, at least. "All of the hard work I put into sculpting Yuffie's body was such a waste of effort. It took me two earth years, you know. A lot of effort went into creating her body! Day and night, all day long, slaving over the bones and muscles and skin…a waste, I tell you…"

"Well, I'm sure she appreciated it while it lasted, Terra," Thalia smiles as she drapes a thin arm over the fuming muses shoulders.

"My name is Calliope. Sounds a bit like gallop, don't you think? Like a horse? I hate horses," She shudders. "I changed it to Callie. I'm the muse of epic poetry, and I gave Yuffie her words. Filling a brain with a full language is such fun-like writing a dictionary!" Callie smiles and I notice how beautiful her mouth is-full, pink and perfect. The muse next to her, who appears to be her twin, has the opposite mouth. It is thin and makes her look bitter.

"Euterpe. Sounds like twerp. Call me Tallie. Muse of lyric poetry. Gave Yuffie thoughts." She cut each sentence off quickly and crossed her thin arms. "I don't like talking."

"Ah, the muse that lacks speech but has an endless mind-such a character, Tallie is," Sighs the next girl. Her hair is whiter than her dress and her face is gentle. "I am Polyhymnia-quite a mouthful, am I right?" I nod and she mirrors me. "Call me Morgan. I am the muse of songs to the gods!" She raises her arms to the sky and folds them back down to look like she's praying. "I gave Yuffie her sense of higher power. You know, religion-just so God wouldn't think we were rude." She laughs softly and it tinkles throughout the air like music.

The last muse, the one that explained everything, and the single entity that changed my life forever-stands gracefully.

"And I am Erato, but please call me Amber. I am the muse of love." Here she pauses, smiling at me with gentle eyes that have probably witnessed the creation of the greatest love stories of all time, and opens her arms. "I gave Yuffie her sense of love."

When all is finished, I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"This is a lot to take in," Amber says quietly. "Would you like a moment?"

I nod. "Yes, please." They chat among themselves and I am left to my thoughts.

Everything makes sense now. All of the hours that I spent thinking of her, pondering her and wanting her finally make _sense_. We are half of each other and belong together and we have eternity to be together in heaven. The rest of my life seems unimportant and insignificant, everyone else lackluster in comparison to her. She is an angel, a godsend, and a magnificent creation slaved over by hot hands of heavenly entities-she's everything I am not, and that is how she should be. We complete each other.

_Why do my thoughts always go back to her?_ _It is a perfect circle, and I'm not quite sure what is in the center._

All the confusion now seems worth it.

_I tried so hard. But I couldn't speak._

The silence…

_Inside I am smiling. Outside can wait._

The hesitation…

_"There...isn't much time left."_

The panic…

_I watch her chest stop rising and falling when the machine flat lines. I watch her die._

The death…

"_We created Yuffie."_

And the truth. It was all worth the wait.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a bright flash of light and one more person push into the mob. I am too lost to notice. But when a strong voice calls my name, I have no choice but to turn.

"Hello, Vincent," the voice says.

I turn and recognize the person-creation. I smile.

"Hello, Yuffie."

_We are infinite._

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PLEASE. Review.


	19. Sanctuary

**IMPORTANT: **Change of plans. This is going to be the last chapter, because I feel like an epilogue is unnecessary, and I like the way this ends-so thank you for everybody who stuck with this, and enjoy! 

**A/N:** REVIEW, please! And thank you to AmbivalentAngyl for being the 100th review.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything Final Fantasy.

* * *

Welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life.

"I can't stay, Vinnie," My words echo my thoughts. I want to live, but even more, I want a purpose-and I have one. I have a purpose that I have already filled. I am a divine creation, more than blood and guts and tissue. I am love and life incarnate. I was slaved over and loved and let go and lost and found and loved and let go again. I'm done here.

"Her body's just a shell, y'know," Ursus adds. "For what it's worth. It's only a piece of what she really is. She doesn't need it to be Yuffie."

I look at Vincent to gauge his reaction and watch as a myriad of emotions flit across his face. He looks at me and we stare, soaking in the knowledge.

"I know that," He says softly. I can feel him reach out and touch my cheek, but I know I'm imagining it. He doesn't move an inch. I picture myself grabbing his hand and smile to myself as I watch the same realization dawn on him. You don't need to move to touch.

It was nearing the end of October; nearing the end of my life…I wondered what summer would be like in Tifa's little house on Lover's Lane. Reno, running through the hot night air, catching fireflies and shoving them at Tifa, Aeris running through the rain swift as a bird, Cloud always a step behind her, Barret and Cid playing a childish game of tag, Vincent…sitting in a chair, looking older than I would ever get to see him, wishing eternity would begin.

In my childish fantasy, I imagine them sitting on a soft blanket in green green grass, sipping lemonade and eating chocolate chip cookies. They watch the sunset, watch the pink melt into a burnt orange and fade to bruise. I imagine my little group of friends, my family, staying on Lover's Lane for the rest of time and living in an endless cycle of happy.

I see couples growing up together and getting married, having babies…little redheaded boys and girls in dresses and pink ribbons…

In my mind I envision everybody I know grow old and _live._

Life goes on. In the wake of my departure, winter will pass…spring will not falter…and summer will take the reign for good times. And then the months will shift back to fall, back to October…and the cycle will continue. It might be like I imagine if they all gather once more…I won't ever know. Or maybe I will. Can I watch them? Can I make myself watch them move on? Is it even possible?

I think of my body in heaven. Me, floating, wings and white dresses and everything kind of gold, all pretty, no Lucrecia and no Hojo…buildings built of cloud, love flying around everywhere. It's fucking raining love. I'm breathing it. It's filling me up to the brim until I burst pretty golden bits of love. I'm eating a goddamn plate of love for dinner.

I think of privileges I'll never have again. Rules I'll never break. I think of tomorrow. I think of how I'll never see the sunrise from the windows of my house in New York. Never drive, walk, run, sing, dance, kiss. I think about Vincent all alone, but never really alone because I taught him better than that, walking through life with knowledge that weighs his mind down like fishing weights. Knowledge, always there, influencing everything…influencing tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

I won't be around anymore, tomorrow…

The burn in my eyes snaps me back to reality.

Three long months, the longest in my entire life. The best in my entire life. August to October. Always October. It'll always be October, for me.

"We should get going…" Melanie whispers brokenly. She hiccups and hides her face. I look to Vincent. I open my mouth to speak but he beats me to it.

"I'll never let you go," he forces out. I look at the determined look on his stony face and want to run and melt into him, mixing our blood and marrow until we're just one, like it's supposed to be.

"Don't be silly, Vinnie. I want you to be happy. Holding on to me too long would just totally damage all the work I've done on you!" I smile and examine him like a piece of machinery. He can't stop the little smirk that creeps onto his lips. He can't stop his eyes from following me like magnets. "You'd dry up into a little husk and be no fun. What would Tifa and them do with you _then_, hm?" I poke him in the shoulder lightly and press into him. "Just be. Live your life."

How many times had he heard that today…?

He leans his neck down and presses his lips on mine. It feels like a first kiss all over again. Of course it does, it's Vincent.

_Every kiss feels like the first._

I pull back and put my hand on his cheek. His red eyes are sparkling with light, despite the churning clouds above us. Internal light. Like a flashlight hiding in his retina waiting to beam out at me, all smiley and happy.

I grin at him, full to the brim with golden love and heartbreaking fulfillment, ready to go. The flashlight flickers and he stares at me solemnly.

"I love you," he tells me.

"I love you more, Vinnie Valentine," I throw back devilishly. I back away and grab Amber's hand.

Vincent closes his eyes and I think I can see him letting go, his mind clicking and whirring away as he prepares for the rest of his life. He fades into fine, glittery dust and smiles at me in his ghostly way, fading, fading fast, just for a little while…

I smile back as my eyes swim. Only for a little while…

I look up at Amber and nod my head. I feel the life exit my body with a harsh snap, and in its place a new feeling slowly trickles in and gives me a new kind of life, a different sort of hope. This feeling lights a fire in my chest and breaks through my ribcage, blinding and burning to all who witness. I look up to the sky, suddenly blue and beautiful, and the gates of heaven so close before but now in my grasp.

I look down, one last time, and watch as Vincent waves goodbye to me, wind brushing through his glittery body and blowing him away. I wave back, even if he can't see it, and take a deep breath. I turn back to the gates, the truth about forever igniting my chest, and let go to the rest of eternity.

They say heaven lasts forever. They say love lasts forever. I, Yuffie Kisaragi, have both, and I don't intend to ever let them go.


End file.
